ESPN and Major League Baseball announce the cancellation of the playoffs
Attention: The following is satire. It's not true, except in the sense that ESPN can hardly be bothered with baseball that doesn't feature a franchise from two certain cities.
BRISTOL, Conn (GP) - Baseball fans across the nation were stunned today when Commissioner Bud Selig, in his last act of office, abruptly canceled the Major League Baseball playoffs. In a statement issued from ESPN headquarters (aka the Center of the Universe), Selig announced that the 2014 playoffs had been canceled because "Nobody was going to watch them anyway."
While casual baseball fans reacted with astonishment, many insiders said they could see this coming. "No Yankees? No Red Sox?" one official at ESPN was heard to complain. "What's the point? What's the fucking point? Game over, man! Game over."
Rob Manfred, who is replacing Selig as Commissioner effective today, said that while it was a dark day for Baseball, he assured the weeping employees of ESPN and the assembled members of the Baseball Writers of America (who were understandably distracted by the buffet line and paid little attention to the incoming martinet) that next year both New York and Boston would again take their rightful place at the center of Major League Baseball, "If I have to void every goddam contract in the Majors to get some talent into the Bronx and Fenway!"
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Here's to an Angels - Nationals world series!
