5 Tips for Rick Perry if He Insists on a 2016 Run

[TexasTowelie]

[font color=green]This is not personal advice from me; however, I thought I would post it to see if Perry makes any of the suggested changes.[/font]


Image by Monica Fuentes
Perry without his hair just feels wrong.

Fish swim and birds fly and politicians run for political office - these truths are pretty self-evident. But it still comes as a faint shock that Gov. Rick Perry popped up in Iowa this week lambasting President Obama. He's been sharing his views on troops in Iraq, he's been spouting off opinions on Israel. He is sending the National Guard to the border to deal with the "terrorists" (aka the kids that have been finding the border patrol and turning themselves in for months.) In short, he has been doing and saying all the things one traditionally does and says when one is planning to make another run for the White House.

We've been pondering all this and we have to say that if it must happen again, we have a few suggestions for the guy with the best hair in politics as he gears up (somehow, despite all good sense and with a very short memory) to most likely throw his hat in the presidential ring once more.

5. Bring back the cowboy boots. As the governor of the great state of Texas, Perry always wore fancy boots, because that's what the governor of the Lone Star State does. But Perry recently ditched the boots, at about the same time he started sporting his heavy black-framed "smart guy" glasses. A change in footwear probably wouldn't be that big a deal in, let's say, California, but this is Texas and we do note these things. Perry's decision to stop wearing cowboy boots made actual news around these parts. His bootmaker even offered to figure out a way to make his boots so that he wouldn't hurt his back (the official reason he has switched to more "metrosexual" footwear according to the Austin American Statesman.) But it's not like the rest of the country is going to forget he's from Texas because he got rid of the boots. We strongly advise bringing them back, because if he must do this again, he ought to be himself and potentially embarrass Texas while wearing proper Texan footwear.

4. Stop flirting with other states. Perry may surprise us all and snap out of that presidential thrall long enough to opt out of running. If he does he might face a certain awkwardness around here. See, Perry, in the middle of all his politicking in California announced that he's such a big fan of the state he's thinking of retiring there. Come on dude. Trying to get states with a ton of electoral votes to consider liking you in an election-esque way is one thing, but doing it by saying you plan on ditching the state you're currently at the helm of just comes off as flaky at best and slutty at worst. Plus, someone might call his bluff and then he'll have to actually move to California.

The countdown continues at http://blogs.houstonpress.com/hairballs/2014/08/5_tips_for_rick_perry_if_he_insists_on_a_2016_run.php .

[flamin lib]

1. This ass still makes my truck look big. nt