Should I feel guilty?

[smirkymonkey]

I received a wedding invitation from a long lost cousin about a month ago for her wedding that took place last Saturday. I don't pick up my mail very often since our building lobby is being renovated and they moved the mailroom to the basement and one of our elevators is out and it takes forever to go down then up (there aren't available stairs to go to the basement).

Anyway, I received the invite late, then went on a work trip. I haven't seen nor heard from this cousin in over 30 years. The cynic in me kind of felt like it was just a plea for a gift. It was wrong of me not to respond until a few days before the wedding but I said I would not be able to make it, but would send a gift if they would give me an address to send it to.

But here is the thing. I have read all this side of the family's facebook posts and they are all hardcore republicans. I could never have gone. It would have been a nightmare, especially because I barely know them. Was it horrible of me to be so late in saying I couldn't go and should I send a gift? I still don't know if I want to. I don't really know them at all anymore. Yet, I still feel really guilty. What do you think I should do?

[Glorfindel]

1. No. You should not feel guilty. You should think about more pleasant things.

Why should anyone EXPECT to be "gifted" just because he/she is getting married? Not your problem.

[smirkymonkey]

6. Thanks!

I appreciate your feedback!

[MousePlayingDaffodil]

2. Well, since you asked . . .

I, for one, think you should stop feeling guilty.

You receive a wedding invitation from somebody with whom you've had no contact for 30 years? C'mon, now . . . .

Of course, if they do send you the address, I think you now have to send a gift, since you said you would. That, I would submit, was a mistake on your part, but there's nothing for it now.

[smirkymonkey]

7. I don't mind sending a gift, I suppose it would make me feel better about not

going. However I am pretty broke. I am going to have to ask my sister for a loan this weekend and will probably have to take out a 401k loan just to get caught up on bills. I try to keep up with family gifts , but I have a massive student loan that is just killing me. Fucking Betsy DeVos!

[brush]

14. Do not feel guilty. Just send a card, maybe, maybe with a gift card or some cash in it

They're repugs, for God's sale.

[avebury]

19. If you are borrowing money

and thinking of taking out a 401K loan to get caught up on your bills it makes no sense to spend money on a gift. I would recommend just sending a card congratulating the couple.

[catrose]

8. A donation in their name

To hurricane relief or the Clinton Foundation might be appropriate.

[brush]

13. Hahahahahahahaha! Excellent, devilish in a good way.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

3. Gifts are never obligatory, that's why they call them gifts.

Now that you've told them you'll send one, you really should do it, but don't feel guilty about anything.

[smirkymonkey]

9. Yes, I think I can send a little something from Crate and Barrel.

I always liked her when I was younger. I am just shocked to see what they have turned in to. The strange thing is that their brother - my cousin - is a transsexual. You would think that would have tempered their political views a bit.

[NCjack]

4. I think that we share the same cousin. If we had been better friends to our cousin

when we were kids, maybe she would be a liberal DEM today. Send her a check to buy something that she needs.

[smirkymonkey]

10. We were always friendly as kids. I don't know what happened.

Actually, yes I do. We all got an advanced education and they are not very educated at all. It's kind of a stereotype, but it fits in this case.

[lunasun]

5. your gift can be a donation to a charity in their honor . Pick a charity you applaud that will send

a card to them announcing your monetary gift of charity in honor of their wedding . There are plenty that do this online but will send an actual card in the mail to the person
*often tax deductible
Or make a trump move and stiff them. Chances are you wont be seeing them soon....
I would feel guilty about inviting someone to a wedding I had not talked to in 30 years..obvious gift ploy...just sayin
why would you feel guilty ? you didn't start the awkward situation !

[smirkymonkey]

11. You are right - I just don't know if they were committing a breach of etiquette by inviting me

by not having contacted me for so long, or if I was the one by being offended by it. I probably will never see them again. My mother died a long time ago and that was our only connection. They have always been very flaky. I suppose it's no loss. Thanks for your input!

[fierywoman]

12. No guilt. 30 years? Calm down. I like the idea of donating to a worthy cause.

[diva77]

15. Maybe find out if there's a gift registry -now multiple guests can chip in to buy gifts - so that

will allow you to pay what you can afford...

Best wishes!

...oh, and definitely no cause for guilt in this situation!!

[Laffy Kat]

16. If it's been thirty years just send a card.

I don't think anything else should be expected.

[Phentex]

17. No. A card would be okay if you even feel up to that...

I mean, at one point you did have some kind of relationship. But I feel the same when I get a graduation announcement from someone I worked with 20 years ago and have never even met the graduate. I would be embarrassed to send something like that to long lost friends. But my sister explained that maybe they just want to share the news and aren't really expecting anything.

You shouldn't feel guilty because you don't really have a current relationship with them. Life's too short for this BS.

[hamsterjill]

18. Of course it was a plea for a gift!

She's a Republican, right?

The guilt you feel is the goodness within your person.

If it will make you feel better to send something, then send something inconsequential. Don't send anything extravagant because, hey, who are you trying to impress anyway? But if I were you, I'd let myself off the hook. Maybe make a donation to Puerto Rico, and pat yourself on the back.