Could I please have some vibes for my daughter?

[LiberalEsto]

One of my daughters (age 27) was hospitalized last week for repeated suicide threats after her boyfriend broke up with her. At the ER, they gave her a blood test and discovered she was pregnant.

While she was in the hospital (a really good place), her sister and I went through her room to remove wine and otc and prescription pills. We discovered a prescription container of clonopin that she'd had refilled April 4. It was filled with otc benadryl tablets, but no clonopin. When I asked her on the phone where she'd put the 30 tablets, she told me she'd taken five of them a day for six days and finished it all.

My husband had met with her doctor a month or two ago to ask him to stop prescribing it for her, and the doctor agreed, but she had one more refill on her last prescription. I told her to tell her case worker, and I told the case worker as well.

A doctor advised my daughter that she might want to consider an abortion because of the heavy doses of clonopin, but she freaked out. She had an abortion two years ago and has felt miserably guilty about it ever since. She's spoken to the ex-boyfriend about it - he's 27, lives in another state - and they're going to "work things out" and keep the baby. Neither one has a job or has finished college - he's living with his father because of a DUI.

When I picked her up at the hospital, she seemed sweet, calm and reasonable. When we got home she began yelling at me about going through her room and letting her older sister go through her room. I know she's going through withdrawal, but she would not let up on me. This morning she barely spoke to me before leaving for an outpatient session at the hospital. She lives with us, is unemployed and is about to start classes to become a certified nursing assistant.

I don't know how I'm going to get through the coming weeks and possibly months of verbal abuse. I will try to get to an al-anon meeting this evening, if only to get away from her.

[vanlassie]

1. ((((HUGS)))))

[magical thyme]

2. healing vibes for your daughter, but also for you

and your family.

Re: her doctor's advice, however guilty she feels about her earlier abortion, how will she feel if the baby has serious, lifelong problems as a result of the drugs? Not giving advice in any direction and I've never heard of the drug she was taking, but she may want to research that drug and see what it's potential effects could be.

[LiberalEsto]

5. Thank you, magical thyme, and thank you to all of you

To the best of my knowledge, clonopin/klonopin is a highly addictive antidepressant closely related to valium and xanax. It can cause birth defects. They gave her a lot of information on it, and how dangerous it is, but as of now she's dead set on having the baby.

[libodem]

10. And have an ultra sound as soon as possible

I wonder if an amniocentesis would detect any abnormalities?

[Ptah]

3. Good vibes for you and your family, LiberalEsto

[Xyzse]

4. I am so sorry... Vibes packaged and sent.

I wish her luck, and hope this goes better.

[In_The_Wind]

6. These vibes are for you and your entire family.

If you need to vent you can always send me a PM.

[libodem]

9. You are my kinda friend

Thanks for being you. You have a good shoulder to cry on. I know I have.

[In_The_Wind]

16. ...

[Ron Obvious]

7. I'm sorry

That's a lot to put up with.

Good luck to you and your family.

[libodem]

8. The Al Anon idea is excellent

I went to my One Day at a Time book to look for today's message:
When I can finally persuade myself to let go of a problem that has been tormenting me, solutions begin to unfold that I never believed possible. This should convince me that my human understanding does have limits-- that there are things I can't figure out by myself. Only then I will let go--and trust to a Higher Power for help.
Such an experience-- seeing things happen that I did not bring to pass-- should prove to me that another person's actions and fate are not in my hands. The sooner I accept this, the sooner good things will begin to unfold in my own life.

Today's Reminder
To" Let go and let God" is the way we find peace of mind. Our stubborn self-will can only hinder the working out of our problems. If I really want to be free to build a satisfying life for myself, I must first release the alcoholic from my efforts to direct and control.

[libodem]

11. There are some spiritual practices

That minimize the guilt about abortion.

. http://www.eckankar.org

[elleng]

12. Oh DEAR LibEst,

and I suggest, for you, tho I KNOW its difficult: IGNORE the abuse, walk away from it. I often do similar things, knowing that anything I say would not be taken in a positive vein, and what I'd say, often, would be unpleasant, even tho true.

[snacker]

13. Sending positive vibes to your entire family

[hedgehog]

14. Vibes headed your way!

[hamsterjill]

15. My vibe to you will be one for strength.

Take care of yourself first because you will do no good for your daughter if there's nothing left of yourself to give.

My vibe is for strength for you because you will obviously need to be strong yourself, but I sense you are also going to have to be strong for and toward your daughter to get her the proper recovery that she needs.

My best wishes to you both!

[TBF]

17. When you are at the al-anon

meeting please talk about this situation to get support.

The word that comes to my mind is enabling, but if my now tween daughter had these issues and were in her 20s I don't know that I would handle it differently. It's hard to know without walking in your shoes.

Prayers for strength to keep yourself safe from abuse. You don't deserve that - especially not in your own house.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

18. Sorry to hear all this. Vibes for your daughter and you and all the rest involved.

Hoping everything is resolved with a Happy Outcome for all. Peace.

[Kaleva]

19. I wish you, your daughter and the rest of your family the best.

[Skittles]

20. look at al-anon meetings as a way to help yourself, and her

you said you don't know how you're gonna get through the coming weeks - al-anon can give you those tools......good luck to you both, and know that someone is ALWAYS here at DU for you

[riderinthestorm]

21. (((hugs))) You're never alone here LiberalEsto - please know that you have people here

who have your back.

Take care of yourself. Sounds like a very, very tough situation. Your daughter's very lucky she has you in her life

[kwassa]

22. Has your daughter done any 12-step work herself?

Does she recognize that she has a substance-abuse problem?

[MrScorpio]

23. All my vibes nt

[DebJ]

24. LiberalEsto, you can pm me if you like when the verbal abuse gets to be too much...

my 32 year old son has bipolar disorder. I'm used to it. Love him dearly; understand his condition;
have had to develop different maneuvers to get through the verbally abusive times. It can be very
rough. The last several years I take it much better than I used to do.

[steve2470]

25. many good vibes for your daughter

[fizzgig]

26. my best to you and your family

i am sorry you guys are having to deal with this

[lovemydog]

27. I just said a prayer for her and you,

LiberalEsto. Good luck. Please take everything slowly.

[mahina]

28. Best luck to all of you.

Courage !

[Coventina]

29. What a tough situation!

Sending hugs, vibes, etc. your way.

[bigwillq]

30. Sending out my best vibes.

[LiberalEsto]

31. UPDATE: Things have calmed down a bit

THANK YOU ALL for your kind words, good vibes, and prayers. I think they're helping. You are angels.

I went to Al-Anon last night. It was a really nice group of folks, and I found the meeting helpful. I've been to different Al-Anon meetings in the past, but was always turned off by the God stuff and the Lord's Prayer, and stopped going. I'm a Goddess believer.

When it was my turn, I talked about my family issues and then mentioned (as nicely as I could) why I disliked the religious stuff. After the meeting 5 or 6 women told me they felt the same way. Looks like I'll keep going. My husband was exhausted from work and didn't feel up to going.

My daughter went to her outpatient program yesterday, and is going again tomorrow. They do some 12-step work during the 3-1/2 hour sessions. I'm happy she walked both dogs -- twice -- today. She rarely walks her own dog, just turns it loose in the fenced back yard. I talked with her about the importance of exercise both for depression and to get in better shape for the pregnancy. They told her the same thing at the hospital. I hope she keeps it up. At least she and I are talking again.

It's early days, but I've got my fingers crossed.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

32. My dear LiberalEsto...

I'm glad things are better! You and your family are taking some very positive steps.

I will continue to hold the good thought for all of you.

[onestepforward]

33. I'm so glad that you found a support group

and that your daughter is taking positive steps forward.

Will continue to send positive vibes to your daughter and your family.