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Tue Aug 1, 2017, 03:35 PM

I need a man to replace the man who lives in my house!

In DETROIT!!

He often threatens to kill me...he has become the most racist black person I have known since he moved from Virginia to Detroit...

And he thinks he is a slave...though all the income mine?

I used to be a regular person when the kitchen was available...then he would microwave a meal or two...then it was all sandwiches...now he thinks if he produces a sandwich he is a slave?

All the income is mine, but I put all into a joint account..he has access to all money

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Reply I need a man to replace the man who lives in my house! (Original post)
angstlessk Aug 2017 OP
SharonAnn Aug 2017 #1
bettyellen Aug 2017 #2
angstlessk Aug 2017 #4
angstlessk Aug 2017 #5
bettyellen Aug 2017 #7
angstlessk Aug 2017 #8
angstlessk Aug 2017 #15
angstlessk Aug 2017 #3
Croney Aug 2017 #29
angstlessk Aug 2017 #32
Croney Aug 2017 #34
angstlessk Aug 2017 #33
Croney Aug 2017 #36
angstlessk Aug 2017 #37
Croney Aug 2017 #38
angstlessk Aug 2017 #39
Croney Aug 2017 #42
zipplewrath Aug 2017 #6
angstlessk Aug 2017 #9
bettyellen Aug 2017 #10
angstlessk Aug 2017 #11
bettyellen Aug 2017 #14
Doreen Aug 2017 #40
zipplewrath Aug 2017 #46
Doodley Aug 2017 #12
angstlessk Aug 2017 #13
Doodley Aug 2017 #16
angstlessk Aug 2017 #17
Doodley Aug 2017 #48
procon Aug 2017 #18
angstlessk Aug 2017 #19
procon Aug 2017 #21
angstlessk Aug 2017 #22
angstlessk Aug 2017 #23
procon Aug 2017 #25
angstlessk Aug 2017 #30
procon Aug 2017 #31
Doreen Aug 2017 #41
AJT Aug 2017 #52
angstlessk Aug 2017 #20
angstlessk Aug 2017 #24
Wednesdays Aug 2017 #26
angstlessk Aug 2017 #28
bettyellen Aug 2017 #27
angstlessk Aug 2017 #35
Sedona Aug 2017 #43
Doreen Aug 2017 #45
Doreen Aug 2017 #44
angstlessk Aug 2017 #50
Doreen Aug 2017 #51
marylandblue Aug 2017 #53
Doreen Aug 2017 #55
angstlessk Aug 2017 #47
Doodley Aug 2017 #49
angstlessk Aug 2017 #54
angstlessk Aug 2017 #56
bettyellen Aug 2017 #57
secondwind Aug 2017 #58
auntAgonist Aug 2017 #59

Response to angstlessk (Original post)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 03:39 PM

1. You don't need a man. You need to get your own life.

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Response to angstlessk (Original post)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 03:42 PM

2. Get help. Seriously. Get off DU and contact the police and shelters.

 

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Response to bettyellen (Reply #2)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 03:47 PM

4. When we moved here everything was wondweful

then things started to fall apart...I tried to continue, but he stopped me...I want to love my house again...I spent many months fixing this house up...now I have to leave?

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Response to bettyellen (Reply #2)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 03:51 PM

5. He brought in two kittens...

I would have to abandon them as well as my kitty I've had for yeaes

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Response to angstlessk (Reply #5)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 03:56 PM

7. You said he's threatening your life, so make a move.

 

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Response to bettyellen (Reply #7)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 03:59 PM

8. He always threatenes my life...thought it was recorded

but had a new earphone with speaker...so my stuff was not recorded

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Response to bettyellen (Reply #7)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 04:23 PM

15. t A TEMP SHELTER...THEN WHERE?

Sorry for the caps...but I don't want temporary

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Response to angstlessk (Original post)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 03:43 PM

3. Here's the deal

I will give you cash money to clean up house...5,000 for a clear house. 6,000 for clear drains trust me it is not a pretty job!

The 6,000 is just an additional 1,000

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Response to angstlessk (Reply #3)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 06:00 PM

29. You have $6,000 cash on hand for clean-up?

Call a contractor, sign a contract, and voila! You are under obligation to allow said contractor to clean your house and to pay them for the job. Make a big partial payment up front. Your "person" can't get the money and you'll have a clean house. (I'm picturing something like on Hoarders?)

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Response to Croney (Reply #29)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 06:04 PM

32. Hoarders, yes...

He had junk mail on either side of the door to the dining room,,,reaching my waist!

I used to flatten boxes as we got stuff...I don't think he has flattened a box EVER!

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Response to angstlessk (Reply #32)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 06:10 PM

34. But $6,000 should buy you a lot of help.

On Hoarders, somebody reports the hoarder to the city authorities and that forces action. If you don't want to lose your home, call those junk remover guys and tell them to bring the big blue trucks. You've got the money.

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Response to Croney (Reply #29)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 06:08 PM

33. Yes...I would give my left nut (oops I ain't a man) left tit!

He thinks 10 cent refund is worth storing thousands of bottles/cans...he has never collapsed a box EVER!

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Response to angstlessk (Reply #33)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 06:12 PM

36. Call 1-800-GOT-JUNK.

Let us know how it goes.

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Response to Croney (Reply #36)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 06:15 PM

37. Funny, funny

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Response to angstlessk (Reply #37)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 06:17 PM

38. Why is that funny?

That is the real name of the company used on Hoarders.

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Response to Croney (Reply #38)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 06:32 PM

39. It's not...and thank you...I just contacted a hoarder removal company

in Detroit...I must thank you instead!

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Response to angstlessk (Reply #39)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 06:39 PM

42. Good.

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Response to zipplewrath (Reply #6)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 04:01 PM

9. I don't want to get out...this is MY home

and now we have 3 kittys to care for

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Response to angstlessk (Reply #9)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 04:09 PM

10. You said it's a rental, and you're paying for it all- there's nothing keeping you.

 

You have to stop this and plan an escape now. Possibly they can help you w bringing kitties to a shelter. But you have to take care of yourself first. No new manis going to do it for you.

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Response to bettyellen (Reply #10)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 04:14 PM

11. It's not a rental...I own the house

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Response to angstlessk (Reply #11)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 04:23 PM

14. Contact a lawyer and then the police and get him out. YOU have to do this. No one else.

 

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Response to angstlessk (Reply #9)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 06:33 PM

40. I hate to say this but if he is the only one to ever leave the house

he is getting those cats to hold you there and discourage you from leaving. Is his name on the ownership of the house? If not you can have him evicted. If you get out one of the things you can also do is call the humane society explain the situation and someone will be likely to help get the cats out until he is gone and you can go back.

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Response to angstlessk (Reply #9)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 06:45 PM

46. Which is why you need to get HIM out

These organizations can help guide you through the process of getting him out of your house, for good.

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Response to angstlessk (Original post)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 04:18 PM

12. Why do you need another man to replace him? You can't live without a man in your house?

You need to get away from him if he is threatening you. You should not live in the circumstances you describe, but there is too much you aren't saying.

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Response to Doodley (Reply #12)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 04:22 PM

13. A woman's shelter is temporary..I could walk to the hospital

and claim somE crazy...ALL is temporary....WHAT NEXT?

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Response to angstlessk (Reply #13)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 04:27 PM

16. Can you give some more details, please. Is he drinking, taking drugs? Do you own the

place or are you paying rent? As well as threatening you, has he hit you? Is he otherwise violent? Do you have children? Do you have family or friends that you can go to?

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Response to Doodley (Reply #16)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 04:44 PM

17. I own my home, he has not hit me for years..he is violent in threats and gestures

We have no children, and I have left all my family behind, and I don't have a friend in this world.

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Response to angstlessk (Reply #17)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 06:49 PM

48. I am sorry you are in such a difficult situation. Do you want a friend or friends? You could put an

ad online for another female to hang out with. I am glad you have shared your experience here, but there is nothing like having somebody who you can confide in and who will have your back.

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Response to angstlessk (Original post)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 04:47 PM

18. Ok, you posted a similar thread just a couple of days ago, with 77 replies

and many DUers gave you lots of good advice and spent their time looking up useful agencies to assist you in getting help.

https://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1151&pid=7311


A few people on that thread suspected you weren't being truthful, that it as all a scam, so what gives with the repeat thread?

Obviously you haven't followed through with any of the helpful things that fellow DUers offered you. What do you want? What else can anyone suggest to you that you'd actually do something besides starting another one of these tragic stories?

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Response to procon (Reply #18)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 05:02 PM

19. I want to stay in my house...why should I leave?

He needs to get out...only he wont,,,how can I arrange for him to leave? AND NEVER come back?

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Response to angstlessk (Reply #19)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 05:21 PM

21. You were provided with many, many options and resources.

This forum can't make a phone call for you, do why didn't you make any attempt to find help? If you're really sincere, why aren't you making any effort to use all the information that folks gave you to find the answers to your questions?

In your other post, you said you were disabled and couldn't get around. You also implied that you were being held prisoner under dire conditions, but in this thread you state that you "could walk to the hospital".

I wasn't before, but am somewhat suspicious now.

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Response to procon (Reply #21)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 05:24 PM

22. I envision me walking to the hospital...if I can? I don't know

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Response to procon (Reply #21)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 05:28 PM

23. You just don't know my life...

I spent a month painting my kitchen...only to be sent out...I used to clean the downstairs religiously...now it is full of trash

When you have lived my life...check back in

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Response to angstlessk (Reply #23)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 05:45 PM

25. I know that you are avoiding answering questions and seem very reluctant

to contact any of the resource agencies that could actually help you. That seems almost as strange as these repetitious cry-for-help threads.

BTW... Many of us who reached out to try and help you the first time mentioned that they were also survivors, so don't think that your experiences are unfamiliar.

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Response to procon (Reply #25)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 06:01 PM

30. Agencies who can help do exactly what?

I was lucky once using a shelter...till he broke into my apartment and threatened my family..

You think this stuff is simple,,,more women are murdered leaving their spouse

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Response to angstlessk (Reply #30)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 06:03 PM

31. You'll never know if you don't contact them. nt

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Response to angstlessk (Reply #19)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 06:39 PM

41. As I said in my post above if you do not have his name on the ownership you can

have him evicted. You might have to leave temporarily but if you have your own home the people you seek help from will make sure the time away from your home is as short as possible. Put it this way they do not want to have to pay the money to house you if you already have your own. Have you emailed your children yet?

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Response to angstlessk (Reply #19)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 07:11 PM

52. It's your home, put it up for sale and find another home.

Get it cleaned up and sell it.

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Response to angstlessk (Original post)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 05:21 PM

20. What if he went to jail for 3 months and I hired folks to clean up this mess?

What would put him there for more than a few days? I tried to hire folks back when he went to jail for a day...but it would have taken more than a day...so I gave a bunch of cans/bottles to charity

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Response to angstlessk (Original post)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 05:34 PM

24. Where do women go AFTER shelter?

I am sure most go back to their abusers...

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Response to angstlessk (Reply #24)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 05:50 PM

26. You have no friends or relatives other than him?


Surely even a local church group can help you relocate, even if you don't consider yourself religious. If one church refuses you, go to the next.

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Response to Wednesdays (Reply #26)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 05:57 PM

28. This is MY house...I have to leave and look for charity?

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Response to angstlessk (Reply #24)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 05:56 PM

27. If you need help and want to keep the house contact a divorce lawyer and

 

And tell him everything. Let him figure out a way to safeguard as much as you can while separating from this man. We can't help you. YOU have to help yourself. You have SS income, you'll be fine.

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Response to bettyellen (Reply #27)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 06:11 PM

35. Divorce would be easy...we are not married!

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Response to angstlessk (Reply #35)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 06:43 PM

43. You're not married ?

His name is not on the deed? Evict him, change the locks. If he comes back you can have him arrested for trespassing. Done.

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Response to Sedona (Reply #43)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 06:45 PM

45. To add to your comment she can get a restraining order.

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Response to angstlessk (Reply #35)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 06:44 PM

44. How many years have you been together?

I would look up your states common law marriage laws. They might not exist where you are and that makes you free to have the police remove him.

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Response to Doreen (Reply #44)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 06:53 PM

50. 20 years?

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Response to angstlessk (Reply #50)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 07:00 PM

51. Wow, that is a long time to put up with that crap.

As I said check out the common marriage laws if there are any in your state.

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Response to Doreen (Reply #51)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 07:19 PM

53. No common law marriage in Michigan

The real problem is that she is unwilling to take the steps necessary to get her life back.

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Response to marylandblue (Reply #53)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 07:25 PM

55. I see that and it is very unfortunate.

There is help out there and she would get her house back. If he tries to keep her from her money he would be going to jail because that is a federal offense saying what she is getting is federal money.

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Response to angstlessk (Original post)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 06:47 PM

47. Here ya go...when we first got here I noticed the toilet was lose

I bought two toilet rings..one if it's regular and one if it's high because of tiles...he never put them on

When he plunged the toilet, because it was not seated...the shit went into the walls!

He thinks every suggestion I make is a slave holder demanding a slave to commit an act?

Once we worked together..but almost never since!

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Response to angstlessk (Original post)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 06:52 PM

49. Do you/did you love him?

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Response to Doodley (Reply #49)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 07:23 PM

54. Once upon a time

He just kicked the other car out...he is using my love of the cats to hurt me

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Response to angstlessk (Original post)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 07:28 PM

56. He just kicked the other kitten out...he wants to hurt me

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Response to angstlessk (Reply #56)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 08:55 PM

57. Time to call the police and a locksmith.

 

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Response to angstlessk (Original post)

Tue Aug 1, 2017, 09:24 PM

58. I am a former domestic violence counselor.

I urge you to gather your important papers, passport, birth certificate, etc and keep them in a place where you can collect them quickly, along with your bank book, cash, any important photos or memorabilia.

Wait until it is safe for you to leave your home, and never look back. If you want to, you can message me thru DU. I wish you well, and good luck.

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Response to angstlessk (Original post)

Thu Aug 10, 2017, 05:45 PM

59. YOU need to listen to the advice you have been given in TWO separate posts you have made .. AND...

please for heaven's sake won't you remove that little bug that you have going around in circles on the lower left side of the communication area. It is most distracting and for those of us with health issues it literally can make us sick. IE: for some, seizures for others dizziness and for yet another group of people physically tossing our cookies.

It's hard to go through the thread and try to work up a helpful answer for you or reiterate what someone else has said when your brain thinks heaving would be better.

I'm sorry for what you're going through. You're not paying attention to the folks who have given you EXCELLENT scenarios and advice. YOU must help yourself. NO one is going to do it for you. It just doesn't work that way.

aA
kesha

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