A Psychology Joke

[red dog 1]

ego and superego walk into a bar and the bartender says: "I need to see some id."

[Happyhippychick]

1. How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. But it has to really want to change.

[red dog 1]

5. How many hippies does it take to change a lightbulb?

Three...One to change the bulb and the other two to share the experience.

[Happyhippychick]

7. Good one, and love the avatar.

I'm a golden mom too!

[red dog 1]

20. That avatar is from the DU collection.. it's the closest thing they had to a "red dog"

(I think it's the only dog they have up there)

But I love golden retrievers too!

[jmowreader]

22. How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Republicans won't change a lightbulb. Light bulbs will never become self-sufficient if we keep doing things for them.

An architect, an interior designer, a Realtor and an electrical engineer were given the task of developing an easier way to change light bulbs in a chandelier 30 feet above the floor.

The architect designed a hole in the floor above the chandelier. He gave the new homeowners a shepherd's hook so they could pull the fixture toward themselves.
The interior designer constructed a balcony next to the chandelier, and put the fixture on a track. With the push of a button, the whole chandelier moved itself over so the homeowners could change the bulbs easily.
The Realtor included a scissor lift free with every house, so the homeowner would be able to safely raise herself up to the chandelier.
The electrical engineer bought a box of LED bulbs, installed them in the chandelier, and eliminated the need to have to change light bulbs in the chandelier in the first place.

[Chasstev365]

2. I'm here all week folks; try the veal!

[samnsara]

3. my MS in Psych didnt prepare me for that one :)

[central scrutinizer]

4. If you understand something and can prove it, publish in a mathematics journal.

If you understand something, but can't prove it, publish in a physics journal.
If you don't understand something, but can prove it, publish in an economics journal.
If you don't understand something, nor are you able to prove it, publish in a psychology journal.

[nolabear]

12. Hi. I'm a psychotherapist. I help people. And sometimes not.

It is, by definition, a subjective discipline. Each person is unique. Yes, there are symptoms, yes, there is generally a diagnosis for the sake of communication and insurance companies, and mostly there is a person in pain. The understanding part, if you're very lucky and don't give up though both of you want to a thousand times, comes near the end, right before the self acceptance, self forgiveness and whatever action might come out of it. Publishing is an attempt to help colleagues try new paths along a very difficult road.

[sagesnow]

6. A Zen Joke

A Zen monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."
After he receives his hot dog the Zen monk asks for his change.
The hot dog vendor replies, "All change comes from within."

[True Dough]

14. +1

I've heard that joke many times, but only the first part. The "all change comes from within" was a nice addition!

[red dog 1]

19. A Zen student asked his master: "Is it OK to use email?"

"Yes," replied the master, "but with no attachments."

[hoosierspud]

8. Person looking at Rorschach figures:

Who's this Rorschach guy and why does he keep making pictures of my parents fighting?

[spike jones]

9. A poem

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I’m schizophrenic
And so am I.

[Honeycombe8]

11. LOL! nt

[Honeycombe8]

10. LOL! nt

[edbermac]

13. Secretary goes into psychologist's office...

"Doctor, there's a patient outside who thinks he's invisible."

"Tell him I can't see him right now."

[red dog 1]

17. LOL

Good one!

[True Dough]

15. This one is about Skinner

the behaviorist (E.F. Skinner), not the DU admin!

In Skinner's lab, a mouse says to another mouse, "Can you see that man?" [indicating the researcher], "He was trained by me. Every time I push this button, he gives me something to eat."

[FakeNoose]

16. Know any psychology jokes?

[red dog 1]

18. What was the psychiatrist's favorite TV soap opera?

The Jung and the Restless.

[gratuitous]

21. Two psychiatrists pass each other in the hall

The first psychiatrist says, "Good morning" as they pass. A few steps on, the second psychiatrist thinks, "I wonder what he meant by that?"