The stages of grief they don't talk about in the media.
I just got back to California from my mother's funeral and associated business in Michigan and going through the stages of grief was a long journey, much longer than I expected because I found myself experiencing things they don't talk about in popular psychology. And if you have not yet experienced a major loss in your life (and may your loved ones live long, long, and healthy live) you may find yourselves experiencing them. For those who have suffered loss, you may find that you are not alone:
1. Jealousy: "Why does (fill in the blank) get to live to 93 while my mom is dead?". Yes, I thought that. As I talked to people during Visitation, all I could think was how much older some people are compared to my mom when she passed. Why couldn't it be MY mom. Why can't she have another twenty years?". Never mind that mom had a peaceful, painless. By golly, I wanted her around as long as anyone else.
2. Confusion/Disorientation: One morning after the funeral, I took dad and my son out to breakfast. We we were all worn out from the previous two days and were just going to take it easy. But I might as well have been looking at Egyptian hieroglyphics instead of a menu. I could not understand a single word I was looking at. FINALLY, I realized I was looking at a food menu and was able to fumble around and pick something out. I was this useless for about two days.
3. Hope: For the first time in decades, this agnostic began hoping that all the things about Heaven that I heard in church were true. I clung to it as I looked at mom in her coffin. "It can't be the end. It has to be true that I'm going to see her again." And even now, I am holding out for the possibility that I indeed will.
I still feel her near me. i know I did in her house. I can still hear her voice. One way or another, whether it's a spirit or just memories. She'll always be with me.
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She WILL always be with you...
Our bonds with our loved ones are very strong. You've dealt with some very strong stuff surrounding your mom's death and funeral and I think that's why you're feeling all these things. It's your mind's way of coping and maybe even protecting you.
Be good to yourself.
I totally get #1, although I've not experienced that myself. You explained it very well, and I don't think I've ever heard anyone describe that feeling. Very brave of you.
I think #2 was shock finally settling in. I say that because it was after the funeral and you were probably letting down from being so strong. It takes a lot to get through the activities surrounding a funeral.
As for #3, we all need hope anywhere we can find it.
I am so sorry you are going through this, I am sure it is a tough road.
i certainly remember the confusion & disorientation -- i wasn't able to concentrate on reading anything for several months after my mom passed from this world. when i did, the first book i read was "we don't die" about the medium george anderson. after that, i read as many books on the afterlife as i could find. it was a tremendous comfort.
my mom was & has been around quite a bit. i've gotten countless "signs" from her, sometimes even within hours of asking for one; i still smell her mixture of powder & perfume on occasion, one of the lights in the house began working again after over 10 years of not working--it would flash on and off sometimes, sometimes it would just turn on and a couple hours later turn off--that went on for several months after her passing. there have been lots of things like that.
i don't doubt your mom is still near you.
i just want to let you know there is a bereavement group on du--it was my go-to place for several years here. hopefully you can find some comfort there as well.
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=forum&id=1234
"Your Mother is always with you. She’s the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street, she’s the smell of certain foods you remember, flowers you pick, the fragrance of life itself. She’s the cool hand on your brow when you’re not feeling well, she’s your breath in the air on a cold winter’s day. She is the sound of rain that lulls you to sleep, the colors of a rainbow, she is Christmas morning.
"Your Mother lives inside your laughter, and she’s crystallized in every tear drop. She’s the place you came from, your first home, and she’s the map you follow with every step you take. She’s your first love, your first friend, even your first enemy, but nothing on earth can separate you. Not time, not space….not even death."
-----Author unknown
take care.
I found it helpful to talk through it...finding a group where I was comfortable expressing the many emotions I was feeling. DU is here for you if you don't have a physical group.
She will always be with you.
I personally found that #1 was actually anger more than jealousy. Anger at the injustice, not the survivors. It's a hard slog no matter how prepared you think you are. 
May you find peace soon...
From this mother of sons.
