Hippopottamus Stew

[LynneSin]

http://www.cooks.com/recipe/6i91m04e/hippopotamus-stew.html

HIPPOPOTAMUS STEW
1 med. sized hippo
1 ton salt
Pepper to taste
500 bushels potatoes
1000 gals. brown gravy
200 bushels carrots
400 sprigs parsley
2 sm. rabbits (optional)

Cut hippo meat into bite sized pieces. This will take about 2 months. Cut vegetables into cubes (another 2 months). Place meat into large pan and cover with gravy. Simmer for 4 weeks. Shovel in salt and pepper to taste. When meat is tender, add vegetables. A steam shovel is useful for this. Simmer slowly for 4 more weeks. Garnish with parsley.
Will serve 2, 700 people. If more are expected, add 2 small rabbits - this is not recommended as very few people like hare in their stew

[In_The_Wind]

1. Methinks: This does not bode well.

[LynneSin]

3. I'm not inviting you to Thanksgiving dinner

[antiquie]

2. My large pot is waaaay too small.

[LynneSin]

4. I found a solution in the comments

Mike (United States) says:
Sounds great, cant wait to try. We smoked one using a U-Haul truck and burning old railroad ties. It was great but had to forfeit the deposit.

[antiquie]

5. Thanks, I'm on it.

[Phentex]

6. LynneSin, it doesn't have to be this way!

Just because your mother told you it was ham doesn't mean you have to do the same. Times have changed. People have evolved. You can break the cycle.

[LynneSin]

8. I'm making enough Hippo stew to serve 2700 people and you won't be one of them

that means everyone in the lounge but you will be invited

so THERE!

you have no one to blame but yourself for being left out

[Phentex]

10. in that case

Can I borrow your iPod?

[LynneSin]

11. Oh hell no - no one touches my Ipods

I have 2 backups now. Not taking any chances.

[OriginalGeek]

13. You should sneak it and fill it with nothing but Led Zeppelin songs

sung by Miley Cyrus.

[KamaAina]

7. Give me a hippopotamus for dinner

Only a hippopotamus will do!

[LynneSin]

9. I thought you were a Yak man

Go figure

[KamaAina]

12. Only if it's served with a side of steamed kudzu

and cornflake-breaded.

[jmowreader]

14. I think your measurements are a bit off

Most people can't hold eleven pounds of potatoes at one sitting, which is what this recipe provides.

[Autumn]

15. It's fine. Stew is always better the next day, I just add another cup of burgandy.

This recipe may need a case.

[LynneSin]

17. Might need a vineyard

Seriously

[jmowreader]

19. No, it needs a barrel.

It also needs a few onions. A thousand pounds should do it.

[NewJeffCT]

16. Here's a potential pot to use...

[Xyzse]

18. Being conscious of sodium, I'd probably cut the salt to about half of that

I know you add all of those other things in there, but a ton of salt is a recipe for a heart attack.

Unless, most of that gets siphoned off during the cooking process, or the hippo gets salted first in a tub of 1 ton salt, then that makes more sense. I just worry for my poor heart.

[LynneSin]

22. You do know that recipe serves 2700 people

So it shouldn't be that much salt I think

[Xyzse]

24. I don't know about that.

Hippo is usually 3 tons alive.
That involves organs and bones.

That is a 3:1 ratio of meat to salt.
Some recommend a .25 oz salt to 1 lbs meat ratio.
Ratio then should be
1 lb meat : 0.015625 lb salt

Way too much, unless that salt is eaten by the potatoes, carrots and everything else.

So it might still be right. For the heart conscious though, I'd still half that.

What am I talking about? I know nothing... (Jon Snow)

[pinboy3niner]

25. If you prefer, you can just substitute...

...2700 pinches of salt. Whatever floats your hippo.

[Xyzse]

26. Hmmm, it needs enough salt to create buoyancy for the hippo meat

I get it, I get it.

[LynneSin]

27. Well when you come up with your own recipe for Hippo Stew for the lounge

and the lounge approves then I'll just shut up about mine

[Xyzse]

28. True!

I'll try to look for one.
Hmmm:
Oldest recipe for soup they say is using Hippo meat
http://www.express.co.uk/comment/expresscomment/436360/Disgusting-delicacies-from-hippo-soup-to-a-roast-rat

"I tried boiling the fat, flesh and skin together," Sir Samuel continued, "the result being that the skin assumes the appearance of the green fat of the turtle but is far superior. A piece of the head thus boiled, and then soused in vinegar, with chopped onions, cayenne pepper and salt, throws brawn completely into the shade."

http://www.cookingpanda.com/simplerecipes/the-first-soup-was-made-of-hippopotamus/
Geeze, I look and look, and there is nowhere to find that recipe.

[pinboy3niner]

20. A dark Cave. In the middle, a Caldron boiling. Thunder. Enter the three Witches. ...

One is named LynneSin...

[denbot]

21. Can I use a Rino as a substitute?

I'm trying to cut down on my cholesterol intake.

[LynneSin]

23. You want me to cook a 'republican in name only'?

Or a Rhino

[denbot]

29. I'm flexible

Rino, the other white meat..