Did you ever break off a friendship over phone call vs. text messages?

[closeupready]

By that I mean, did you ever have a friendship with someone who seemed only to text, never to call on the phone?

I'm having a hard time with my friend and, as petty as it sounds, his commitment to texting me rather than phoning (and then getting upset when I do NOT text him ASAP).

I do not want to text. I want to talk with you.

Am I being stupid?

[Xyzse]

1. No, I try to keep my friends as much as possible.

When I lose them, it is a huge blow to my spirit.
Any mode of communication is fine.

[closeupready]

2. It might be a deeper problem than I am willing to recognize.

Thanks.

[Xyzse]

3. It's possible.

However, him getting upset that you don't text back immediately may be an issue as well.

Sometimes people are busy after all. However, a text back in acknowledgement after a while would be nice.

As for preferring the phone call, I can definitely understand that. Especially if there are so many texts flying around that it is best to just call already just to hash things out immediately.

Good luck on keeping the friendship.

[Populist_Prole]

4. I feel the same way you do

There's a few I know who are just like that; one of them a family member. Their refusal to talk and rely on a barrage of texts definitely puts a strain on our relations.

When I say I prefer to speak they all say they're "too busy" or somesuch thing. I think it's rude as all get-out.

[closeupready]

5. True story, not a joke: I went out to dinner with him and another friend once.

Met him in Union Square in Manhattan - I like wearing a hat, and almost never take it off. We were seated, and they were texting on their smart phones. About 5 minutes after we sat down, they said, 'why don't you take your hat off?' So I did. They then went back to texting on their phones.

[Lorien]

8. I HATE THAT!!!

I have a buddy who does the same thing whenever we get together. He spends 90% of the meal looking at his damned phone! I hardly ever get to see him anymore anyway because of his work schedule, but when we do get together for dinner he spends it texting with other friends. And even when some of those other friends are with us he still texts!

I ended a 17 year relationship over texting a couple of years ago. It got to the point where he was either staring at his computer screen or looking at his phone nearly every waking moment of the day. I don't even like carrying a phone with me! We used to have conversations that went on for hours, but it got to the point where unless I posted something Facebook he simply wouldn't pay attention to it. I don't think that he's even noticed that I'm gone from his life, he's THAT glued to the damned screens! There's great things about social media, but it can also leave a person very lonely.

[closeupready]

10. It's sickening, IMO.

[Lorien]

7. I've had the same problem with several friends

some I don't hear from any more because I don't text. I got cataracts last year after taking two courses of Prednisone without taking potassium as well (if only the doctor would have told me)! So now I have lens implants that make seeing anything small near impossible. I only use my phone to call people; i simply can't see the texts or keys well enough to text with anyone. But still friends are angry with me for not texting and refuse to call! These are people in their 40s and 50s, and I remind them that we survived just fine without even having cell phones. I tell them that they can email me instead (I can blow those up on my 30" monitor) but they grump that it's not the same. WTF?! What's so fucking awesome about texting?

[OriginalGeek]

6. Meh

I don't like to talk or text. I guess email is OK as I can reply at my leisure without thinking they are on the other end waiting for a text.

If the phone rings and neither my wife nor daughter are around to pick it up it'll go to voicemail. The text message alert tone goes largely ignored as well.

And, as for email, it's not my most favorite, it's just my least unfavorite. I'd really just rather my wife handle all outside communication and relay to me the important bits.

[SwissTony]

9. My wife and daughter do this. It drives me up the wall.

They are very close but spend hours texting and/or facebooking each other. I say to my wife "Just ring her!" A two minute phone call lasts at least 30 minutes.

I avoid facebook like the plague and text only when I can't reach someone directly.

[panader0]

11. I had a buddy who was just a bit off.

This was a few years ago, before I knew anything about texting. He texted me several times, without me being aware
of it, and when I didn't respond in a week or so, he went nuts and called me every name. When I finally found the
texts and read them, I called him and told him he was an ass. Haven't heard from him since.

[csziggy]

12. Not exactly - but family members I cut off partly because of it

1. Sister who "kept everyone up to date" on my Dad's illness - by texting to my landline.

2. Her daughter who texted unnecessary stuff while I was driving downstate during Dad's final illness, then got mad at me because I didn't immediately text back. Hello? I'm driving, I have a brick of a phone that barely can receive texts and that I have no idea how to text with, and the crap she was sending was so irrelevant that if you said it to my face I probably wouldn't have responded.

3. BOTH of them got on my case for not owning the newest iDevice to make it easier for them to text me. No device would have helped in the above situations - I get no cell signal in my house and I do not answer my phone when driving.

For those and other reasons, I no longer communicate at all with these two idiots.

[Skittles]

15. good call there, csziggy

they sound like clueless, selfish assholes

[Xyzse]

17. I can understand where you are coming from, but may I defend them a little?

Just a little mind you, on point 1, points 2 and 3 are indefensible.

1 - There are group mass texts that can be done through the phone for all concerned parties. I had to deal with that very recently as a mass text in groups were going around between multiple people updating us on the status of a friend of mine who was in the SICU who just passed away. It helped us quite a bit. During times of stress, people are not really thinking clearly, and it is possible that they were not even thinking that the phone line they were responding to was a land line. Not only that, if it was a group text, you actually have no idea who is responding since each response from all the people in that group mass text would automatically forward to everyone.

I just can't find it in me to cut off someone who is trying to communicate. It shows, even if they seem vapid, unintelligent and obtuse, that they are at least trying in some way.

Maturity does take time, and you lose out on connections and experiences to be had otherwise. Well, I guess if you don't think that they are worth it, it makes sense. I just can't do that to family or those I have relegated to family status.

I've been finding people so easily and willingly cutting each other off their lives for such small matters that it does not really make sense to me.

I apologize, this just got to me at the moment.

[csziggy]

19. The main reason I cut them off was NOT the texting stupidity

It was their selfish and cruel actions towards my mother while my Dad was dying. Both my sister and her eldest daughter ignored Mom's wishes, created havoc in the hospital and literally turned their backs on Mom while trying to assert their "rights" on how Dad should be treated.

The texting was just a precusor of how they thought that whatever they wanted to do had to be allowed and condoned by everyone else.

I could have tolerated when they screamed at me in the hospital room while Dad was dying but to turn their backs on Mom while she was trying to deal with losing her husband of 67 years was and is something I can never forgive.

[Xyzse]

20. Now I understand.

From your post, I did not see that detail.

Thank you for clarifying, and I can definitely understand where you are coming from.

Again, I apologize.

[csziggy]

22. No offense taken

I only mentioned the part about the texting originally. Thanks!

[Xyzse]

23. Yeah, due to circumstance, it hit me harder than usual.

Thanks again for clarifying.

[Lorien]

27. Usually the "small matters" are just final straws

after masses of larger matters have been heaped on to the camel's back.

[noamnety]

13. It sounds like your friend may have a phone phobia.

I doubt it's anything personal toward you, or rudeness, more likely a form of social anxiety over making phone calls. I have it, my husband has it - we found that out the first time we wanted to order in pizza but neither of us was willing to make the call to have it delivered. Married 20 years, we've still never had a pizza delivered!

[fizzgig]

14. my husband hates the phone

and refuses to call anyone he doesn't know. i have to make his doctor's appointments.

[cwydro]

16. I hate the phone also.

And I even had a job at a call center, which believe me, did NOT cure my phone hate.

I text my best friend all the time. Obviously, we talk in person as well, but rarely on the phone.

Though I WILL order food on the phone lol!

[REP]

26. Working at a call center just made it worse

I will make calls if necessary, but it's the least-used function on my phone.

Besides just hating to talk on the phone, my shoulder/arm/hand problems make holding any type of phone for long very painful.

[raccoon]

18. Well, I know with one of my friends, it seemed that every time she called she was asking for a favor

Also, when I called her, she stated her business and she wanted to get off the phone ASAP. (she hadn't done like
that in the beginning.)

So I got to where I always text her.

[olddots]

21. I still send telegraphs

and smoke signals , selfies are painful .

[closeupready]

24. Ok, now THAT made me chuckle.

Thanks!

Oh, and P.S. to the OP - I spoke with him; I was blowing it all out of proportion; he was never even thinking in those terms, so friendship saved!

[GOLGO 13]

25. Meh. All my male friends are short & to the point when it comes to texts/phone calls.

Friends: What U doing? Come over.

G13: Whats up?

Friends: Game starting...

G13: Got beer?

Friends: U stupid?

G13: 20 minutes. Gonna stop for siracha chips

Friends: Good hurrythefuckup
---------------------------------------------------
See that? That's how you do it ladies.

[Kali]

28. I would rather get the texts in most cases.

sometimes details are more easily worked out verbally, but I don't really like to talk on the phone.

but expecting instant replies isn't going to work either, I leave my phone in the car all the damn time.