Points to ponder when you're stoned...

[Callmecrazy]

Why during winter do we keep our house as warm as it was when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father in law jokes?

How do those dead bugs get into enclosed light fixtures?

Why do people keep returning to the refrigerator in the hope that something new will have materialized?

Can you cry underwater?

If you have sex with a prostitute and don't pay her is it considered rape or shoplifting?

Is there ever a day when mattresses aren't on sale?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

Once you're in heaven, are you stuck wearing the same clothes you were buried in?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why does a dog get mad when you blow in his face but when he goes for a ride he sticks his head out the window?

If humans evolved from apes, why are there still apes?




I invite your answers and other questions.

[Aristus]

1. The last one is easy:

Humans didn't evolve from apes. Humans and apes evolved from a common ancestor.

Charles Darwin's The Descent Of Man should help you out on that score...

[Callmecrazy]

2. Yeah, but...

what about the pizza box? That's what I wanna know.

[trof]

4. Square boxes are easier to manufacture.

Here's one:
Why don't they make pizzas square to fit the boxes?
That would be fairly easy.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

12. cuz you can't twirl dough into a square.

[Packerowner740]

22. They do at little Caesars.

[Callmecrazy]

3. And why do we put our two cents in...

But it's only a penny for our thoughts? Where does the extra penny go?

[trof]

6. If you put in 2 cents, you get 3 thoughts.

We're running a special.

[Wounded Bear]

24. Taxes, of course...

[MrScorpio]

5. Here I go!

Why during winter do we keep our house as warm as it was when we complained about the heat?
A: If you're probably not complaining about the humidity too, you're not doing it right


How come you never hear father in law jokes?
A. Because they're usually too jocular, laid back or toasted to be a nuisance.


How do those dead bugs get into enclosed light fixtures?
A. Bug funerals.


Why do people keep returning to the refrigerator in the hope that something new will have materialized?
A. Those are only people who are too lazy to grocery shop.

Can you cry underwater?
A. Yes, same as any other bodily function


If you have sex with a prostitute and don't pay her is it considered rape or shoplifting?
A. Breach of Contract


Is there ever a day when mattresses aren't on sale?
A. Never


Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
A. A square box is easiest to make


Once you're in heaven, are you stuck wearing the same clothes you were buried in?
A. No, you get to dress up in the finest clothes of dead designers


Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
A. To keep their hair perfect, silly.


Why does a dog get mad when you blow in his face but when he goes for a ride he sticks his head out the
window?
A. They're too polite to tell you that your halitosis is in overdrive.


If humans evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
A. We're all evolved from a common ancestor into different species

[BobUp]

7. Are we really alone, nobody or anything in the entire universe?

[trof]

8. You can get FREE matresses at roadside in Alabama.

I see them all the time.

[lastlib]

9. "If humans evolved from apes, why are there still apes?"

For the same reason we still have Republicans--some of the apes came down from the trees head-first..

[Callmecrazy]

10. LOL!

[trusty elf]

16. Some apes saw off the branch of the evolutionary tree upon which they are perched.

[IMG][/IMG]

[libodem]

23. Goddess, that's fabulous

The little GWB in the back is a scream.

[idendoit]

11. Dude, wait..I know ...

uhh...*toke* ... what was I gonna say?

[Laura PourMeADrink]

13. These are good...reminds me of one we came up with before the euro. If you are at

a store in Italy and you buy something for one lire and you pay with a hundred thousand lire note, does the clerk have to count all the way up to 100,000 when you get your change?

[lastlib]

14. If you pull the wings off of a fly, does it becoma walk?

If a hen and a half can lay an egg and a half in a day and a half, how many ants does it take to kick the seeds out of a pickle?
(an actual stoner question posed when stoned. We still don't know the answer, after thirty-eight years.)

Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

If a mountain wasn't there, would we still want to climb it?

Can a jogger actually hear a Walkman?

[MissMillie]

17. why do we call them "buildings"

if they're already done being built?

[Callmecrazy]

15. And how 'bout these...

What disease did a cured ham actually have?

If a deaf person goes to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie but ON tv?

[Art_from_Ark]

20. Do people who get on airplanes

actually sit outside, on them instead of inside, in them?

[sarge43]

18. Can a lighthouse keeper do light housekeeping? n/t

[Doc_Technical]

19. Did you ever wonder..

what a chair would look like if your knees bent the other way?

[Callmecrazy]

21. And if they went the other way...

would you have to stand up to poop?

[Wounded Bear]

25. What's the difference between a duck?