It's strange how circumstances can change a person.

[Tobin S.]

Last edited Sun Nov 15, 2015, 06:15 AM - Edit history (1)

Back when I had more than enough money I was much more introspective and probably more interesting. I wrote a lot back then. I wasn't worried about paying bills or if I'd be able to afford an emergency. I had the luxury of time to really think about things and pursue knowledge. I read books.

Now days, all I can think about is finding a better job. I don't read or write much. I spend much of my spare time doing job searches and applying for jobs. I'm worried about money. I'm getting my hours cut at work and they are talking lay-offs. I feel like I'm on the edge of desperation. It's not bad yet. We still have enough to cover the bills with a little extra, but I don't feel secure, financially.

It's enough to make a guy want to live on a commune.

I have three good looking leads on jobs right now. The main downside I can see to them is that they would all be a long commute. Two of them are 25 miles away and one is about 40 miles away. The guy at the one furthest away wants to interview me in person. I just have to find the time to do it because our schedules conflict. It looks like I'd have to take time off work to do it. It's the least attractive of my potential opportunities for several reasons, but it is more promising than my current job.

The other two leads are better, but I haven't scored and interview with them in person yet. I have had a phone interview with one. He said that there was some competition for the position, but that I was in the running. He'll let me know more next week. For the other job I had to do some testing at an employment agency yesterday. There were four tests. I surpassed all of the required scores. It's the one time so far that my college education has given me an advantage in my job search.

[hunter]

1. Good luck, Tobin S. !!!

I'm up late tonight, can't sleep.

But I've got the "can't stop obsessing about things that I can't do anything about right now" anxieties stewing my brain when I lie down to sleep. The nightmares are back too.

I know part of it is the shorter days, part of it my PTSD about holidays, and part of it the usual money crap.

Knowing what the problem is doesn't really help.

I'm not feeling creative at all.

sigh

[Tobin S.]

2. I hear you, hunter.

I'm in the eastern time zone and I got up at 1:30AM after about four hours of sleep. I don't feel sleepy at all now and it's nearing 6AM.

When I've got a serious problem, I can't think about anything else, it seems, and it keeps me up at night. I don't drink caffeine or alcohol anymore so it isn't that stuff. I'm just worried. Knowing I can't do anything about it right now doesn't help set my mind at ease.

[hunter]

3. .

[redwitch]

6. I hear you. Boy do I ever.

Financial stress is sucking all the peace out of me. I sleep poorly and I have an endless loop of worry chasing around my brain. I work as hard as I can but it still isn't enough.

[Tobin S.]

7. We are in the same boat.

Here's to hoping we can paddle to shore and find a little peace and security.

[redwitch]

8. Yes.

[magical thyme]

4. welcome to my world, Tobin

I've lead the bulk of my life this way, from when I was first on my own going forward. I shared your sleep-deprived night last night -- couldn't fall asleep until sometime after 2am, the last time I checked the clock.

I had a single reprieve, back from 1995-1999, when I was recommended for 3 months contract work in another dept. at the company that had laid me off the year before. 3 months stretched into 5 years, and I first doubled and then tripled my old salary. No benefits, but I'd never needed them before (except the health care, which HMO had left me to die when I was seriously ill, so that was no loss only gain).

That 5 years was my only break from worrying about money, but even then I worked constantly to make as much as I could while I could because I knew it couldn't last. I will always be grateful to Al Gore for "inventing" the internet and making the high tech boom possible.

It was also a 5 year break from clinical depression, when I was doing creative work I could take pride in, was treated with respect by management and my clients. Still hated by my peers, but that has always been the case except when they didn't notice I existed.

Hard for me to believe after all I've been through that just when I thought I finally would be secure and have enough income to start paying off student loans and saving again, with combined p/t wrk and social security, the lab dumped me without notice, without even the common decency of telling me themselves, instead leaving me to find it on the schedule.

[Scuba]

5. That's the way they want you - too damned desperate to consider who it is that screwing you.

[PassingFair]

9. How's the weight loss going?

Are you getting any exercise?

[Tobin S.]

10. Lost 3.2 pounds last week, 48.8 total. I posted it in my weigh-in thread.

I did do some walking last week, but not as much as I had been. But, hey, over three pounds in a week? Most people will take that.

[PassingFair]

12. !!

Success!

[brer cat]

11. You understand more than most of us

how crippling, emotionally and physically, it is to live life constantly on the edge. The endless worry about money and how to cover basic necessities wrecks our health and eats up unbelievable amounts of time, as does job searching.

I do hope you find a great job soon, Tobin. I remember your posts when you were in school, and I hope you get the reward for your work.

[Tobin S.]

13. Thank you.

There is this web site called Indiana Career Connect. It's the largest compilation of job postings in the state. They work in concert with an employment agency called WorkOne. That's where I've gotten my best leads. Unfortunately, they are usually few and far between. There is not much opportunity where I live. At least, not much I can make a living at. There has been very little to go on in my field of study. I haven't gotten an interview yet because of my degree and of the jobs I'm currently hoping to get, none of them require a degree.

The best opportunities I've seen for people with my degree in this area are management trainee positions that require you to relocate after training. It would have to pay a whole for me to seriously consider that, and that's just not happening.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

14. Oh boy, my dear Tobin...

You still write so very well that I can feel your anxiety and worry come right through the screen!

I know you'll get something and you'll be OK. Getting there, however, is distinctly not fun.

[riderinthestorm]

15. I've got no answers Tobin. What's going on just sucks

Keep trying. Your persistence has to break that logjam soon.

[panader0]

16. The commune option sounds great to me.