Officials Investigating Hugh Hefners Death Suspect Foreplay

[geardaddy]

http://www.theonion.com/article/officials-investigating-hugh-hefners-death-suspect-57070

LOS ANGELES—Citing the overwhelming amount of physical evidence present at the scene, Los Angeles Police Department officials announced Thursday that they now suspect foreplay may have been involved in the recent death of Playboy founder Hugh Hefner. “Upon entering Mr. Hefner’s bedroom, there were clear indications that his death was not platonic in nature,” said LAPD detective Marcus Rosetti, adding that the presence of feather ticklers and recently lit scented candles suggested that Hefner was getting worked up at the time of his passing. “However, forensics will still have to test several samples of massage oils found in proximity to Mr. Hefner before we can make any conclusive determination.” Rosetti went on to say that, at present, police believed the perpetrators of Hefner’s death were six or seven individuals working in concert.

[Eliot Rosewater]

1. Oh shit, you GOT ME

If the guy cant laugh at us laughing at him, fuck him.

[Floyd R. Turbo]

2. Assault on a dead weapon! 😏

[Gothmog]

3. I love the Onion

[Throck]

4. Aw Hef

Some hardly knew ya, others knew ya hardly.

[Sedona]

5. He's to be buried under the mattress belonging to an eighth grade boy.

......Stephanie Miller 9/28/2017

[geardaddy]

6. LOL