Soliciting Advice re: A Rumor About Me

[Bertha Venation]

On March 1, I returned to work after a 4 1/2 month medical leave of absence. I was on the treatment for Hepatitis C, and it was quite debilitating. However, the treatment worked. I won't know for really sure until August, but there is no virus in me!

This morning on the elevator, someone congratulated me for my successful drug rehab. What she said is, "It's good to see you back! Congratulations! I have a cousin who went through drug rehab twice."

I said, "Drug rehab? That's not why I was out."

She said, "Oh. Well..."

I said, "Where did you hear that I was in drug rehab?"

She said, "I'd rather not say..."

I don't know this woman's name, but her look is distinctive, and I know on which floor she got off the elevator, so it wouldn't be hard to find her. But I'm not sure I'd want to. I'm sure she doesn't need the trouble.

My question to you is: should I report this to HR? (Obviously HR knows why I was out, with all the documentation from my doctor.)

What do you think?

[HappyMe]

1. I wouldn't bother.

Most jobs are chock full of bullshit, rumor and innuendo. You told her you weren't in rehab.

I'm glad you are better now.

[hlthe2b]

3. I think this is a situation best allowed to "die of its own accord"...

I can appreciate your feelings and concern, but I fear anything you actively do or say could only reinforce the gossip. I think this will fade away quickly, if you let it.

Ironically, years after leaving jobs I would sometimes hear the most amazing rumors or assumptions about me. Upon revealing them in casual discussion among folks aware at the time, it became apparent that most had concluded them to be wrong of their own accord--which is probably why I never heard about them. Frankly, I think it best that I did not.

Congrats on your response to HCV treatment. I think I'd focus on that, if it were me and smile and go on...

[Tom Ripley]

4. Bertha, the first time that I went through the treatment, I found it effective to counter

ignorance and misconceptions by the use of the magic word "chemotherapy"
That being said, this woman has no business spreading misinformation about your disease.
Good luck, and I'm hoping you receive good news on your viral load in August. You are in my thoughts.

[LynneSin]

5. Best thing i would do is to discuss this with your boss first

I know where I work if I made those comments I would probably end up with a trip to HR. And I do know that unfortunately Hepatitis does have a connection to drug users but it's not an exclusive condition.

Just tell your boss that it was upsetting that someone would assume you were out for drug treatment when it clearly was not the reason. I'm sure he or she will let you know your options

[elleng]

6. Great to hear you're back at work!

I MIGHT take the time to find her, explain to her, nicely, that your earlier elevator meeting has been on your mind, and that you'd like to clarify for her and her 'source' that you were out for medical reasons, specify however you might in an easily understandable way, and say 'bye,' pleasantly.

I always find that taking SOME action helps the way I feel, and doing this might solve 2 'problems,' get it off your chest and staunch the rumor.

[blueknight]

7. glad your back bertha

hope you are doing good

[Bertha Venation]

12. thank you, blueknight

I feel great.

[femmocrat]

8. I would let it go. People just like to gossip.

It's not worth the aggravation, IMO. The good news is that your health has improved! The hell with the office gossips and rumor-spreaders. They don't matter.

for your good diagnosis!

[madinmaryland]

9. I'm glad to hear the treatment for your disease has worked. Welcome back. You are now healthy

and ready for baseball season!!



Sorry for not actually answering your query.

[hay rick]

10. Let it go. Be grateful you're alive.

My best friend was diagnosed with hepatitis C over 20 years ago. A few years later he was severely debilitated, depressed, unemployed, and waiting for a liver transplant which never came. He died of a stroke.

The drug rehab rumor is an understandable and possibly innocent confusion because of the association of hepatitis C with intravenous drug use.

Good luck to you.

[Bertha Venation]

13. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, hay rick

You point out something that hadn't occurred to me re needles/drug use. Hmm.

[Honeycombe8]

11. I don't think there's anything you can do about it.

But what I would do to try to counter the rumor:

For co-workers I'm close with, I'd make sure they know why I was out, and make sure they believe it. Not by asking them repeatedly, "You believe me, don't you?" But throwing in some details about your illness, to bring home the reality & show you have REAL knowledge of that condition.

That way, you have people out there who will hopefully deny the rumor when it comes up.

Then if it comes up again around you, you could say that not only were you not in drug rehab, but you've never been in drug rehab or had a drug problem of any kind, and you don't believe in taking drugs.

Finally, I wonder why the drug rehab thing is the rumor. Are you known to use drugs or anything like that? The reason I ask is that, if I were out for 4 months, there would be rumors about why, but drugs wouldn't be one of them, I'm pretty sure. I'm not the type...it just wouldn't be what people would think. They'd probably think cancer, or complications from cosmetic surgery, maybe a family emergency. That's because I'm middle aged and a semi-vegetarian who has expressed a dislike of taking even aspirin...so no one would think I'm into drugs.

Here's what I did about maybe the start of a rumor once. When I got back from a long vacation years ago, someone remarked how refreshed I look, and she asked if I'd "had something done." I said no, but she said, "Come on...yeah, you did." I said, "I look that refreshed? I guess being off work really gave me time to de-stress. Thanks! But really...I'm the sort of person who would tell people if I got cosmetic surgery. I'm just that way." I think that was the end of it, as far as I know. And what I said was true.

I mention my breast lift I had occasionally. A couple of times someone has asked me if I had a boob job. That's odd because I'm not busty....well, not since I had my pendulous breasts lifted. I'm a C cup. What I said was, "Me? No way...not only have I not had an enlargement, I wouldn't mind being smaller. They just make me look fatter because of my chubby face and short waist. Not that there's anything wrong with people getting an enlargement." I don't know if they believe me or not. But they seem satisfied w/my answer. But if they don't believe me, there's nothing I can do about it. So I don't worry about it.

But there's no good way to combat the rumor mill. I think your best bet is to have several close co-workers out there who might say "that's not true" when someone repeats that rumor in front of them.

[Bertha Venation]

14. UPDATE

It was bugging me so much that I had to do something about it, so I went to HR. I talked to the woman who had helped me with all my leave-related stuff (FMLA, disability, etc.).

She was shocked. She said there is probably nothing to be done about it, which is actually quite a relief. She said she'd check with her higher-ups but doesn't expect to hear anything different.

I'm glad I talked to her. I got it off my chest, in a confidential setting, and I'm more at ease about it.

And thanks to some of the advice I've received from you, I have a good idea of how to handle future comments. Thanks!

(And, sorry I haven't replied to each of you individually.)

[elleng]

15. Happy that you're more at ease about it, BV.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

[lunatica]

16. Use your sense of humor to dispel rumors

People associate drug use with erratic behavior and with changes in mood (changes which are usually for the worse). Just laugh it off if it comes up and be sure to tell people all about your illness and recovery. Talk about it openly and with good cheer and people will believe you. Refer to it when something comes up that reminds you of it. Put it out there. compare notes with others who have had it or any other debilitating disease. If you talk openly about the past few months' experience people will believe you and they'll know instinctively that if you don't act secretive about it then you aren't hiding anything.