The Onion: Quaker Releases New Extra Bland Plain Flavor-Blasted Rice Cakes

[Miles Archer]

Quaker Releases New Plain Flavor-Blasted Rice Cakes



http://www.theonion.com/article/quaker-releases-new-plain-flavor-blasted-rice-cake-56879

CHICAGO—Claiming its new offering “takes blandness to a whole new level,” Quaker on Friday announced the release of new, plain-flavor-blasted rice cakes. “Our Plain-Blasted Rice Cakes have an extra kick of unflavored seasoning for maximum tastelessness in every bite,” said spokesperson Michelle Wade, adding that the product had three times less flavor than regular rice cakes. “If you thought our original variety was completely devoid of any flavor, get ready for your taste buds to be put completely to sleep.” Wade went on to say that Quaker would also be rolling out X-Treme Dry Rice Cakes that will be sold as a plastic bag filled with flour.

[MLAA]

1. I would say something witty, but gotta rush to store before they sell out!

[central scrutinizer]

3. While you're there

Please pick up some extra strength, time release placebos for me. Thanks

[MLAA]

6. They only had those awful full flavor tasty ones, sorry😬

[longship]

2. Being featured by The Onion is a badge of honor.

Quaker must be proud...

Or possibly not.

[rurallib]

4. Next: Cardboard Cakes!

[Liberal Veteran]

5. Thank god they are gluten free.

Because gluten causes cooties or something.