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This message was self-deleted by its author (Tobin S.) on Thu Dec 22, 2016, 11:58 AM. When the original post in a discussion thread is self-deleted, the entire discussion thread is automatically locked so new replies cannot be posted.
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Don't sail into the wind.
And it sometimes happens regularly. Sometimes it never seems to stop. Sometimes
it feels as though it is personal, but usually it isn't. Sometimes it's related to choices
we make--and don't anticipate negative consequences--but sometimes it just isn't preventable
unless you make some other kind of choice (I'm thinking along the lines of relationship, job,
etc where the bad stuff that happens seems to arise out of the relationship).
All that said, you are not alone. Sometimes the order of the world seems to be one step forward
and two steps back, or, if lucky, two steps forward and one step back.
I hope that whatever has happened will not keep you down for long and that you will find a solution.
Hang in there! And come here to blow off some steam or ask for ideas if that will help.
have been wrestling with for centuries (see the Book of Job). According to the Bible God was deliberately fucking with Job, but if there is a God I don't think he works that way. Shit happens, but unfortunately it's not necessarily evenly distributed. I don't know why, but I don't think you're cursed. I have no advice except to hang in there and ask for help from friends or professionals if you need it.
We're here, too.
" I'm the most pessimistic guy you'll ever meet, pathologically so. I take powerful psych meds; without them I'm a danger to myself."
...not because you're a bad person, but because your 'random shit falling from the sky' might fall on me. It sounds like your "expectations" are dangerous. That's fine; live your life as you wish. Your life is your own and you form it.
We all want to belong to a group that shares our values and aspirations. I have said before that this, more than "God, universe or mother nature", is what binds us together and gives our lives purpose.
In the American free-market medical industry there is a large subculture that celebrates and promotes ill health. There are those that hope to make money from affecting a cure and those that consider it "random shit falling from the sky" that they have no control over. Same with religion; you choose what you want to believe and live your life accordingly.
People love to talk about the hardships they have endured. Too often, however, they let their past become their present. They call it more 'random shit' and dig in their heels. They have never been taught to visualize and 'expect' a brighter future because you know,
"Positive thinking" isn't a bad thing, but like many human beliefs, it's not a rational thing."
Now, since we're trying to help the OP with something a little more substantive than a
, I know that as a truck driver, he is already aware of the power of positive thinking. You don't get safely down the road by thinking every 4-wheeler is out to get you; the OP has already expressed an ability to foresee a brighter future so we aren't doing him any favours, nor is he doing himself a favour by accepting or even acknowledging " Random shit falling from the sky."
.
... and likely to run off in the middle of the night to swim with the Orcas?
For fire safety the doors will open a few seconds after you push them, but they've got really loud alarms and there's a delay until they unlock, long enough for ex-football player nursing staff to arrive on the scene and tackle anyone who tries to makes a run for it. The windows are also really hard to break. And there's video cameras everywhere but the bathrooms, even watching you sleep. If you close yourself in the bathroom for more than a few minutes someone will be along pounding on the door and asking you if you are okay.
I don't really remember the first 24 hours, maybe because I was psychotic, maybe it was the drugs they gave me.
The staff was really nice. Worst part was they limit your coffee intake to two cups in the morning. Addicts like me shared various schemes to get more coffee, but I suspect the staff was in on that; it was just another way to monitor a patient's progress. We could choose our own meals, the menus were fairly broad, but the dietitians had the ultimate authority. I was disallowed potato chips and other salty goodies because I have problems with my blood pressure. Other people were limited in calories, and there were a few among us who refused to eat.
I probably got out too soon because I have a lifetime's experience acting "normal" even when my mind's a mess. I'd already bounced out of the E.R. earlier that week.
I don't mean to hijack this thread from Tobin, so I'll stop there.
It does seem that some people get more than their share of bad news. I feel like I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop myself. And have a few people that are very close to me to whom bad shit is always happening too. Hang in there my friend.
Many years ago when I was in the darkest despair I've ever known, you sent me a wonderful letter about how you overcame demons beyond belief, and it gave me hope. It got me through another day and I'm still here. Because of you. I have now watched you over the years grow stronger and more confidant, even as things didn't work out as you'd hoped. But you survived. And you can survive still. You have many friends right here who are now worried about you. Please talk to us. We are here for you and care about you and quite honestly, that's about the best thing there is in this life. People who care.
So please let us know you are okay and if you need help with something, ask. If you are just needing some alone time right now, that is okay, too. We all need that sometimes. But it would be really good if you just said something back right now. Don't make us send out a search party. Because we will!
Take care, friend. 
