I tried to overdose wednesday night

[KBlagburn]

This discussion thread was locked as off-topic by Kali (a host of the The DU Lounge forum).

didnt work, got out of hospital tonight. Family dropped me home and all went to do their own things. So here I am in a dark, gloomy house with no one to talk to. So what should I do? any suggestions from my DU family?

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. Talking to us is a good start...

The hospital folk decided you weren't a threat to yourself? I mean, it sounds as though you were suicidal.

I hope you're feeling better, and less hopeless.

I'm curious as to why you tried to OD.

[KBlagburn]

3. just been feeling very hopless

and depressed. I get 70% disability from VA and have apllied for SSDI. I have no money. and my wife and kids all blame me for our situation

[RebelOne]

13. Do you realize the grief you would cause your wife and kids

if you decided to end your life?

[one_voice]

2. Talk to us!...

maybe take a nice relaxing shower/bath. Do you read? Loose yourself in a good book, or movie.

When I'm stressed or feeling down, sometimes escaping in a book is a great way to 'get away'.

Please call someone if being alone is too much!

[KBlagburn]

5. my wife and kids all knew

what shape i'm in mentally yet they left me alone. they know i am suicidal yet they left me alone. I have no support whatsoever
I am on anti depressants that arent helping.

[one_voice]

9. I wish I was there to help you through...

it's a horrible thing feeling that alone. I've been there, thankfully, I'm good now.

We'll keep talking to you if it helps.

Pick a topic and we'll talk.

[polly7]

24. I have been there, I lost my closest friend, my Dad this way. If there is anything at all

I can help you to understand, please pm me. You deserve to live better. I know how hard it is.

But above all else, please call for help, as others have suggested. You're not alone, as much as it seems you might be.

[MiddleFingerMom]

4. Somebody is ALWAYS here to talk -- tho it might take a coupla tries.

.
.
.
I think the best thing to realize is that you're not REALLY all alone.
.
There are caring people out there/in here.
.
.
.

[KBlagburn]

6. I could be in a room with a hundred ppl

a still feel alone. I feel like all the problems in the world are somehow my fault and if i wasnt here they would all get better

[Tikki]

7. I listen to music when I am stressed....

If nobody was at home, I'd certainly put the volume
up to 11.



Tikki

[KT2000]

11. You have what is called

an invisible disability. That is probably what is making things so difficult - people just do not understand what they cannot see. I too have one of those invisible disabilities and it hurts when loved ones seem callous.

But the truth of it is - they really cannot understand. So -I decided not to take on their ignorance as my problem. Sure it bothers me but if people truly did understand - they would not intentionally be so cruel. It's just the way it is. We have to forgive them and just keep on keeping on.

Why not turn the tables on how you are seeing things? Problems in the world your fault? No way! that's impossible. Things would be better if you weren't here? No way!
I think you should try to see a counselor so you can talk these things out. Antidepressants aren't the whole answer. You are faced with a challenge right now - and you can get through it. Really.

[siligut]

8. OK, so we have established that your family is incapable of support . . .

Yet, they somehow expect it from you. OK, and now we have established that you cannot depend upon your family for anything. You have come to the right place for the time being. Some very basic things have to change, beginning with your belief in yourself. You can recover, you have the ability. Review all of your options. This is a difficult time for many people, you are not alone, but you have to take care of you, you are number one.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

10. OK, I've read your responses here and I have some suggestions.

You need serious psychiatric intervention, and pronto. Do you have access to a suicide hotline? If so, call it. Tell them what you've told us. We're not really qualified to help you.

I cannot believe your family blames you for all of this. You are seriously depressed and there's no way you can be blamed.

Get help now.

[siligut]

12. I agree with CalPeg, call your local hotline

Difficult situation, yes, but you can overcome it. Get the help you deserve to do that.

[one_voice]

14. This^^^^...

I'm concerned with you being alone. Please call someone.

[MiddleFingerMom]

19. Agreed 100% -- make the call.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

41. ^^^^^yes, I agree with Peggy^^^^^^You need to go back to the hospital and sign yourself back in.

You need some intensive CARE and you need to have a CARE plan established before you leave...you need a support group firmly in place BEFORE you leave the hospital.

Please. GO.

They can help you....give them your time ...

PLEASE!!!

[Noodleboy13]

15. Keep talking to people here.

If you have a close friend, I encourage you to talk to them, invite them over. You probably shouldn't be alone. I attempted to OD 2 years ago, threw up, and so nobody knew. It sounds trite, but despite how things seem now, they can and will get better.

Cry, if you can. I know that can be tough for some people, but you need to let out your pain somehow. Punch a pillow, scream, whatever, but try to get that pain and sorrow out of you.

You are in my thoughts, know that people do care for you.

Remember that depression is a disease, and that you are stronger than it.

peace, sympathy, love and hope
Noodleboy

[applegrove]

20. Yes crying helps a great deal. When you finish you have a slightly different take on reality and

have accepted a loss (not being able to make enough money for your family is a huge loss). Then you connect to a new beginning. vibes to you.

[mackattack]

16. you should

tell me where you are from because I bet I have a cool story about it and you can add some perspective.


and Ill be up laaaaate grading papers. Ive got all night to chat.

[Brickbat]

17. Hey there, here's a number you need to call now. Like, right now.

1-800-273-8255, it's the national suicide prevention hotline. There are people there who want to hear from you, who want you to talk and will talk to you as long as you want.

You can also go here: http://suicideprevention.wikia.com/wiki/USA to find information that's more localized.

Call someone and talk. You're not going to get what you're looking for on a message board right now. You deserve help and there are resources out there for you. Please call. You're in my thoughts.

[applegrove]

18. They have really good pharmaceutical drugs today. They can tweak them so you have a strong baseline

and can focus more on goals and success. But please hang out here for sure. And take the long view of life. Talk to any old person out there and they inevitably went through years that were really bad in their lives. But things got better.

[Danmel]

21. please call 800-273 -talk

It is a suicide prevention line for veterans.
Please please reach out to them. They really do care.

[elleng]

22. Come over here, as well as Lounge.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=forum&id=1151

[madinmaryland]

23. CALL THIS NUMBER NOW --> 1-800-273-8255

[KBlagburn]

25. thank you

i will call that number

[emilyg]

27. Hugs for you.

[KBlagburn]

53. thank you

[Ruby the Liberal]

29. Lending my thoughts and prayers.

Please call and talk through this.

I too have been there. It is a very dark place. You have a wife and kids who care. Make the call.

[Lone_Star_Dem]

32. I just want to say, you're not alone.

Many of us have stood where you're standing now. It really does get better. I wouldn't just say something like that. It's true.

[barbtries]

100. best wishes to you Kblagburn

remember there is tomorrow, make that day yours, to heal and to grieve. good advice in this thread. do reach out to get the help you need. this thread is just the first step.

[unionworks]

26. BEEN WHERE YOU ARE

DON'T DO IT BRO! Oftentimes whenyou think there is no hope, if you could only look a short way into the future you would see that things will get better! CALL THE NUMBER FOR VETS POSTED ABOVE, and I am here in the meanwhile. At one point over the last decade I felt like the world had fallen on me and couldnit go on. Two things happen - you get stronger and things get better. And you grow from it, as you realize when you look back. DON'T GIVE UP.

[irisblue]

28. call the number...

keep talking to us.

[KBlagburn]

30. I have a therapist and a psychatryst

saw my therapist wed am, came home and my 18 yo son told me that since I draw 70 VA disability and have applied for SSDI that I was less than a man since I could no longer support my family and the worst part, my wife was there when he said it, and she said nothing. and that is what sent me over the edge depression wise.

[unionworks]

33. If you are on near full

Disability from VA, nobody has a right to make you feel that way. You are not the first to go through loss of support from family. So have I and others on here as well, and I fully understtand how badly those closest to you can hurt you when you need them most. But when you are fighting for your survival, it is time to go into "fuck everybody" mode. You must take care of yourself regardless of their hurtful words. It reminds me of the song "Garden Party". -

"It's all right now,
I've learned my lesson well,
You see, you can't please everyone, so
You got to please yourself"


Things can and will change, and things may well mend with your family as well. Don't throw it away.

[pinboy3niner]

34. Well, you should always listen to 18-year-old boys...

...because they know EVERYTHING.

Your son can gain more understanding and come to a more enlightened view. As much as it hurts to hear him pop off like that now, things can get better.

Hang in there. And give yourself a pat on the back for having the guts to take the hardest step--reaching out for help.

[Chan790]

65. If more people listened to me when I was 18...

there would be lot more people with facial tattoos and erotic piercings. That's because 18 year olds are fucking idiots.

Take it from someone who is not only young enough to remember 18 but also was raising an 18-year old when I was not much older than that. I'm the immature one in my family but raising the youngest sibling aged me immensely at 24.

[irisblue]

35. i knew everything when i was 18 also

i know a lot less today. i suspect, a son, he has to define himself now in opposition to you, if that helps at all, he's doing age appropriate (sp?) behavior. doesn't help the hurt of your heart though.

[Ruby the Liberal]

36. I only wish the 40-ish me could go back in time and visit the 18-ish me.

Christ almighty, I would smack me into next week for talking out of my ass.

[pinboy3niner]

38. Violins doesn't solve anything

Wait...wut?

[Ruby the Liberal]

61. ...

[bif]

31. Hang in there!

If you're on DU you're special.

[KBlagburn]

37. The worst part is I didnt even know I O'D'

I had taken 2 ambien, rather than my usual 1. they (my family) said I was staggering about and ended up taking 13 more. they also said i had taken alot of my other normal meds. But when I looked after getting home today all those meds were still there. But the ambien bottle is gone. one of the side effects of ambien is sleep walking, so i guess its possible i took more later, i just dont know. The doc told me this a.m. that I almost stopped breathing and that they were prepping me for a breathing machine.
All I know is that I dont remember anything between wed night and this morning.

[unionworks]

39. I have heard

Ambien has nasty side effects like that. I'm not a doctor so I can't say anything, but after this I hope your doc reevaluates everything you are taking. It looks like you are being kept here with us for a reason!

[KBlagburn]

40. i called the vet suicide hot line

i just needed someone to talk to since i am by myself, that lasted about 5 minutes. so my options of ppl to call have run out

[unionworks]

42. Still here bro

Keep on talkin, your options will not run out here. I just went and nuked a hot dog.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

43. Get off the AMBIEN... that shit is crazy stuff...

fucking legal acid....TRIPPY shit.

[unionworks]

47. I have heard

Bad things about. It too, but didn't want to discourage him from taking meds if he needs them. Any good doctor would imo completely reevaluate all of his meds at this point.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

49. gosh yes, he needs to be assessed and have a med adjustment under observation of Professionals

skilled at knowing the signs and symptoms.

[Joe Shlabotnik]

44. No. Your options have not run out. n/t

[KBlagburn]

46. they had me on abien for sleep

and wellbutrin for depression. I was rated 30% Ptsd , that makes up part of the 70% total. we also have a Notice of Disagreement trying to get 15 years back pay. but that could take a very long time.

[unionworks]

52. My best friendcame home from the war

Early 70s. 7 years later, after his marriage broke up, terrible flashbacks and pure hell and misery, they figured out what PTSD was annd gave him full disability. Infuriating to know our gummint is still fucking over vets.

[Joe Shlabotnik]

56. I've been dependant on ambien for about 9 years myself.

And have taken wellbutrin, (and about 5 other antidepressants). I've taken too many ambien, with clonazapam, and a 12 pack of beer, and even drove on top of that, a few times too many myself. It's a slippery slope from relief to ruin. The worst part is the embarrassment that you feel the next day, or, on return from the hospital and the feeling that somehow you are less of a person. But thats not true. However you may 'feel' right now is not an accurate measurement of the way things really are.

[KBlagburn]

63. thank you , i appreciate the words of wisdom that come from experience

[Ruby the Liberal]

67. Wellbutrin/bupropion is a mind fuck.

When I mentioned my suicidal ideation (and medical 'allergy') that would be Wellbutrion. Bupropion is now listed with Penicillin on the never, for any reason, give to me list.

I remember that time well, but don't even recognize myself from those days when I do reflect on them.

Talk with the doc who dosed that for you ASAP. Whether it is depression, PSTD or to stop smoking (common Wellbutrin dx), there are alternatives.

[unionworks]

45. Sometimes when I get depressed

Doing something I enjoy helps. Do you have a hobby? I went to electronics school and have a ham radio license. I found I have a hard time because if I am anywhere near a second hand store, I have to go in and purchase any vintage electronics I can afford. Last purchase was a 1966 Zenith phonograaph still in the box, had never been played. I love collecting the old vinyl records. You don't mention how old you are, maybe that is before your time.

[KBlagburn]

48. 48

[unionworks]

54. Still a young buck!

55 here. One of the last of the boomers!

[KBlagburn]

51. another issue I am dealing with the VA docs is this

I have 2 docs from 2 separate civilian hospitals that say I had a heart attack back in december. I could not get in to see the va cardio docs till the end of Feb. so when i do go see the VA docs They walk in the room and tell me I never had a heart attack.

[unionworks]

55. there are some really good

VEterans advocacy groups that are listed on the web. When you are feeling a little better, perhaps you could contact a couple of them to get some help in dealing with the VA.

[KBlagburn]

58. I have been working through a group called

"still serving veterans", they are are a local group umbrellad under the VFW. they helped me get 70% after drawing 10% for 15 years.

[unionworks]

62. Sounds like a great group of people

...and don't be shy about letting them know about other hassles you runinto with VA. You might be helping someone else further down the line avoid the same runaround.

[one_voice]

50. That ambien is no good...

that shit is toxic. Talk to your doctor about something else.

[unionworks]

59. Sounds like good advice

...it sounds like the shit damn near killled him.

[ScreamingMeemie]

57. Hundreds of people attended my husband's funeral... He thought everyone

would be okay without him. We are not okay without him. We are not even close. You don't want to imagine the look on your children's faces when someone has to tell them you are gone.

People care. I care. I need you to stay alive. I need you to do the thing that my husband could not. I need you to live.

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

1-800-273-TALK (8255)


You are loved. You are needed. You have an impact on more lives than you could ever possibly imagine.

[KBlagburn]

60. thank you so much, I wish my family showed 1/2 that much concern

[Kali]

64. listen to her

[KBlagburn]

66. I am listening. Trust me I am

But when your 18yo son says your less than a man because of your disabilities and your wife doesnt speak up to contradict him, and then they pick you up after spending 2 days in the hospital after ODing, and just drop you off at home by your self while they go and do their own thing. kinda tough thinkin they care.

[ScreamingMeemie]

69. It can be very, very tough.

You have to trust me on this. A suicide dies just once. Those that are left behind die a thousand times. Reliving moments. Thinking they could have changed things. I live with the overwhelming guilt (even though I know I shouldn't) of what I should have/would have/could have done. As do all of the members of my family and our friends. Many days I have to tie a knot and hang on tight. Come hang on with me. We can do this.

[KBlagburn]

71. I am hanging on

but sometimes it feels like it is by a thread and the thread is unraveling

[unionworks]

72. that's why we are here

...to catch you. I sincerely hope you weigh a lot less than I do!

[KBlagburn]

73. you may be disapointed my friend

[unionworks]

70. We ain't leavin you alone, don't worry.

Went through this many times with my best friend and union brother. He passed away a few years ago, he would be smiling, pull up a chair and sit and talk with us. He would get you laughing in spite of yourself!

[Kali]

74. I don't know why they would leave you alone

I do know 18 year old kids say all kinds of shit that, especially if they are feeling afraid or are overwhelmed with events. That is what they do. Parents get a lot of crap thrown at them - it usually means you have done well and they will eventually become human beings.

I suspect your perspective is somewhat compromised due to all of this. You clearly have a large amount of crap to deal with. Medical bureaucracies can be so aggravating! But you have made it this far. It sounds like the overdose was even a sort of drug-induced event. You are obviously a strong person to have made it this far. Please see that there are lots of us here who care about what happens to you.

I really hate to do this, but I have to warn you that it has been policy for a long time at DU to lock threads like this with a message of care, but that we are not professionals here, urging the poster to contact a crisis number. DU3 is a little different but we may eventually have to lock it for that reason - not to shut you up or off - just that we can only help by talking, we can't do the professional stuff you may really need.

If that happens you can still PM me (and probably many others) and you can still read and post replies in other threads, but it may mean the topic of suicide will have to be off limits. I want you to focus on the good thoughts and caring posts in this thread and to try and feel the positive energy everybody is directing your way. And call those numbers again!

[KBlagburn]

75. i understand, especially with the way my luck has been going

this is the one place i could turn to to let my feelings out, especially being alone. I will understand if that is taken away as well. Although I really appreciate those here who have tried to help, I thank them all from the bottom of my heart.

[Kali]

77. hang in there, it is always worse at night

sometimes in the morning you wake up and say was I freaking out so bad about last night.

I know there will be a few posters around all night even if things slow down - you are not alone. Are you east or west, late or early? It is almost 11 pm here in Arizona.

[unionworks]

84. Funny you mention that...

Pinboy3niner and I were grooving on Billy Joels "Goodnight Saigon" last night

"Charlie owned the night,
And the night seemed longer
Than our 6 weeks
On Parris Island"....

[unionworks]

78. Check your DU mail

We will still be here!

[Joe Shlabotnik]

68. may or may not be appropriate but,

[IMG][/IMG]

But seriously, sometimes that includes family.

[bluesbassman]

76. Brother, you need to find a hobby to focus on.

Sometimes the little hobbies I have are the only thing that gets me through the day. It doesn't even have to be a serious thing or cost any money. Maybe do some research on birds and go for walks to see how many you can identify. Anything really, just get your focus onto to something neutral.

There are better days ahead, it just doesn't seem that way when we're caught in the whirlpool. In the meantime, we're here for you.

bluesbassman - US Army, 62B, '76 to '79

[KBlagburn]

80. i dont know what ur talking about and i didnt ask for anything from you

[CaliforniaPeggy]

81. I don't know what he's talking about either...

Don't worry about it.

We are here for you!

I am really glad you're talking to us...

[KBlagburn]

82. check your DU inbox

[CaliforniaPeggy]

83. Got it and answered...

[KBlagburn]

85. if anyone can still see this

I DU mailed skinner about cliffordu remarks. I told him though i do understand that some topics are off limits here on DU but that I felt DU was the only place to turn as I had no one else to talk to, and how much help everyone here had been, trying to keep me talking. I also told him How insensitive I thought this clifford person was and that I had been a member here since the very early day of du and if he thought it inappropriate for me to turn to my DU family in my time of need, to let me know and I would end my membership.

[unionworks]

86. Still here Bro

Glad you're doing o.k.. I wouldn't worry about anyones remarks right now. You're gonna be allright.

[Joe Shlabotnik]

87. Cliffordu didn't do anything wrong.

He just offered an opinion that you're not ready for now, or maybe never will be, but thats all. It has nothing to do with insensitivity. Get a grip and stay focused.

[elleng]

90. It was HIGHLY insensitive,

as well as off topic.

[unionworks]

91. Welcome to the REAL Memorial Day Parade.

Looks like we're holding it a bit early this year.

[unionworks]

88. just looked at your profile

Holy hell, you've been here since like day one! No wonder you consider D.U. extended family. We shouldn't and won't let you down after all these years. Try and rest. That sun's gonna come up before you know it.

[KBlagburn]

93. thanks

just kinda tuff when you reach out for help and someone comes along and says F*** you. know what I mean

[Joe Shlabotnik]

89. I've got a strange feeling that you've recieved quite a few PMs tonight.

What I suggest is that when you wake up tomorrow that you re-read and re-read them again with your coffee.

But get some sleep (safely), it'll be another beautiful daybreak soon enough. Get some rest and tackle tomorrow, tomorrow. We'll still be here right behind ya.

[Justice wanted]

92. My heart, shoulders and PM are here if you ever need it. I mean it.

Please don't be afraid to talk. This is the great thing about this place.

[KBlagburn]

94. thank you

[unionworks]

99. wow almost 10 a.m.

Here in NW Pa.! Got your D.U. mail! It's great to meet a veteran D.u.er, thanks for your service in the miltary, and for your many years on D.U.! Your luck will turn for the better, just help it out by taking care of number one, Bro. I'll check back here later, and I like others here am only a D.U. mail away. NEVER be afraid to reach out and talk!

[dana_b]

95. I am so glad that you are able to communicate

with the good people here. I hope that those calls you made have done a little bit of good also. You are essential and more loved than you realize. Families and especially teenage children can be cruel sometimes but they would be distraught if you were gone. I wish I had more to offer but it looks like most of the people here have offered what makes the most sense - for you to get some help asap.

[Kali]

96. Good morning

hope you are resting or at least feeling a little better - can you go outside for some fresh air, I bet it is a nice spring day today, we are supposed to be back to mid 70s-80s after having freaking snow on Monday!

[irisblue]

97. almost 9am in ohio

good morning KB, wanna ( i love that smilie) an if i wasn't working on a rip roaring case of anxiety, i'd go to yummy donuts (real name, and true too) and get one of their cinnamon buns....so lemme send you one of those in cyber space....nuts or no nuts?

[greatauntoftriplets]

98. Call the number below for help right now. Please.

1-800-784-2433

[Kali]

101. KBlagburn, I sent you a PM a while ago

I hope you will return to the lounge and let us know how you are doing. I am going to go ahead and lock this now - please forgive the automatic message that will show up - that is part of how the system works, this message here is from me. Reread all the support you got here - PM any of us, any time - and write those phone numbers down. Call them, OK?

Be kind to yourself.
Kali