Living alone. Who am I? What are your experiences about it?

[luvMIdog]

Most of my life I was really a very social person and did not like living alone one bit. I would always surround myself with other people. I had a marriage of well over 20 years and a houseful of children. My identity sort of was wrapped up in being someone's mate and other people's mom. Then I did end up divorcing which sent me on the first leg of feeling sort of like ' Who am I now?'.
Then one by one the kids went on their own. That was the hardest thing for me. I really missed the kids being in the house and all the daily things we had shared. Gawd knows I tried to entice each one into staying *grin*, but each one of course wanted their independence and their own adult life & that's a good thing. Having all the kids gone sort of sent me into my second phase of 'Who am I?' , because somehow through being a wife and a mother so many things about me really were just all about other people. It took me a long time to enjoy living alone.
These days I live alone with my little chihuahua who is my best friend. I have come to really enjoy living alone and I'm happy. I've learned to appreciate having few interruptions in my life and enjoy the upside of not having to compromise with other people all the time. I think that can make a person sort of spoiled to not having to compromise ever though . I never would have thought so much of who I am had gotten lost along the way during my busy years, but it did. I'm still rediscovering bits of my younger self. I would say I'm happy now living alone & hope to stay this way as long as I can.


Has anyone else out there had to adjust to living alone?

[orangecrush]

1. Stay involved

Find something you love doing, that puts you around others.

Volunteer work, get involved witth your local democratic party activities.

If you are religious, or even if not, get involved with a church that works to help the poor.

Read some books you never had time to.

Get a pet if you can have one.

Don't fall into isolation, that is a bad thing to do, and is entirely avoidable.

Good luck!

[FSogol]

6. +1, great reply. I was going to suggest finding and volunteering at your local food bank.

You'll make a lot of friends there.

http://www.feedingamerica.org/find-your-local-foodbank/

[american_ideals]

2. Good story, thanks

Being alone can be great. Definitely make sure to find ways to interact with other people. And know the signs of depression - sleeping a lot, staying in bed during the day, etc. and go volunteer MORE if you start feeling that.

[sinkingfeeling]

3. I have been divorced since 1973. Raised my son, who was a baby then,

without any physical or financial support from his father. I also substituted dogs and cats for company. I have enjoyed doing what I want to do, when I want to do it, without having to consult another.
That does become such a habit. It's why I told my sister she could live close to me, but not in my house. She's the one who committed suicide in April. Maybe I was too selfish. She lived literally across the street and we were with each other daily.
I have never envied those who are in marriages, except for all the financial benefits they get. I don't worry about being on my own at the end of my life. I have learned to take complete care of myself and thousands of other things, like home DIY, auto care, finances, buying and selling real estate, etc.
In all, no regrets on staying single.

[Merlot]

4. Enjoyed reading your story, very well done!

It sounds like you have found and continue to find new things about yourself. That's wonderful, you deserve time to your self after years of taking care of others. For some reason, other posters on this thread feel the need to warn you about not getting to lonely and suggesting all kinds of busyness to amuse yourself. I think you're doing fine, and will continue to do so!

The older I get, the more I appreciate living alone.

[left-of-center2012]

5. I've lived alone since my divorce

Ive learned to like it, maybe too much.
I no longer entertain at home, and have come to not like other people coming to my home.
I'm not that comfortable having visitors, and wonder how long they'll visit before they leave.

But now my doctor has diagnosed me with a form of dementia and I wonder how long I can remain alone in my space without help, and if I'll need move into something like a board and care where I can no longer be alone and how that will affect me.

[luvMIdog]

7. I struggled trying to come up with a response to your post. My heart goes out to you. I...

found an online support group for you that I hope will be of some help to you. This is one battle I don't feel you should go into by yourself. I will send you the link to the support group by private message. Hang in there my friend. ((((hugs))))

[Tobin S.]

8. I lived alone for most of my adult life until I was 39.

Then I decided I needed someone to love. I couldn't bear the thought of living my entire life without having loved someone.

We are all different. We all have different needs and desires. And, maybe, we all have different destinies. I'm not sure about that one yet, but I'm open to the possibilities.

[lunatica]

9. I love living alone with my cat

Like you I was a mom and a wife, always taking care of everyone else. I took care of my bedridden mother for 5 years until she died. In that time I only went to work and stayed home. When she died it came as a shock to me that I was liberated from ever having to care of anyone again. I adjusted quickly because it was like a huge weight came off my shoulders.

Today I think sometimes that I would become a hermit and it wouldn't bother me. Yet I work and am quite social, but I love watching exactly the shows I want to watch. Cooking if I feel like it. Not doing the dishes if I don't feel like it and having just the company of my cat. My cat and I understand each other very well because we both do exactly as we please.

[ailsagirl]

10. Sounds good, lunatica!!

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

11. Pretty much my experience.

Last edited Tue May 23, 2017, 07:40 PM - Edit history (1)

Divorced for many years, no kids, parents deceased. I have three cats; otherwise I have the house to myself. Now that I'm retired I can come and go as I please, eat when and what I want, sleep when I want, not clean if I don't feel like it. I have things to do and I'm not a hermit, but I'm not lonely and I'm quite happy living by myself. At my age my Prince Charming isn't ever going to show up, but I'm fine with that. Just an old lady with a bunch of cats.

[Skittles]

12. I have lived alone most of my life

I feel very sorry for people who do not enjoy their own company

[Wawannabe]

13. About to be liberated !!

I am divorcing after 25 yrs. I feel liberated and ready to move on. As of today i feel like going solo for a long while is what I need because of the wife mother role for so very long.
I have known for some time that my "self" needs were being ignored/not met. I am not a selfish person - it is different than that but hard to put into words.
Not too old to go for it again! Not too young to fall for it again. Lol
Take care MIdog

[mopinko]

14. i am lonely when i am alone,

then when i have people around i cant wait for them to leave. or when i am invited somewhere social, i want to go until the day comes and i have a brazillion excuses.

i dunno. i do have very good friends who got me through a big ortho surgery. i have someone i date, but he is def not husb III material.

holding out hope to find someone who i want around. but i dunno. suspect i would sabotage it.

[DFW]

15. Different strokes for different folks

Everyone should find their own space, someplace they can feel content with their situation.

The main thing is, as I see it, that you are in a living situation where you don't need to make excuses for it--not to anyone else, and, above all, not to yourself. I have been with the same partner for 43 years now, 39 of them living together, 35 of them married. But that's just me. If it's not for you, the main thing is not to feel a need to make an excuse for it, but to be able to say you're right where you want to be.