Proof that Comedian Steven Wright has been around A LONG TIME.....

[A HERETIC I AM]

(You have to be of a certain age to understand this joke)

"I just bought a new house. It's one of those little yellow houses in a shopping mall parking lot. It's kind of small, but when I have a party, I have parking for ten thousand."

[Arugula Latte]

1. You'd probably get your party photos done pretty quickly, as well.

[IcyPeas]

2. A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

[URL=.html][IMG][/IMG][/URL]

[A HERETIC I AM]

5. I dropped spot remover on my dog and now he's gone.

[underahedgerow]

3. Gah, I saw his name and immediately thought 'Geez is he still alive?'

Yanno I'm old now.

Pfffffft.

[oberliner]

4. He's not even 60

Not sure why you would think he wasn't alive.

[seaglass]

6. Yes and I saw him back when he was performing at Ding Ho's in Cambridge, a unique

Chinese Restaurant-Comedy Club. THAT was a long time ago. OMG between him and Steve Sweeney, I do not know who was funnier, loved them both.

[trof]

7. Wasn't Sweeney the mayah of Great Shitty of Boshton?

[LNM]

8. I saw him in Boston in 1985

We were young out of town visitors with a night to spend in Boston. We had a nice dinner then went to a comedy club that looked like a Lutheran church basement. Eight-seat folding tables and chairs. We didn't expect much, it was pretty cheap, but wow, he was fabulous with his observations. What was his planet-earth quote? Wish you were here?

[A HERETIC I AM]

9. "Someone sent me a postcard picture of the earth"

.
On the back it said, "Wish you were here."

"I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards.
I got a full house and four people died."

Here's a long list of his quotes;

http://www.weather.net/zarg/ZarPages/stevenWright.html

[LNM]

15. That's it!

Thanks for the link!

[Doc_Technical]

10. This is the guy!

He said, for protection, he bought an East German shepherd.

very disciplined.

[lovemydog]

11. The sign said 'Breakfast Any Time'

so I ordered scrambled eggs in the Italian Renaissance.

[NanceGreggs]

12. Last night, I cooked Minute Rice in the microwave ...

... I almost went back in time.

[A HERETIC I AM]

13. I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake.

I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.


When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year.
I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.

[NanceGreggs]

14. Why do they make ballerinas dance on their tippy-toes?

Why don't they just hire taller dancers?

Wright on his imminent fatherhood: I plan to buy two of everything;; two cribs, two highchairs, and a double-stroller.

Eventually the kid will ask: "Did I have a twin?"

I'll say: "Yeah."

He'll say: "What happened to him?"

I'll say: "He didn't listen."

[eppur_se_muova]

16. I'm staying in a hotel in Vegas that has a pool on the 40th floor ...

I can't believe how deep that thing is.