Why I Don't Have a Blog
I have a terrible confession to make: I pee sitting down.
Yeah, okay, guys, stop cackling. You win, I have no desire to get into a pissing contest with you. What Real Man (tm) would pee sitting down (or admit to it, anyway). I get it.
There's a reason for it, and not because I can't aim. Oh, I can get the sight reticle on the target okay, but it's like there's an imperfection in the barrel or something, because I never know what direction the actual stream is going to take. 45 degrees left? 45 degrees right? Both? (Yeah, both. It's like I put my hands over the top of a garden hose or something, and a quick check of my fingers shows, yeah, they're in the right place). Or it could just spray out every which way like somebody's lawn sprinkler on a hot day.
That's an imperfect analogy, though, because if a rifle has a flaw in the barrel, the results are predictable and repeatable. Me peeing? God knows, I may hit the bowl, the floor, the wall, or some innocent bystander. Flip a coin.
Do other guys have this problem? Beats me, I only know I've never discussed it or seen it discussed elsewhere. Do men walk around with a burning, secret shame because they can't aim their pee, or because they secretly sit down on the toilet themselves but won't admit it? Do we need a Pee-ers anonymous, with a 12-step program for Men Who Can't Hit the Toilet Bowl? How can I know, I have no idea what you Real Men (tm) talk about in your smoke-filled (but hopefully not pee-filled) caves.
There is an upside, though. This disability makes me a great housemate for a female. There's never any discussion of whether the seat stays Up or Down, it's always Down.
***
And that, children, is why I don't have a blog. Because I think what you just wasted two minutes of your life on was funny.
-- Mal
= new reply since forum marked as read
Great post. You should post it to your Blog.
You had me a couple times!
First I thought you were a snarky female. Then I thought 45 has dropped twitter and got hisself a DU acct.
Now I think you are a fella with Ninja humor (like mine) so stealthy.
yours is an "original"...I have never read that explanation for ..."Why I don't have a Blog"
congratulations...something totally original at DU....
But on occasion a piece of lint or something will get embedded shallowly in the "eye" of my hose. That will lead to the stream going in multiple directions, me cursing and then cleaning up the subsequent mess.
It pisses me off, so to speak.
