Another one for the gals..............

[clarice]

Do we like "bad boys?" or "soft sensitive men?" or "both?"

[Skittles]

1. we like guys who are not boring

[Adsos Letter]

2. I wrestled a bear once...

[Skittles]

3. you want I should kick your bear-wrestling ass, Adsos Letter?

LEMME AT YOU!!!

[dixiegrrrrl]

5. and one who is quite intelligent.

Usually that will preclude being bored.

[Wounded Bear]

4. In my male experience, the answer is...

Yes

[femmocrat]

6. "Both" at different times....

We outgrow bad boys around age 18 or so and look for sensitive men to spend our adult years with.

You guys got that?

[Dont call me Shirley]

7. Bad boys, no good. Sensitive men, the best. Both, too bipolar.

[madamesilverspurs]

8. A puzzlement!

Especially if you like one but are drawn to the other.

[CrawlingChaos]

9. Depends what you mean by "bad"

I do like a man with a healthy disrespect for authority. And by "healthy" I mean authority that doesn't deserve to be respected. Authoritarians and Boy Scout types are the least sexy creatures on the planet, IMO. But "bad" as in asshole, that shuts down all attraction immediately.

I'm attracted to kindness - especially kindness to animals or other helpless beings. Makes me go all melty.

And if I'm honest, I like a certain amount of enigma. Someone who needs figuring out, if you get my drift.

Republicans (and all other flavors of conservatives) might as well be smooth like Ken dolls. They are that sexless in my eyes.

[dawg]

21. O', dp,ryjomh pg sm rmoh,s/

Gohitr ,r piy/

[Callmecrazy]

23. Maybe...

But not until after sunset. It IS a conductor after all.
Just tryin' to help.

[CrawlingChaos]

29. Well hello there

Come here often?

[dawg]

31. O', [tryyu ,ivj s trhi;st/

Nrrm s ,r,nrt domvr 3--2/

[CrawlingChaos]

32. fresh

You kiss your mother with that mouth?

[lastlib]

10. okay, girls, explain this to me: Why is it........

...that women will fall head-over heels, nutso, dipsy for men who will abuse them, beat them, cheat on them, treat them like absolute shit--and yet those "Boy Scout types" one of you was deriding above who would bend over backward to make them happy, take a bullet for them, die for them, but can't get the time of day from them, let alone a date???

It has baffled me for almost forty years.

[CrawlingChaos]

16. Well since I'm the one who said it

I'll tell you. By Boy Scout type (which I lumped in with authoritarians) I meant someone who is devoted to an institution or any type of hierarchical power structure, typically with a set of rigid parameters for thought and behavior. This signals to me someone who is less likely to think for themselves - less of an individual. Isn't it obvious why this would be an attraction-killer?

I don't accept the notion that women are more likely to go "nutso" over men who treat them badly. Sometimes women are economically trapped with abusers, but that's obviously a different story. There can also be self-esteem issues at play, not to mention some disturbing lingering attitudes, often held by both sexes, about what constitutes acceptable treatment of women. We could get into a really dark discussion about that, but the point is I don't accept that abusers are inherently attractive to women.

Likewise i don't think your hypothetical devoted man would be any less attractive to women because he had those desirable qualities. It's just that we don't tend to pick our partners like an employer going through resumes of job candidates - there's a lot more alchemy to it than that and sometimes there just isn't any spark. It kind of sucks, but human beings are kind of a mess. That's my view anyway.

(edited for typo)

[raccoon]

18. Thank you! "I don't accept the notion that women are more likely to go "nutso" over men who treat

them badly."

I'm sick of hearing this from men.

I grant you, SOME women do. Know why? "We are comfortable with the familiar, even if it is painful."
I think most women in these cases are from families where they've experienced abuse.

[dawg]

22. It makes no sense to bend over backward for a woman.

They don't deserve any more consideration than you do. Besides, most women prefer their men less "bendy" anyways.

[F4lconF16]

26. There are a lot of misconceptions here.

If we're going to be nice enough to call them that.

First, let's talk about the second half of your sentence before we get into the main point.

and yet those "Boy Scout types" one of you was deriding above who would bend over backward to make them happy, take a bullet for them, die for them, but can't get the time of day from them, let alone a date???

Most women I know don't want to be worshiped. They just want to be respected as equals. Putting her on a pedestal is insulting to both her and you, and leads to all sorts of unpleasant relationship dynamics.

Second, you haven't even got a date yet, and yet you're willing to take a bullet for her? Ready to die for her? Can you understand why someone might find that a bit creepy? I don't know about you, but I would not accept a date with someone I felt idolized me. It's insulting because you're ignoring who I am: a regular person with lots of faults and flaws, who is going to need patience and understanding. When you idolize someone, you put a strain on them to be perfect, to live up to your expectations. No one wants that.

Lastly, most of the men who can't get the time of day from women (at least in my experience) because they're too "nice" are not actually nice at all, but passive-aggressive men who don't understand how to treat women as equals. They're entitled and believe they deserve a women because of their nice-guy status and, oddly enough, women pick up on that. I've yet to see a truly nice guy have any problems talking, relating to, and understanding women.

As for the first part:

Abuse and violence are complex things. Power is as well. There are many, many reasons women (and men) do not leave an abusive relationship. You should do more reading on that to understand. Here's a few links:

https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/why-do-adults-stay-in-abusive-relationships/

http://www.racsjc.org/forms/abuse/Why_People_Stay_in_Abusive_Relationships.pdf (A good .pdf file with a solid list)

http://www.womensweb.ca/violence/dv/leave.php

There's lots more information out there. It's not too hard to understand if you try.

And btw, I'm a guy.

[Sobax]

30. Their father will have been exactly the same, if he was even part of their lives

Women are subconsciously attracted to men who remind them of their father. If their father was a violent and abusive asshole, they'll seek out this type of man the rest of their lives and never understand why.

[Marie Marie]

11. Intelligence and humor light my fire!

And that of course excludes all conservative Republicans so - there you go...

[KMOD]

12. That's what I fell for, and hard.

Smart and funny.

[Marie Marie]

13. Good for you KMOD

If he can hold an intelligent conversation AND make you laugh then life is never boring.

[KMOD]

14. Exactly!

[lastlib]

17. You may be the only one that goes for those.....

I'm a Mensa candidate. And I have a GREAT sense of humor--I can make ANY lady laugh. It's easy--I ask her for a date, she LAUGHS!

[mackerel]

15. Make me laugh

[we can do it]

19. Girls

For friends sensitive guys.

[frogmarch]

20. Kind and thoughtful,

gentle and caring, someone your dogs and cat take to immediately and he to them. If those qualities show “sensitivity,” then yes, sensitivity is what I always looked for in a man when I was young and looking for one. Now I look for those qualities, or at least some of them, in everyone.

Never liked the bad boys.

[bigwillq]

24. I like bad boys.

But bad boys are really just for fun The soft, sensitive dudes are better long-term.

[Arugula Latte]

25. I like men who are smart, funny, liberal, and kind.

I really enjoy a smart ass, as I feel they are fellow travelers. I like men who are confident in their masculinity and I've never been attracted to the stereotypical "guy guy" -- sports obsessed, macho, derisive of the arts, afraid of appearing weak or feminine -- yech. Also, I could never be with someone who is religious. I need to feel like I respect a man's thought process, and his concluding that there are supernatural creatures where no evidence exists for such a conclusion is a real turn-off for me.

Oh, and men who hate cats are poison. The worst.

But this is all hypothetical. My husband fits all my criteria and I have not been single in 25 years.

[F4lconF16]

27. Lol. That is the one unbreakable line I have as far as dating.

Oh, and men who hate cats are poison. The worst.

[Arugula Latte]

28. Great minds ...