BOSTON—A groundbreaking study released Monday by the American Medical Association, conducted in conjunction with the National Organization of Craft and Hobby Retailers, finds that repeated exposure to glue fumes and other industrial chemicals "may prove to be our most effective weapon yet in the fight against teen boredom."
Though ABS (Adolescent Boredom Syndrome), a debilitating condition that afflicts an estimated 90 percent of Americans between the ages of 11 and 17, has long been regarded by the medical community as incurable, the study reported that "significant reductions in teen-boredom levels" were observed in youths who regularly self-administered concentrated doses of airplane glue and other solvents.
"It's a tremendous breakthrough," said Dr. Gerald Osgood, the report's co-author. "This could be the most significant development since the 1973 discovery that aerosol whipped-cream canisters can get you really high."
Glue fumes, which can cause light-headedness, dizziness, incoherence and involuntary loss of muscle control, have for years been dismissed by model-airplane hobbyists as an unpleasant side-effect of working in poorly ventilated areas. However, the AMA/NOCHR study found that such fumes, when used as part of a regular fume-inhalation regimen, can have a powerful psychoactive effect, easing the painful boredom of American life for millions of post-pubescents with nothing better to do.
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http://www.theonion.com/article/study-sniffing-glue-proven-effective-in-treatment--666
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