My new cat dilemma

[mackerel]

My daughter had to move and was not able to find a place that would take her cat. I told her if worse came to worse I would take her cat. I have three cats of my own and they are all 12 y.o. neutered males and my daughter’s cat is a 5 y.o. spayed female. My daughter asked that I keep her cat indoors and not mingle with my cats. I told her that was asking a lot but that for the first few weeks I would try.

My daughter’s cat does not like me. She has never liked me and I have never tried to bond with her. I have always been a cat person and if a cat doesn’t like me-a rarity-I know there is a reason and I stay clear of that creature.
My dilemma: This feline has been here 5 days and she is not happy. She mostly stays in my closet. She hisses anytime she thinks I’m within 5 feet of her. She was off her food the first few days but now she is eating and drinking water or at least her food and water bowls are empty in the morning, so I assume she is eating and hydrated. She used my spare bed as a litter box early yesterday morning and I spent most of the day cleaning everything up. (Nature’s miracle and the works.) She did use the actual litter box this morning.

She scares my son. My youngest daughter doesn’t want to have anything to do with her.
We just aren’t getting a good feeling from her at all. She really wants to go outside but I know my cats will not be very kind or friendly towards her. Last night she woke us up twice, clawing at two different window screens. I’m worried if I let her out she won’t come back and this will break my daughter’s heart.

Regardless of my feelings, I'm worried about this poor kitty because I know she is not happy here.


Any suggestions???????

[LiberalElite]

1. I haven't faced

your exact situation but I have lived with cats continuously for 30 years. Not that this makes me some sort of expert but IMO five days is way too soon to give up on a newly arrived cat. Since she is eating and drinking and using the litter box, that is progress.

However, since your daughter stipulated that you keep her cat separated - that is an issue. She knows her cat the best. Some cats do not like sharing space with other cats. In this case, your daughter may be expecting too much from you and needs to find an alternative (currently cat free) home for her cat.

OTOH some adjust to living with other cats despite a preference for being an only cat. I've had a couple of those too.

[mackerel]

2. I guess I wouldn't mind so much if I wasn't so afraid she use the spare bed as a litter box again.

My son is truly afraid she is going to attack him when he is sleeping. I've never experience a cat that has so much hate in her.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

3. Cats don't hate; she's afraid.

She's in an unfamiliar place with cats who "own" the territory she's been placed in and she's scared. She is unlikely to attack a sleeping person because her behavior is defensive due to fear. I feel very sorry for her.

[mackerel]

4. Yes she is scared. That aside even when she lived with

my daughter she never bonded with me or my other two kids. She was ok around a couple of our relatives and my auntie's dog. My daughter raised her by hand and I think her mother was feral.

[LiberalElite]

6. I adopted a cat "Charlotte" who someone

adopted from a rescuer as a feral kitten - that was home #1. Then she was given up for adoption due to "allergies". End of home #2. So, my apt. is her third home. I have three other cats. After more than 4 years, "Charlotte" is still leery of the other cats and even me, who feeds her. She runs away if you look at her crooked. It is what it is. I just let Charlotte be Charlotte.

[LiberalElite]

5. Please try not to see her that way. That being said,

Your son should not be in such a vulnerable position. Put her in another room.

[Laffy Kat]

7. Your daughter needs to re-home the cat.

Last edited Sun May 29, 2016, 11:07 PM - Edit history (1)

It sounds like everyone at your place doesn't like or isn't comfortable around the new kitteh. The cat can sense what's going on. Resentments will continue to build until something is done. Not good for your family or the poor kitty.

[mnhtnbb]

8. Tough as this is, it's probably the best thing to do.

It's unrealistic to think this kitty will be happy in your home where she isn't allowed to roam or isn't wanted.

[TexasBushwhacker]

9. Try posting in the "Pets" group

You may get some good advice there.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=forum&id=1161


You might try Feliway. You can buy it at the pet store.

http://www.feliway.com/us/Feliway

[blogslut]

10. Kitty needs to feel safe.

She needs her own space, her own litter box and her own food/water dishes and eating area.

As for your spare bed, get one of those cheap plastic tablecloths to cover it if it worries you. As for your son, assure him kitty won't hurt him while he sleeps. Let him know he is way bigger and kitty is scared of him and will only lash out in defense.

[mackerel]

11. Space is limited here but she does have her own food and water dish and litter box.

My cats have become outdoor cats over the years. They don't like to be inside for more than a couple of hours, especially in the summer. So we've been keeping them outside. I feed them on the front porch and we have always kept their water bowls on the front porch. Good idea about the plastic table cloth.

My son knows it is not rational to have this fear of her and he knows she is scared. It's just in the middle of the night his fears take over.

I'm not in a position right now to find her another home or send her to a no-kill shelter. My daughter would be devastated. My daughter has had a very hard time becoming an adult and she has poor coping skills.

I was hoping maybe someone might have some transitioning ideas.

I'll re-post this in the pet section and see if I can get some more input.

[blogslut]

12. I wasn't suggesting you re-home

And it's great that you've given the cat her own things.

What I mean by the cat needing her own space is she needs a hidey hole - a place where she can ensure no other animal will get to her. Your other cats may be outside but she can still smell them. If she finds it safe to hide in the closet, then let her. Eventually she'll calm down. She might never bond with you but she will calm down and all of you will will get used to each other.

[grasswire]

13. FELIWAY

Comes in a spray or plug-in.

It mimics the hormonal scent that kittens get from their mommies, and is soothing and calming.

Highly recommended by veterinarians for solving problems like yours.

You can get it at any good pet store.

Also, have you tried any playing with the cat with one of those stick and feather toys? She might need some exercise and recreation.

Do your other cats go outside?

And is she microchipped or tagged in case she happens to get out?

Feelin' sorry for kitteh. She's had a big shock.

[Rhiannon12866]

15. Yes! Why didn't I think of that?? I've used Feliway before and I'm actually using it now

It's supposed to calm cats who are stressed in new situations. It was recommended (I contacted Alley Cat Allies for advice) when I brought an abandoned kitty in from outdoors, only had the spray back then. But I'm also using it now since I found a tiny kitten (over a year ago) in a grocery store parking lot - and my housemate has two older cats - so I now use the plug in for multiple cat households. Great idea!

Here's the link: (available in most pet supply stores)

http://www.feliway.com/us/#redirected

[drmeow]

14. An old boss had a cat

which was quite literally an attack cat. This cat would not tolerate anyone but my boss - hissing and attacking anyone else in the house. When my boss met her current husband, she had to bring in a cat psychologist to get her cat to tolerate him - and it worked. I don't know what your financial situation is or how long you will need to keep the cat but, if you can, look for a cat behaviorist/psychologist/therapist. Also, talk to your vet about what to do.

[TuxedoKat]

16. Maybe

she would like a box with a cat-sized hole in the side. Might make her feel safer than the closet. Something to make it soft and comfortable would be nice for her too. Agree with everyone else about the Feliway plug too. Amazon sells them too along with refills.

[Kashkakat v.2.0]

17. Responses in no particular order - starting with the premise that there arent any

apartments that allow cats.

YES. There are. It takes some doing - maybe 1 out of 10, but they exist. And my experience is that - particularly with smalltime landlords - it issometimes possible to turn them around by offering a higher deposit, landlord and vet references AND spinning it so that my commitment to my cat and not getting rid of her was actually a sign of maturity and responsibility. Like "I've had this cat thirteen years, and Im sorry but Im not going to just give her away. This sounds like a great apartment and one I can afford - is there any way I can persuade you that Im a responsible tenant - would it help for you to talk to my current landlord? Doesn't always work but sometimes it does.

From what you wrote this poor cat does not sound wanted or liked, and cats being creatures bonded to territory finds herself in a place "owned" by other cats. From her POV she was abandoned. No surprise that she is being so very fearful (and acting accordingly) and I agree that mayb the best thing would be to rehome her - and by that I mean don't give her to just anyone, screen them and describe honestly the situation and the cat's personaility, that she probably wouldn't do well with other cats and while she's been fearful in this situation she's now in she would make a fine one-person cat.

I hope you understand there are reasons why this cat is acting the way she is - Im willing to bet that she pooped or peed on the bed NOT to make you angry, but because it smelled like the other cats and she wanted to put her scent on it. Cats do not act out of malice or forethought - like, oh that lady's gonna find it 3 hours from now and be mad - nope, that is not how a cat operates.

Yes definitely get a feliway plug in for her room (not multicat but the regular) and also for the rooms where the other cats are - so they calm down as well. Also if you're at all serious about tryin to make this work then pls read up on cat behavior / cat conflict - there are some really good animal behaviorists out now - Pam Bennet Johnson , John Bradshaw, Mieschell Nagelschneider et al.

[mackerel]

19. $1500 pet deposit in S.F. Bay Area, my daughter just couldn't afford that

and she had a deadline in which she had to move.

[Kashkakat v.2.0]

22. Guess I would interpret that to mean I couldnt afford to LIVE IN THE BAY AREA, not that I couldnt .

afford the cat deposit. But hey that's me. What is life without my kitties.

I do appreciate that you both are being responsible and making a go of it anyway. Sadly.... all too many people would just move and leave the cat behind. Best to you- hope it works well. Sometimes ferals (or former ferals wary of people) will bond with the other cats before the humans.

My only remaining piece of advice would be to see how it goes but keep feelers out for the possibility of another home just to have something to fall back on....

[bettyellen]

18. I would try to befriend her a bit because she has to be stressed she has no

Love or even allies in that space. Jackson Galaxy from My Cat From Hell has a lot of good advice on how to calmly approach the cat. Use your sunglasses or other items to get them used to your smell, try the meat glove approach, watch for movements that stress her, etc. they need a safe space of their own where they feel the other cats won't get to them, and you need advice from your daughter on what their favorite things are.
If you feel there is aggression, regular play times can alleviate that for many cats- find out if a laser or feather chaser in a pole is more to their liking.
It takes some patience for sure, but is worth it.

[mackerel]

20. Today was better. She came out for about 10 minutes when my son was here. He said that the

minute she heard me she ran back into the closet. I don't mind her hiding out in my closet. It's all winter stuff in there so I won't need it for awhile. My son is going to pick up some stuff from my daughter tomorrow that has her scent on it and I'm gonna try the feliway stuff. Everyone says I need to be more patient. This may take a long time for her to feel comfortable and she may never end up liking me but as long as she can tolerate me than we ought to be fine.

I'll check out Jackson Galaxy too.

[bettyellen]

21. If you have eyeglasses or sunglasses you've worn a bit, slide them toward her arms first...

So she can get the sent of you for a bit. You have to be calm and move slowly and watch for negative reactions. The meat glove is an old glove you smear part of with cat food, to get her interested in approaching you. Cats have a rythym: sleep, play, eat, groom themselves and sleep... So you can use that schedule to figure out their moods. Ten minutes of play works wonders in calming them down. Lasers almost always work for that, and would be good for you since you don't have to get too close to her. Good luck!

[Raissa]

23. Other ideas...

I'm balancing five cats atm and find one way to help is to offer multiple boxes for play and hide options. Soda boxes, shoes boxes, etc. when they are adapting to a new environment. I add a ridiculous amount and then keep the favorites after they've been chosen.

It can take a few months for older cats to adapt.

I'd have originally introduced her to a small space (like a bathroom) and every few days expanded her access area to keep the new environment from being overwhelming.

Feliway does work for some cats too.

If you have any artcles of your daughters clothing keep one in her safe space/bed area for scent comfort.