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a kennedy

(29,458 posts)
Fri Jun 17, 2016, 10:58 PM Jun 2016

Curious.......how many neighbors do you consider like family??

We've been in this neighborhood for 16 years...and still feel like "outsiders". Of course we're Green Bay Packer fans, and most neighbors are Viking fans........some are Packer fans, but there is a pretty big divide. Only reason we're here was our best friends found a home, and we found our home about four blocks from them. Now......after 16 years we're not friends we're actually just neighbors, just wave as we pass by their home, and the wife, my X kinda friend is dying. When we moved here in 2000 we did everything together, dinners, birthdays, vacations, in fact the best vacation we EVER had was with them. Then one beastly hot day, like 92 degrees, they were taking their boat out and I said sorry, can't go I'm dying here, I hate the hot weather. Shortly after that, we quit getting together. Miss them terribly......she's dying, doing ok but a short life line. Her husband is quite standoffish, when 14 years ago we were so close. I know, get over whatever happened and try to possibly restablish what we had. We've tried, and he won't go back. He doesn't want his wife to have much company because she's so sick......so we don't go visit. I e-mail her every week asking how she's doing, what's going on, etc. she sounds positive and we talk of her family, neighbors and medical stuff. But, it's not the same.......miss her terribly. We send flowers every month or so.....keep thinking only reason we're where we are is because of them. My husband and I are on our deck overlooking the Mississippi River having a cocktail, a pipeful of weed and listing to rock & roll from the 70's/ 80's missing our original friends.

22 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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Curious.......how many neighbors do you consider like family?? (Original Post) a kennedy Jun 2016 OP
None of 'em. In_The_Wind Jun 2016 #1
Thanks..... a kennedy Jun 2016 #2
Friends do come and go mnhtnbb Jun 2016 #3
None. Not for a long time, anyhow. femmocrat Jun 2016 #4
Hell, I'm not sure I consider real family to be "family"... Wounded Bear Jun 2016 #5
*hugs* a kennedy Jun 2016 #6
None. LWolf Jun 2016 #7
She sounds like a gem.......NOT. Isn't that funny there always seems to be one a kennedy Jun 2016 #9
Three families. trof Jun 2016 #8
I'm jealous........eom a kennedy Jun 2016 #10
It's not quite family here... dixiegrrrrl Jun 2016 #11
Sounds like a perfect place........ a kennedy Jun 2016 #13
Small towns...find yourself a small town, preferably in the South dixiegrrrrl Jun 2016 #16
I am sorry about your ex friend... Phentex Jun 2016 #12
Thanks.......just miss her so much. a kennedy Jun 2016 #14
HAD 2, years ago @ home in DC, elleng Jun 2016 #15
been here since 77 onethatcares Jun 2016 #17
What's with the neighbors to the west? ailsagirl Jun 2016 #18
I did some work for them onethatcares Jun 2016 #20
I'm sorry to hear that ailsagirl Jun 2016 #21
Back when I was growing up, neighbors were the old-fashioned kind ailsagirl Jun 2016 #19
Sadly, none. OriginalGeek Jun 2016 #22

In_The_Wind

(72,300 posts)
1. None of 'em.
Fri Jun 17, 2016, 11:04 PM
Jun 2016

Sorry about your friend.

Sounds like you do have a beautiful view.

We've been in our 'new' home 4 years. This year the neighbors are starting to wave.

a kennedy

(29,458 posts)
2. Thanks.....
Fri Jun 17, 2016, 11:10 PM
Jun 2016
oh and, waving is a start.....you'll become close. The years will pass and you'll be there for whomever has touched your heart. It all comes down to neighbors.

mnhtnbb

(31,316 posts)
3. Friends do come and go
Sat Jun 18, 2016, 06:56 AM
Jun 2016

it's sad, but it happens.

We've lived in this neighborhood (a dead end street) for 16 years--except for the year we rented after the fire--and recently became the "senior" couple with
the most years in the neighborhood when an elderly couple who were original owners of their house moved to a retirement community.

We have invited neighbors to parties at our house three times since the fire (2007) and not once has any of them reciprocated. We chat when
I run into people while out walking the dog, and our next door neighbor will gather our newspapers when we're out of town, so we're "friendly"
but not "friends" with the neighbors. It seems to be others aren't interested in getting any closer than that.

femmocrat

(28,394 posts)
4. None. Not for a long time, anyhow.
Sun Jun 19, 2016, 09:04 AM
Jun 2016

We seem to be magnets for attracting a-hole neighbors. We had wonderful neighbors at our first house and still keep in touch. But out in the country, people keep to themselves.

So sorry about your dear friend. I'm sure your efforts to stay in touch and cheer her up are appreciated.

Wounded Bear

(58,436 posts)
5. Hell, I'm not sure I consider real family to be "family"...
Sun Jun 19, 2016, 09:45 AM
Jun 2016

Just kidding, mostly.

I was never close with family over the years. About 10 years or so back, I moved back to my home area where my brother and sister still live (about 60 miles apart) and have re-connected quite a bit. My two oldest brothers, whom I hardly knew, have already passed, and I have another who lives in Japan who is visiting now.

Now, I live in senior housing and know a few friends (I've been here over a year now) and even had an affair with a woman downstairs. But that's over, and most of the rest of the residents are acquaintences at most. Of course, I'm largely to blame. Given my life history, I know I'm not a joiner and don't develop long term attachments easily. I live with it, because it's who I am.

Be happy you can enjoy a pleasant evening with your husband. Marriage was another thing I was never good at.

LWolf

(46,179 posts)
7. None.
Sun Jun 19, 2016, 11:13 AM
Jun 2016

I only have 3 neighbors. They are all some acres away from the house. The neighbors across the dead end of the dirt road are nice. We wave. We talk to each other every couple of years, and we occasionally help each other out. I often get his name wrong, and I don't know if I've ever even heard hers.

The neighbors next door are new; they've been there for about 3 years. We talked over the fence once, and on the phone once. They seem nice. I don't remember their names.

The one on the other side of those next door? We've talked. We moved here at the same time. I know her name. How could I not, when she presented me with a legal document kicking me off the shared well and forcing me to dip into retirement funds to dig another? I almost never see her, although I have to pass her place every day on my way in and out. We don't wave or chat.

None of them are like family, but I like 2/3 of them.

a kennedy

(29,458 posts)
9. She sounds like a gem.......NOT. Isn't that funny there always seems to be one
Sun Jun 19, 2016, 12:14 PM
Jun 2016

like that in every neighborhood. Ours is a fellow Dem also.......he's a photographer, has a studio and most people do not care for him because he is always finding Federal or State grants to improve his lot in life. Example, his studio is an older Queen Anne style home turned into his studio, and he found insulation that had asbestos in it and it needed to be torn out. He got a State grant hired the kids that work the orchards for little or next to nothing to do the work. None of the kids, mostly in their early 20's, wore protective clothing either. So rumor was, he made out like a bandit because he somehow pocketed the grant money got the asbestos taken out and his studio actually looks brand new. Happened before we moved here. Now this same guy is trying to get a Federal grant to get a concrete sound barrier to close off the noise of the interstate to his home, which is about 3 blocks from his studio. Oh my, the neighborhood is up in arms over this one. The sound barrier will only be helpful for about 5 - 6 homes out of the whole town of 40 homes. The grant is worth about 70,000. He has to get it passed through our city council, so at least people will have a say about it. Fun times.......oh, and we've always gotten along with this guy and his wife. She was actually the Mayor at one time, and they have an adorable wire hair wiener dog, Zoe Pretzel.

trof

(54,255 posts)
8. Three families.
Sun Jun 19, 2016, 11:27 AM
Jun 2016

We're 'in loco grandparentis' for the two little girls next door. Their parents are our daughter's age and we're very close.

I have one old friend a couple of blocks down the street who was my best man in 1969.
We're also very close to another couple our age nearby.
We've lived here 23 years.

dixiegrrrrl

(60,010 posts)
11. It's not quite family here...
Sun Jun 19, 2016, 12:35 PM
Jun 2016

There is a delicate line with being close to non-family where I live.
Part of that is Southern culture, I think.
This neihgborhood was built in the late 1950's, and the people who bought the houses on my long lived here since then.
The neighborhood did things todgether when all their kids were growing up...pool parties, backyard bar-b-q, etc.

When we moved in 11 years ago, the remaining original owners were in their 70's, , 5 were widows aleady, and eventually 2 of them died, so their houses changed hands to people who worked full time, while we are retired.
thus, dynamics have changed.

Not family, but we DO keep any eye out for each other, share garden produce, and the woman who lives closests to me and I share occasional soups, desserts, etc. We take in mail, they give me rides the times I could not drive my own car.

Most importantly, we keep an eye out for each other in the neighborhood, that is a given.
I like that.

dixiegrrrrl

(60,010 posts)
16. Small towns...find yourself a small town, preferably in the South
Sun Jun 19, 2016, 05:00 PM
Jun 2016

that's where the community still works.

Phentex

(16,330 posts)
12. I am sorry about your ex friend...
Sun Jun 19, 2016, 12:36 PM
Jun 2016

I think the worse part is not knowing what really happened (at least it is in my case which is kinda similar to yours).

Otherwise, I have many friends on the street. They are ALL better than my immediate family! Are any of us best friends? Well, I consider one of them to be pretty close but we have different circumstances and a bit of an age difference. Still, we can count on each other for just about anything. I am very close to the neighbors on either side of me. We get together for holidays and neighborhood stuff, care for each other's houses/pets when needed and borrow eggs, etc. I'd probably do more with them but my husband is extremely shy so he doesn't like a lot of social activities.

I babysit the girls across the street and have since they were 4 months old. I am closer to them than their parents but I imagine we will be friends a long time.

I am not sure what you could do short of going to your ex friend's house and talking face to face but it sounds like you have reached out as much as you can.

a kennedy

(29,458 posts)
14. Thanks.......just miss her so much.
Sun Jun 19, 2016, 01:12 PM
Jun 2016

Sounds like a great neighborhood for you. I'm actually the shy one in our home, husband is the more neighborly one. i do kinda like my privacy also, not sure if that's a result of our X friends dumping us or what.

elleng

(130,126 posts)
15. HAD 2, years ago @ home in DC,
Sun Jun 19, 2016, 01:58 PM
Jun 2016

and tho we're away from there now, we maintain the friendships. Our daughters were little then, and that helped maintain the friendships.

onethatcares

(16,130 posts)
17. been here since 77
Sun Jun 19, 2016, 05:05 PM
Jun 2016

original neighbors died or moved out. We were friendly but not friends.

New neighbors to the west are buttheads. They don't talk to me anymore.

I don't care.

Their loss.

Neighbors to the east are behind a shrub fence. We nod in passing. We put their dog
back in their yard when it escapes.

Not friends but friendly enough.

I'm getting crotchety in my late years.

onethatcares

(16,130 posts)
20. I did some work for them
Sun Jun 19, 2016, 08:08 PM
Jun 2016

and they said I was overcharging them after I had completed 98% of it. They did not respond to a note I left on their kitchen counter telling them that the extra work they wanted done was not included in what we talked about and I would like to discuss the add ons. I had approx two hours of work to do to finish the original agreement, they did not allow me to finish but told me to take my mitre saw and not come back.

I received a check in payment for the work I did do and told the woman that I would like to discuss this as I have been in business for 25 years and never had a problem like this. She basically told me to shove it.

So now I have a neighbor that won't look at me or my wife. At all.

It's a shame because the money doesn't mean that much to me.

There you go, my side.

the original work involved. Case out a 9 ft wide x 8 ft tall opening between the kitchen and dining room. Match trim style of 1945.
no painting of any type. Material by owner.

Additional work desired: install 100 ft crown molding and 80 ft of shoe mold.

Original charge: hourly $20.00. Time spent 6.5 hours. total billing $130.00

did some of the crown and shoe but they thought that should have been included in my original billing. There was no written contract, jeez, they are my neighbors. Who'da thunk?



ailsagirl

(22,837 posts)
21. I'm sorry to hear that
Sun Jun 19, 2016, 10:00 PM
Jun 2016

Sounds very reasonable what you were asking for-- to tell you to go and not come back is pretty harsh!!

Yes, these kinds of things happen all too frequently nowadays, I think.

SHE can shove it. Geez...

(Thank you for spending the time to describe what the circumstances were.)

Sometimes, even when you're right, you're wrong.

I had a weird neighbor who used to sneak over at night and sabotage my place-- just strange things like turn the sprinkle cycle off or move things. Once after I had my car washed, he came over with his damn leaf blower and pretended to clear off our driveway, but instead carefully blew dust all over my car. I think he was mental.

Thank God he moved, but not before he left some dog poop by my garage door (he had a huge dog). w-e-i-r-d

ailsagirl

(22,837 posts)
19. Back when I was growing up, neighbors were the old-fashioned kind
Sun Jun 19, 2016, 07:35 PM
Jun 2016

Friendly, even inviting us over to say nice to meet you, etc. We played with their kids and our parents got along.

But so much has changed in the intervening years-- people come and go, people are less friendly (it seems), even suspicious. We lived in Canada for awhile and I realized there that it's like neighborhoods here in the 50s-- borrowing a cup of sugar, etc. Inviting us over for tea-- very nice.

OriginalGeek

(12,132 posts)
22. Sadly, none.
Mon Jun 20, 2016, 01:32 PM
Jun 2016

Not like when I was a kid and friends with all the other neighborhood kids. I've lived in this house 30 years and my wife was in it the 5 years before that. We know the old couple across the street because their daughter used to babysit our kids and they are the only ones on the block I even know their names. We wave and say howdy but don't socialize.

My next longest neighbor is next door and he's been there about 10 years. I really should try to make friends with him though - he ripped up his concrete driveway and put in a beautiful brick paver driveway. Did it in a day - I think he's a contractor and he had his work crew come do it. Wonder if I could get a discount...

No others have been there for more a year as it seems all the owners died or moved and now everything is rentals. The kids on the other side seem nice though. Not sure how many actually live there because there's lots of coming and going but they run a dog grooming business. I doubt it's legal but I'm not gonna complain. They seem nice and came over right after moving in to check with us and make sure we weren't being bothered by the noise. I love the parade of doggies and I don't care about the noise. My dog barks some too. We live by the airport anyway lol. I hear planes more than I hear dogs and their dogs are only there during the day. I usually get to see a few when I get home from work as the owners are picking them up.

Some day I'll move into my Grandpa's house about 45 minutes north of here and might get some built-in neighbors as he's been there 46 years and I've been visiting him there since I was teenager. Most of his neighbors have been there as long as he has so I kinda know some of them.

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