The 1st annual "Which Christmas song makes you want to shove an icepick in your ear" thread.

[Liberal Veteran]

For me, it is a tie between any jazzy/lounge version of Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer and Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree.

[LynneSin]

1. Can I vote for 'All of the Above'

[Liberal Veteran]

3. Yes. Yes, you may.

Really about the only one I really enjoy is Carol of the Bells (when done well).

[Scuba]

10. +1

[geardaddy]

11. Seconded.

[RainDog]

45. thirded

I have officially moved to Grinchville

[Sentath]

2. Christmas Shoes

Maybe it doesn't qualify as it makes me want to take an icepick to the singer, producer, crew...

[UnrepentantLiberal]

68. Thank you for introducing me

to a song I somehow managed to avoid until now. 10 on the ice pick scale.

[Gidney N Cloyd]

72. If you haven't already, check out Patton Oswalt's Christmas Shoes routine.

[beac]

80. Love Patton Oswalt an had never heard this routine.

Thanks for posting!

Mercifully. I have also never heard "Christmas Shoes'!

[Justice wanted]

97. I am IN tears listening to that. Thank you for that clip

[Justice wanted]

83. Thank you for mentioning that one! I can't believe that song was made. I can't believe that song

is played at least 10 times in my area.

[Generic Other]

86. OK I had to look this song up on youtube

And even though I never heard it before I never want to again. And that goes double for everyone in the room with me!

[JI7]

90. was this song by the same one that wrote that butterfly kisses song ?

[gratuitous]

4. ANYTHING that tries to sound like . . .

Most Christmas music makes me want to break out the sharp objects, but the ones that really irk me are the ones where the singer tries to sound like Whitney Houston doing "I Will Always Love You" with the endless notes and stylistic "fluorishes" that go on forever. Just. Stop. Sing the goddam song if you absolutely must, but park the alleged vocalist crap at the door.

[gratuitous]

78. Oh, and Carol of the Bells

That one should be booked for assault and tossed into the clink forever.

[Generic Other]

89. you are right about the flourishes

They sound as bad as the lady warblers in very old Hollywood films.

[YankeyMCC]

5. Dominick the Donkey

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dominick_the_Donkey

[MorningGlow]

6. It's a tie

"Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" and "Jingle Bell Rock". Oh, wait--make that a three-way tie with Whitney Houston's "Do You Hear What I Hear". Actually, I never used to have a problem with any of these songs, but it's more the fact that they're played NONSTOP on the two (yes, two!) all-holiday-songs-from-Thanksgiving-to-New-Year's radio stations in my area. There are so many other, really good holiday songs, but they NEVER play them--just a handful, like these, over and over and over... And to think I haven't once heard "Christmas Wrapping" on either station. Shameful, I tells ya.

[msanthrope]

7. Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer--Came out the same time my Mema died.

Yep. That fucking song came out the Christmas my Mema died. Her wake was Xmas Eve, her funeral, December 26th.

I didn't turn the radio back on 'til February.

[RebelOne]

20. Yup, that is the first one that came to my mind. That is one stupid Xmas song. n/t

[Sanity Claws]

42. That is the worst song ever

not funny

[sakabatou]

47. +1

[Lady Freedom Returns]

88. I am so sick of that song!

I have heard that song so many times now! I don't even want to think of a reindeer anymore! I want to run over a DJ! Let's make a song out of that! Ah! I hate it! I even heard a bunch of Carolers doing it two nights ago! I HATE THAT SONG!

[HappyMe]

8. Little Drummer Boy

Rockin Around the Christmas Tree

[Lasher]

35. Rum Pummm...

Give me the remote or kill me.

[GoCubsGo]

38. That's one of my most despised songs ever.

Bleeeeeeeeech!!!

[1gobluedem]

74. +1000

I loathe Little Drummer Boy. Not found of Rocking Around the Christmas Tree either.

[Bake]

9. Ding fries are done ...

You're welcome.



Bake

[Luciferous]

12. I hate them all.

[Loge23]

13. Christmas Bells

Might as well be at a funeral when this dirge drags on.

All of them would be my next answer, but Hank Garland's stinging, ringing guitar, and Boots Randolph's textbook rocking sax, saves "Rockin' around the tree"!

[OriginalGeek]

14. I'm an atheist who loves christmas music

Damn near all of it.

Naturally there are better and worse versions of many songs but I just love christmas music.

My favorites are the Nutcracker suite and Charlotte Church's version of O' Holy Night.

And after those, mostly classical music pieces.

But I like the Bing Crosby and Mannheim Steamroller and TranSiberian Orchestra stuff too.

Oh, And Santa Baby. Eartha Kitt, Madonna and Miss Piggy versions are my faves.

And the Beach Boys Little St Nick.

But that's not what this thread is about so to answer the OP: Bruce Springsteen - Merry Christmas Baby. I just hate it. ANd there's a Bon Jovi christmas song that can eat shit too.

[LeftishBrit]

22. As another atheist, I'm very fond of traditional carols!

Basically I like two kinds of Christmas music: the old religious sort, and those traditional ones that are fun and cheerful and not too solemn, such as 'Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer' and 'Jingle Bells'.

I am not too keen on those that get all sentimental about the Christmas festivities themselves.

[av8rdave]

15. The dogs barking Jingle Bells

Please...

[Lasher]

36. Oh come on, that's the very best of them all.

I like to take the radio outside and turn the volume up. The neighborhood dogs go nuts!

[backscatter712]

44. That song is particularly obnoxious.

Certainly passes the "makes me want to drive an icepick into my temple" test...

[hifiguy]

16. The Chipmunks Xmas song

and most of the others, but that one irritates me on a molecular level. If it isn't sung by Karen Carpenter, Nat Cole, Mel Torme or The Boss I have little tolerance for most Xmas music.

On the other hand, Joan Baez' version of Oh Holy Night is so shatteringly beautiful it brings me nearly to tears every time I hear it. Steeleye Span's a capella version of "Gaudete" is pretty damn nifty, too.

[EFerrari]

28. I bought that album to make my stressed out husband crack up

on December because he hated it too, right into his teeth.

[Iggo]

17. Any of the "comedy" songs.

Not cute. Not funny. Go die.

[backscatter712]

43. What, you don't like Weird Al's Christmas At Ground Zero? n/t

[Burma Jones]

18. Christmas Shoes is awful and I just heard a song about an Italian Christmas Donkey that was vile

I can drive my wife mad with The Carol of the Bells......

[frogmarch]

19. Little Drummer Boy is the one I hate most.

The murderers of little Jamie Bulger are reported to have played the song as they tortured him in unspeakable ways before killing him. Whenever I hear the song, I remember the case.

[LeftishBrit]

21. I think the most irritating one might be this one by Merle Haggard:

Santa Claus and popcorn
Jingle bells and reindeer horns
Christmas trees and mistletoe
Jesus loves me this I know.

Carols singing, Silent Night
Crosby dreams of Christmas white
We celebrate 'cause the King was born
With Santa Claus and popcorn.

Children dancing round the tree
Sleighbells ringing merrily
Snowballs flying through the air
Happiness is everywhere.

Carols singing Silent Night
Crosby dreams of Christmas white
We celebrate 'cause the King was born
With Santa Claus and popcorn.

Santa Claus and popcorn
Jingle bells and reindeer horns
Christmas trees and mistletoe
Jesus loves me this I know.

Santa Claus and popcorn
Jingle bells and reindeer horns
Christmas trees and mistletoe
Jesus loves me this I know.

Carols singing Silent Night...


I don't hear this one often, though. Of somewhat more commonly-heard ones, it might be a tie between 'It's Getting to Look a Lot Like Christmas' and 'Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time' (*not* Paul McCartney's finest hour).

I was introduced to 'Christmas Shoes' on DU, and I think that might be about the worst; but mercifully we don't seem to get it in England!

[one_voice]

23. Chestnuts Roasting On An Open...

Fire (The Christmas Song)

Gawd I hate that song...

[yankeepants]

32. Chet's Nuts

[OriginalGeek]

53. I always sang that as

"Children roasting on an open fire..."

My children were never amused.

[murielm99]

58. I would sing:

Jack Frost roasting on an open fire, Chestnuts nipping at your nose...

My kids would protest loudly.

[OriginalGeek]

77. Despite the Fresh Prince's insistance,

it's children who just don't understand...

[Lars39]

24. For the jaded among us:

&feature=related

[yankeepants]

25. Silent Night

I hate it more than any of the other carols that I hate all together. That "Round yon virgin mother and child" shit really makes me wretch. Excuse me "Virgin with Child" ???? who skipped health class here?

On the other hand if I had to pick something that I like it's

Johnny Mathis singing "o Holy Night" argh....

On another note nothing makes me shop faster this time of year, whether it is groceries or a drug store etc than the christmas carols blaring.

[nolabear]

33. I thought they were saying "round young virgin" when I was a kid.

I always thought of her as a plump little thing. It was kind of nice.

[FloridaJudy]

37. I thought it was "Round John Version"

As opposed to the Square John Version, I suppose.

I really like gospel Christmas songs - "Go Tell It On the Mountain", "Children Go Where I Send Thee" - despite not being a Christian.

I can't stand "Little Drummer Boy". I makes me want to fling something heavy at the nearest speaker, yelling "Ra ta ta ta tum, my ass!"

[Lydia Leftcoast]

55. I don't like Silent Night, either, but it seems to be compulsory at Christmas Eve services

I prefer obscure Christmas carols, especially the European ones, and Christmas choral anthems.

[WilliamPitt]

26. All of them

[Wait Wut]

27. You all suck.

You heard me. After reading all the responses I now have a medley of crap Xmas songs running in a loop through my head.

My inner DJ is crying.

[progressoid]

29. That one by Paul McCartney.

I don't even want to look it up for fear of hearing it accidentally.

[Dewey Finn]

34. Seconded.

And I'll spare you by not naming... it.

[progressoid]

57. Thanks but I'm afraid

I'm likely to hear it sometime in the next week.

[HughBeaumont]

67. Ha ha . . . it's so bad, it's now "The Song That Must Not Be Named".

[fizzgig]

61. ...

[progressoid]

63. Sorry

My wife loves Paul but that song makes me change the station asap.

[rurallib]

70. like finger nails on a blackboard

can't turn it off fast enough

[flying rabbit]

84. Oh yes

that is the one.

[lildreamer316]

92. I CANNOT STAND that one.(retail hell memories)

Having spent several Xmas seasons in retail hell, I heard them ALL..OVER and OVER. And that one by WHAM sucks too.

[LeftishBrit]

100. Agreed!

[EFerrari]

30. White Christmas

because every year there was one night that I stayed up sewing or gluing or sculpting wax into roses or some damn stupid thing with the teevee on and at some point, I'd wake up a little and hear that goddamn song.

[LeftishBrit]

101. I don't mind the song as such...

but I hate the whole idea that Christmas has to be white! White Christmas is all very well in places where it's *supposed* to be white at that time of year; but in southern England, it gets either all slushy, or worse, dangerously icy and slippery;and no one knows how to deal with it; and everything descends into chaos. In any case, it's unlikely that it was snowing in Bethlehem. The weird associations between a Nativity among Middle Eastern Jews, and all sorts of North German/Scandinavian trappings, can get quite bizarre, especially as southern England is not much like *either* the Middle East *or* northern Germany.

[EFerrari]

103. In California, no one knows how to drive in the rain, let alone snow. It's appalling.

And yet every year in December, kids are taught to long for snowy holidays. When I finally drove up to the Lake Tahoe area for the first time on a ski trip, my first thought was, I can't believe people do this on purpose. lol

[raging_moderate]

31. The one they start playing right after Halloween

nt

[Adsos Letter]

39. "All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth"

The George Rock version.

[frogmarch]

40. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

pisses me off whenever I happen to hear it. Have Yourself a Merry Paltry/Trivial Christmas.

[TK421]

41. "Last Christmas, I gave you my heart...the very next day, you gave it away"

THAT motherfucking song!!!!!*#Yghlgh

and how many motherfucking renditions of this fucking song need to be made?!@

[LiberalEsto]

73. THAT one. And Santa Baby. And any Chipmunk song.

[TK421]

104. If I hear it one more time, someone is going to die n/t

[kentauros]

46. ANY chipmunk song,

and there's more than just the one everyone knows/hates. I heard part of one on soma-fm's channel the other day and had to mute it

Everything else is either great, okay, or forgettable and easily ignored.

Here's one of the great ones:

And I love Christmas Lounge!

[alarimer]

48. All of them.

I categorically refuse to hear Christmas music on purpose. I go plenty of places where it is playing.

[femmocrat]

49. "All I Want for Christmas" by Mariah Carey

I hate that song... can never get it out of my head.

[Loge23]

99. good one!

This little musical atrocity gives new meaning to vulgar!

[tabbycat31]

50. I am surprised nobody mentioned Christmas Shoes

That song just plain sucks.

But my vote is still all of the above. Working for years in retail gets you a very low tolerance for Christmas music period after hearing it 8+ hours a day.

ETA never mind I saw it earlier in the thread. My bad.

[Rhythm]

54. It was the second one mentioned... and the first one i thought of as well!

[annonymous]

69. I also hate the Christmas Shoes song.

It makes me want to kill the songwriter that wrote that POS. I also hate the Jackson 5 version of I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus because of Michael Jackson's irritating falsetto.

[unionworks]

51. "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"

Imagine this poor kid traumatized by seeing his Mom making out with a fat pervert in a red suit. And they think it's cute. He probably still has nightmares.

[HughBeaumont]

65. I do like "I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus" by Kip Adotta.

Genuinely hilarious delivery.

[Initech]

52. *ANY* Christmas song recorded after 2002.

[HughBeaumont]

62. I'll lower that date to 1989.

That's when the Mariahs, Whitneys, Joshs and Celienes of the world took this business over and turned it into musical flatus.

[LeftishBrit]

108. I'd lower it further

The last good Christmas song was 'Fairytale of New York' (1987, I believe); and before that, probably nothing since about 1945! As I say, I like traditional carols, and am not very keen on most recent ones.

[yewberry]

56. Santa Baby. Every version.

HATE that song.

[marigold20]

66. Agree! the worst

but that Paul McCartney song is a close second.

[ellisonz]

59. "White Christmas" - by Irving Berlin.

[HughBeaumont]

64. Happy XMas (War is Over).

Hate, Hate, HATE that annoying and depressing downer of a song no matter who sings it. I just get visions of funerals, crying and dying/dead people whenever I hear it. "Hey, It's CHRISTMAS!! Let's all cry and mourn and overdose on barbituates, YEAH!!!"

Runners up:

Pretty much any Christmas song recorded after 1989 - no overproduced, over-embellished Mariah, Whitney, Celiene, Vanessa or any vocalist named Michael or Josh (unless it's Homme) in my life, thanks.

Little Drummer Boy. DUMBEST song ever. "Uh, kid? Ixnay on the snare, dumbass, baby's sleeping . . ."

Gayle Peavey's "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas". Yet another reason to loathe the 1950s.

ANYthing by Trans-Siberian Orchestra. TSO is like hummus - you're either like the diahrrea-like substance or you don't, there is no in-between. "Dial it down" is just not in TSO's repetoire.

"Santa Claus is Coming to Town" by Bruce Springsteen. Great labor-friendly musician, but someone give this guy some Ex-Lax on this one already.

"God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen/We Three Kings" - Barenaked Ladies/Sarah McClahlan (?). Came utterly close to getting my "worst" vote. Anything that comes out of the most Schwebels band in history has me running for the off button to begin with, but this one is just cringe-inducing horrible.

"Please Come Home For Christmas" - The Eagles. The only way this could be ruined more is if Glen Frey and not Don Henley sang it.

"Grandpa Got Runned Over by a John Deere" - Cletus T Judd. Just . .. shut it, slapass.

[HopeHoops]

71. Most of the shit they play in stores.

[Liberal Veteran]

75. I wish I could I redub all versions of Sleigh Ride to say...

"Oh yes it's lovely weather for a gay ride in leather with you".

[beac]

81. THAT's the one that makes me ho-ho-ho-homicidal.

I fully support your re-write and might, if you catch me being tortured by it mid-song, support forcible replacement with your lyrics at icicle point.

[MadrasT]

76. Hate them all

Hate Little Drummer Boy the most.

[treestar]

79. The one done by Bananarama, I think is the group

Repetitive uninteresting melody.

I tend to dislike the secular ones - not out of religious extremism, but as a matter of taste - the ones like "Most Wonderful Time of the Year" or "Santa Baby" or "I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus."

[Matariki]

82. Anything declaring that someone else's deity is "my King" or whatever.

[stevedeshazer]

85. Feliz Navidad

I've sprained my index finger trying to wipe that from my radio.

[Texasgal]

87. This is mine, it plays ovah and ovah

again at my office.

[Generic Other]

91. I found a site where you can listen to them ALL at one time. What a cacophony!

They are making angels bite their own wings off!


http://www.slantmagazine.com/house/2011/11/10-worst-christmas-songs-of-all-time/

[Wolf Frankula]

93. Mine are 'Little Drummer Brat and 'Starve the World Do they Care it's Christmas?'

"This baby's been a pain a rum pum pum pum.
I just got him to sleep a rum pum pum pum.
In comes that little brat playing a drum.
I'll ram those sticks right up his rum pum pum pum."

And "there won't be snow in Africa this Christmas." Do you want those poor folks to starve and freeze? Oh look at us. We're rich rock stars showing how much we fucking care about those people by singing sappy songs.

Wolf

[ScreamingMeemie]

94. Barbara Streisand's stupid version of "Jingle Bells"

It's stupid enough without her version.

[NRaleighLiberal]

95. Anything playing in stores this year that is a "recent interpretation" - esp

by the American Idol types of artists. Maybe I should just stop at the word "year".....

Everything we've heard drives us screaming from the stores.

[Orrex]

96. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

Singularly vile.

[sarge43]

98. Little Drummer Boy

All others compete for second place.

[stevenleser]

102. "Do you hear what I hear" is the one that drives me nuts.

Melodramatic crap. Tolerable once. Heard 5000 times each year compressed into a 1 month period is maddening beyond words. A real sanity tester IMNSHO.

[TK421]

105. Why can't we dedicate two-three stations to people who DON'T want to hear Christmas music?

that's what I want to know! come on! It's on every fucking station here except one!

[Paladin]

106. Isn't "Carol Of The Bells" the one.......

....with about 14,000 unintelligible words, sung in around 3 agonizing minutes? That's the one I can't stand.......

[ladywnch]

107. I have two: Christmas Shoes and A Baby Changes Everything

they are both as 'christmasy' as funeral durges........and A Baby Changes Everything has only a passing inference to Christmas. The song is about Mary's birth, but in such a cryptic fashion so as to say, 'who cares'....it is just creepy.