What's Your Preferred Cure when you are in one of those "moods"

[Liberalynn]

where you just want to tell almost the entire world to go F themselves, but you know you can't really do that?

I am in one of those moods. I am sick of the pukes, I am sick of this country being sold to the highest bidder, I am sick of family telling me to just let things go,

I am sick of people who don't do what they are supposed resulting in me getting bitched at by others in public who expect me to magically step in and fix the other persons screw up even though it's a volunteer position, and I wasn't even supposed to be a part of the project to begin with, just the messenger.

That later is real issue with me because I have this happen to me again and again, in high school, in college, on the job. In fact in terms of jobs that was one of the key issues in me having a nervous breakdown and ending up on disability.

I've heard the same thing all my life "Oh she won't mind, she will do my work too if I ask her, she's so responsible," and like an asshole I do it because I was raised by parents who said "you never say it's not your job, you just do it, " but the minute I can't handle my responsibilities and theirs, it's jump down my throat time.

People keep telling me "oh your such a nice person, such an innocent person," well all that gets me is being taken advantage of and I am getting sick of it real fast. I used to just put up with it and do it to avoid conflict but I am sick of all of it. Plus they don't know in my head that I am telling them to just go you know what themselves.

I need a safe way to vent any suggestions?

[PumpkinAle]

1. I feel for you LL

You sound like me. I once read that someone in a similar situation always said "Namaste" - but said it with feeling and a smile - knowing that how they interpreted it was very different to the way the listener heard it.

You could come up with your own word and say it how you want - knowing what you mean.

I do this sometimes, other times I am like you unable to vent what I really, want to say.

Good luck fellow traveler.

[Liberalynn]

12. Thank You!

That's a good suggestion. I was always wishing my late grandmother taught me some Italian swear words that I could use, so I could swear at people who didn't speak Italian and not get in trouble for it when I was younger.

[randr]

2. I go out and work in my garden

or call one of my children

[Aerows]

9. I've never been a big gardener until

I actually committed to growing *something*. I've tried a plant here and there, but they failed spectacularly leading me to believe that I was no good at it. I'm pretty perserverent, however and finally, this year I have a tray of fantastic looking tomatoes and cukes to set out, along with my tabasco peppers (first year I have *EVER* gotten them to sprout).

Just being around them makes me feel serene. I think it is because being outside, and getting fresh air has such a positive effect on me.

[Liberalynn]

16. Maybe tomorrow I can take a look at what I am going to need to get my raised vegetable garden

[hlthe2b]

3. Long long long walks with my dog--preferably in areas I am unlikely to encounter people

Coming home too tired to think about it...

[Liberalynn]

18. That sounds great.

Marnie and I have started to take longer walks but being a puppy she is getting easily distracted and stops often to dig, or chew on rocks, so she often lays down, and I just kind of stand there until she is finished. I am looking up at the sky more and taking in the fresh air though so it has helped.

[AnneD]

54. You have a puppy....

good. That's a start. Does she still have puppy breath? Play more with her on your walks. That always makes me feel better.

[Aristus]

4. An hour of cardio, and hour of free weights,

a hot shower, and then Happy Hour at my local Greek food place.

After a few shots of Ouzo, I pretty much stop giving a shit.

Also, this is my schedule for the rest of the day...

[Aerows]

7. This cracked me up and reminded me of your post :D

[Liberalynn]

21. +1

[Liberalynn]

19. LOL

Sounds good!

[Rhythm]

5. I head to the river... fish... read... clean the house while listening to angry metal...

But mostly i just get outside and away from everything but nature (if possible)...

[Liberalynn]

20. I do love to read and to get outside.

Now that it is slowly getting warmer here, I can get out more.

[Aerows]

6. I take a walk outside.

If I need a break, the first thing my feet do is carry me to the first door. A few minutes outside, and I'm no longer as upset. You can go to the bathroom, too, or back to your office to get something, or whatever excuse you need to make, but when I'm pissed, I have to walk away for a minute.

[Liberalynn]

22. It's funny

since I got the puppy I have been re-reading a lot of dog training books, and one of them says when ever your puppy gets in a snit and gets you in one too, you should take a time out from each other so you both calm down.

I guess it makes a lot of sense to apply this strategy with human relationships too.

[Aerows]

34. You can never go wrong

with taking a walk. If you have cat or the dog with you, even better. My cat is kind of weird and will walk next to me like a puppy, but even if she didn't, fresh air, and knowing there are other things in this world are healing. At least they are to me.

[grasswire]

8. music, headphones, and vitamin D

...or sunshine, gardening and walking.

[Liberalynn]

23. I am taking Vitamin D

because they said my numbers were way too low. They have come up to the minimum acceptable level with supplements and my trying to get out in the sun more.

The headphones are a great suggestion. I do love music and audio books as well.

[pinboy3niner]

10. Wodka

Lots and lots of wodka.

Just kidding. I've learned never to give up. Never.

[Liberalynn]

24. Thanks!

[lovemydog]

11. sleep

is best for me when I'm in one of those moods

[Liberalynn]

25. That's a very good suggestion

for awhile I was trying to sneak a nap in here and there and I did feel better. I have to get back to that.

[hobbit709]

13. My answer to a lot of things.

a little of this

and some old blues

[Liberalynn]

26. Soothing!

[A HERETIC I AM]

14. Pick a comedian you really like....

and go watch an hour or two of his/her standup on YouTube.


Sorts me right out.

That or Tequila.

Lots and lots of Tequila

[Liberalynn]

27. I love the comedian Idea.

I still have one set in my house that has a built in VHS player and a tape of Robin Williams at the Met that aired as a television special a long time ago. I should dig that out. Thanks.

[A HERETIC I AM]

32. There ya go! n/t

[magical thyme]

15. walk outside, walk dogs, garden or

if the weather is sucky, lose myself in music or a book.

Since you wrote this is a pattern for you, maybe it's time to take care of yourself and give yourself permission to say no. Nobody else has a right to assign you *their* job, especially for a volunteer position.

And nobody, but nobody, has a right to assign *your* feelings to a situation. "She won't mind?" Really? Well, it seems to me that you do (rightfully) mind.

It's time for you to practice some gentle love for yourself and recognize that while your parents meant well when they told you to never say something is not your job, they were mistaken and setting you up to be a slave. There are times when it is perfectly appropriate and morally right to refuse to do work. The situation you are describing sounds just like that.

Especially for volunteer work. You should not be getting treated that way. Give yourself a break. You've more than earned it.

[Liberalynn]

29. Thank You.

Reading is one of my favorite things in life to do and lately I haven't given myself permission to do it because what was only supposed to be a position that entailed sending out a meeting reminder notice once a month, has become a daily part time volunteer job. You are right, I also have to learn to give myself the permission to say no to other people as well.

[Jesus Malverde]

17. Walking is a great way to clear your mind

and experience how alive the world is.

[Liberalynn]

31. Thanks.

I am lucky to live on what used to be my grandparents farm and while the road has become terrible with traffic in recent years, there is still quite a bit of land surrounding my house that I can walk on with my puppy, so I am going to try to do more.

Also I was thinking of maybe some night walking. I have kind of developed an interest in astronomy over the past few years and want to stare up at the stars for awhile.

[DebJ]

45. I got a free app for my cell phone. Hold it up to the sky, and it identifies the planets and stars

and constellations in front of it.

There is nothing like staring into a starry sky to make our little human stupidities melt away as inconsequential.
It fills the spirit and the soul staring into that vast and awesome and beautiful universe. It makes me feel
whole again.

Signed,
A lifetime codependent learning to tell people no way!

[Raine1967]

28. Here is what I have learned:

(and it's not easy getting to this place, not from my experience: I am a person who likes to be there for people I care about and for things I car about. -- but I got here, and it is amazing-- I'm not the selfish person I was afraid I would become.)

One word, two letters:


No.
It does't have to be said with defense... apologetic might make you feel more comfortable.

But No is way to tell people you do not want to deal with chaos.

I've had in recent months a serious panic attack that I realized was a result of me not being able to say 'no' -- it lead me to break away from a person in my life that was taking more from our friendship than be a part of it. I walked away. It was hard, and still is.


I said 'No' because I didn't want to keep having chaos in my life.

[Liberalynn]

35. Chaos is a good word to describe it.

Thank You and I am sorry to hear you had a panic attack. That's a very tough thing to experience. It is great that you were able to pinpoint what was triggering it.

I am glad you learned to say no, and I have to as well.

I did write the leader of the group and said I no longer wanted this position in the group and could she please put finding someone else to take over on the agenda for next month. I said I want to stay in the group, just not in any official capacity.


It went from being something fun and that I enjoyed to something that leaves me tense and upset. My sister keeps saying to me well you're just letting some jerks chase you out of doing something you are good at and have had fun doing.

I keep telling her that's the thing I am not having fun anymore, I'm starting to feel used and taken advantage of, and when that attitude sets in it's damn hard to keep doing a good job.

Sure I could have confronted the people who are taking advantage but they are the type who either are not going to comprehend what I am saying to them anyway, or who would understand what I was saying but wouldn't give a crap, and keep doing what they are doing anyway.

It's best for me to walk away cause it's just making me want to bang my head against the wall.

[Raine1967]

38. I can identify very much.

When something that is supposed to be fun becomes tense & not pleasant, it's ok to say no more.

Boundaries are tough to make, BUT -- they help in situations like this.

[csziggy]

39. It does sound as though you need to learn to say "No"

You wrote: "I did write the leader of the group and said I no longer wanted this position in the group and could she please put finding someone else to take over on the agenda for next month."

I don't think that was strong enough, considering how upset you seem to be about the situation. It's a volunteer position - you should have just said you quit. If the people in charge want to know why they are losing someone who has obviously been a great contributor to their organization, they need to come to you and ask you.

Put your foot down. Quit - and mean it. If you can stay with the group and manage to have fun, good. But if it is harming you to try to give your time and energy, get out.

As for myself, when I am stressed I do needlework. For me most types of needlework is very zen and calming. I do all types from basic needlepoint to some very intricate work. And sometimes I sew - after the death of my father in August the family disruption was extremely stressful. I sewed memory bears from my Dad's old shirts for all my family, even the ones I am still angry at. It helped me come to terms work out my feelings even if the relationships can never be fixed.

[Liberalynn]

42. I will make it more emphatic that I am quitting and won't be talked out of it.

These memory bears are wonderful. I love them.

[Broken_Hero]

30. Music....

I put in some Slipknot, or Metallica and just close my eyes and let it go....sometimes, Beer.

[Liberalynn]

36. Sounds good.

[HipChick]

33. Lot's of a bit of how's your father..

[Liberalynn]

37. LOL

[eppur_se_muova]

40. Need to place one of those quotes over your desk (if you have one) ...

"Everyday, do a little more than expected, and soon everyone will expect more of you." Or something like that. Make it large, legible, and unmissable.

Putting it on a T-shirt might be a little too outspoken. Your call.

[Liberalynn]

43. That's a great idea! I do have a home desk that I can put it on.

[sendero]

41. Really...

.. do not let people take advantage of you. If something is not your job, don't do it. If you repeatedly backfill for others, you are merely enabling their bad behavior and trust me on this - they do not appreciate it, they think you are doing it for yourself or that you are a sucker.

Why should you feel bad because other people are not doing their part? Answer, you shouldn't.

[Liberalynn]

44. Thank You

That's a great point about enabling them. I never looked at it that way.

[DebJ]

46. And I bet you don't push your needs off on others, so you can feel good about

both saying No, and recognize yourself for not contributing chaos to the lives of others.
No guilt!

(That's so easy to say, hard to do, but I'm getting there, LOL).

[a la izquierda]

47. The gym works for me.

I've never been super expressive with my emotions...and that can be a problem for me emotionally.

[Liberalynn]

48. The gym sounds like a great idea.

I can relate some to keeping my emotions bottled up. I tend to let joy and sadness show but not anger and frustration at others. I'm always afraid of either losing friendships or some form of retaliation. Most often I end up talking those emotions out on myself.

Physical activity does seem to help me let some of it go.

[shenmue]

49. I used to play with my dog

Now that she went to Heaven, I watch a British mystery or a hockey game on TV.

[Skittles]

50. sex and rum

yes INDEED

[Major Nikon]

51. Whiskey

[yuiyoshida]

52. Anything caramel...

love that junk!!!

[RebelOne]

53. A bottle of wine. n/t

[JesterCS]

55. cannabis :) n/t

[warrprayer]

56. ....