Rewriting sad song songs to give them a happy ending.

[Wolf Frankula]

Here's 'Leader of the Pack' with a happy ending. Well for everybody but her father.


Leader of the Pack, Happy ending version.


Mm--"Is she really going out with him?
"Well, there she is, Let's ask her"
"Betty, is that Jimmy's ring you're wearing?"
"Mm-hm"
"Gee, it must be great riding with him"
"Is he picking you up after school today?"
"Mm-mm"
"By the way, where did you meet him?"

"I met him at the candy store
He turned around and smiled at me
You get the picture
"Yes, we see"
That's when I fell for the leader of the pack

My folks were always putting him down
They said he came from the wrong side of town
They told me he was bad but I knew he was sad
That's why I fell for the leader of the pack

One day my dad said find someone new
I tried to tell my Jimmy we're through
He just smiled as he bought some gas, and then he kicked my father's ass
You don't dick around with the leader of the pack

Do do
He said we're together and that's all
He bounced my dad like a basketball
He told my mom if she called the cops,
He'd put them both in a box,
Yes Yes Yes Yes! Somebody's finally standing up to my parents.

Now we're together every day
We make love in every way
I can't stand to be without his face,
And so I'm moving to his place
I'm so glad I met him, the leader of the pack

Ooh, the leader of the pack he's my love
the leader of the pack he's my love
the leader of the pack he's my love.
Written by Jeff Barry, Ellie Greenwich, George Morton • revised by Wolf Frankula.

[raccoon]

1. Good--you can do "Tom Dooley" too. nt

[BuddyCa]

2. Old Shep

When I was a lad
And old Shep was a pup
Over hills and meadows we'd stray
Just a boy and his dog
We were both full of fun
We grew up together that way
I remember the time at the old swimmin' hole
When I would have drowned beyond doubt
But old Shep was right there
To the rescue he came
He jumped in and then pulled me out
As the years fast did roll
Old Shep, he grew old
His eyes were fast growing dim
And one day the doctor looked at me and said
"I can do no more for him, Jim"
With hands that were trembling
I picked up my gun
And aimed it at Shep's faithful head
I just couldn't do it, I wanted to run
I wish they would shoot me instead
The doctor said ok and made my wish come true.

[TygrBright]

3. Waiting for someone creative to take on "Dead Man's Curve." n/t

[LeftishBrit]

4. Clementine

In a cavern, In a canyon,
Excavating for a mine,
Dwelt a miner forty-niner,
And his daughter Clementine.

Chorus:
Oh my darling, Oh my darling,
Oh my darling Clementine,
Hard as nails, and bright as buttons,
My survivor, Clementine.

Repeat chorus

Light she was and like a fairy,
And her shoes were number nine;
Herring boxes, without topses,
Sandals were for Clementine.

Repeat chorus

Drove she ducklings to the water,
Every morning just at nine;
Hit her foot against a splinter,
Fell into the foaming brine.

Repeat chorus

Ruby lips above the water,
Blowing bubbles, soft and fine;
But Alas! I was no swimmer -
Quite unlike my Clementine
.

Repeat chorus

She swam back and reached the bank soon,
She was safe though dripping wet.
'I've been swimming since a baby.
Nothing ever sunk me yet!'

Repeat chorus

'You are mine on one condition.
You have got to learn to swim!
If you're helpless near the water,
I will wed your brother Jim!'

Repeat chorus

So now we are both good swimmers,
Me and darling Clementine
And our children drive the ducklings
Every morning just at nine!

Repeat chorus

[rug]

5. Today, Billy Joe MacAllister walked off the Tallahatchie Bridge

Of course, the renders the song meaningless.

[LeftishBrit]

6. Banks of the Ohio

(Not totally happy, but much happier than the original!)

I asked my love to take a walk
Take a walk just a little ways
And as we walked, along we talk
All would be our wedding day


And only say that you'll be mine
In no others arms entwined
Down beside where the waters flow
Down by the banks of the Ohio


I asked her if she'd marry me
And my wife forever be
She only turned her head away
And had no other words to say


And only say that you'll be mine
In no others arms entwined
Down beside where the waters flow
Down by the banks of the Ohio


I placed a knife right near her breast
And told her she was going to rest
She cried "Oh Willy, don't murder me
I'm not prepared for eternity"


I took her by her golden curls
I said, 'You're right, my darling girl
I was quite wrong, and now I see
To murder you would wicked be!'

She said, 'Thank god! but my name I've signed
To be in Tommy's arms entwined
Because he is so calm and kind,
And never messes with my mind!

And long ago I came to see
That an abuser you would be,
So far away I now shall go,
Far from the banks of the Ohio!'


And going home between twelve and one
I cried "Oh Lord, what have I've done?"
But still I'm glad that I did fail
Because I would have gone to jail!

[struggle4progress]

7. Ben Dewberry's Dinner Run

Ben Dewberry was a brave engineer
He told his fireman, "Don't you ever fear
All I want is the water and coal
Put your head out the window
watch the drivers roll
watch the drivers roll - watch the drivers roll
Put your head out the window
watch the drivers roll"

Ben Dewberry said before he died
Two more roads that he wanted to ride
His fireman asked him what could they be
Said the old Northeastern and the A and B
The A and B - he said the A and B
It's the old Northeastern and the A and B

On Tuesday morning it began to rain
Around the curve come a passenger train
Ben Dewberry was the engineer
With the throttle wide open and without any fear
He didn't have no fear
he didn't have no fear
He had her runnin wide open without any fear

Ben looked at his watch, said "Oh, great!
We won't make Atlanta cuz it's getting late!"
The train shut down by Shinbone's Cafe
They sidetracked their engine for the rest of the day
Yeah! they stopped to munch - oh, they stopped to munch!
It was supper time - and they hadn't had lunch

The big locomotive sat there all night
Ben and the fireman supped by candlelight
Their hunger was ended and their day was done
When Ben Dewberry made his dinner run
He made his dinner run - he made his dinner run
When Ben Dewberry made his dinner run

[panader0]

8. Thank you