NEVER get into a relationship with someone who has adult children...

[Miles Archer]

...unless those children have 100% of their shit together.

I promise you that if you get involved with someone who has kids in their mid-30s (younger or older, doesn't matter) and those kids are train wrecks, it will suck the life force out of you. "Love" won't save you. 100% of your time with your "significant other" will be spent in denial or watching them enable what is already in place. And if drugs, alcohol or both are involved, take Iron Maiden's advice and run for the effing hills.

If any of them decide to "move back in," you will understand why an octopus cannibalizes itself when under extreme stress.

Stay tuned for my next post on what to never do in relationships. "Never Sleep With Your Boss" (yeah, I did that too).

[restorefreedom]

1. btdt, sort of

kid was younger but it was still all about the kid and the ex, being kid's other parent. relationship was constantly strained and eventually ended.

am in a ltr now, but if not, would still be very unlikely to date anyone with kids. not the kids fault, they need parents. but dating someone with kids means you will NEVER be the focus or the highest priority in their life. at best, you are starting out at number two/three/four depending on where the job and ex fit in.

not a great way to start a relationship

[Tipperary]

3. I had not-so-great relationships with SOs who had kids.

That is just not for me. I stayed friends with my exes however and that is always a good thing.

[restorefreedom]

8. glad the friendship part worked out

it did for me with most exes except for the guy with a kid. but he turned out to be kind of an opportunistic ass anyway, so no loss there.

it definitely wasn't for me either. i don't need to be the center of anyone's universe, but its nice to feel like a full partner. and when someone has kids with another coparent, it can never really be a full partnership imo.

[dixiegrrrrl]

2. That's another thing I like about being relatively poor....

Both my grown kids and his grown kids would beeline straight for the other parent/and -or inlaws, who have more money.

[Miles Archer]

14. EXCELLENT point, BUT...

...in THIS situation, my girlfriend's ex DOES have more money, but the adult kids have all pretty much burned their bridges with him, so they come here, where there is no money, because someone told them that if you squeeze a turnip hard enough, blood comes out.

[Xyzse]

4. I will still have to applaud you for taking chances.

I don't get in to relationships often, and I can count in less than one hand those that went beyond friendship.

See, I don't date. A new person to me I first befriend and get to know. If it evolves, great, if not, I have a good friend. I never make a move unless I am sure that it is what I want and it is worth pursuing. Otherwise, I will maintain and nurture that friendship to the best of my ability, and I can get very much attached with friends.

I can't wait for the end of this year as this one has been spectacularly bad in some ways.

[Phentex]

6. I was about to reply to you but...

looks like you edited. Anyway, i was going to whine about how weird friendships can be and why it sometimes seems easier just to give up on them.

I had a very close friend but her life was always a mess. I tried to be supportive (and was!) but last year, I felt like our friendship was just another thing she was too busy to make time for. I took a step back and she didn't seem to notice for quite some time. Then when she did, everything just became awkward between us.

I should not have been surprised. She told me about all the friends she had before that this happened to.

Anyway...friendships are trying at times.

[Xyzse]

7. Thanks Phentex

I just figured that it was not right for me to air what happened to me in this thread, so I edited it to the first part.

Friendships can be trying, and I care about her deeply still. However, I just have to just treat her as a child now as that is how she has been, and anything else is an exercise in futility.

The hard part is that her mother is a family friend... It's been a crazy year.

[restorefreedom]

9. don't know what all happened

and i don't need to. just wanted to wish you well for the coming year. sometimes bad stuff happens in batches, hopefully this year will bring a batch of better stuff to you

[Xyzse]

11. Thanks. I am definitely trying.

Should be a decent start.

[restorefreedom]

13. :) nt

[Miles Archer]

10. Thank you

You're right...my mind has spent a lifetime correcting mistakes made by my heart.

[Xyzse]

12. Definitely!

[Phentex]

5. Never did it but I suspect you are right...

I have a couple of friends who married into this and it never seemed to work out well.

[edgineered]

15. That sets a very high bar.

Sure the kids can be a thorn, and always will be, but there really aren't too many other options. Perhaps the only thing more stressful in a relationship is falling in love with someone just like oneself, speaking from my own experience that is. Imagine trying to convince yourself of something you don't believe - whether its telling a lie or eating the last cookie you can't get away with it. Both you and your other self know better. On the other hand it is a game of extremes - on the flip side things could not be better. (how well one handles frustration runs along the x axis of time)

[restorefreedom]

17. its true that many out there dating

have kids, and as we age, the kids will be older too. some people have had it work out. some of my older relatives got married again and there were grown children and it worked out. guess it depends on the people involved. i would tend to avoid it if i could. but then i am not sure i would date at all

[callous taoboy]

16. I dodged that bullet.

I really had strong feelings for my S.O., and I do miss her a lot. But there is no way I could have walked into a life together with her 30 year old train wreck son.

[Paulie]

18. Video for reference

Sorry to hear about the drama. Good song pick