Britain to be physically removed from Europe

[dipsydoodle]

BRITAIN is to be detached from the Earth’s crust and moved away from Europe.

Ministers believe changing the country’s geographical location is the only way to wrongfoot UKIP, while also ensuring some decent weather.

Using state-of-the-art fracking techniques, Britain will become the world’s first nation-boat, propelled by a giant outboard motor currently being assembled in Portsmouth.

A government spokesman said: “Britain will be free to position itself wherever it pleases on the globe – in the North Pacific, closer to our future overlords the Chinese, or across the Atlantic closer to the USA if that turns out still to be the country to suck up to.

“I daresay Europe will try to come and find us, jabbering about treaties and obligations, so we’ll probably have to hide out in the Bay of Bengal for a few months.

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/britain-to-be-physically-removed-from-europe-2013052269686

[sibelian]

1. Cripes, readers! That's a bit drastic.

I hope they've packed some vittals.

Wait a sec! I live in the UK! Nobody asked SCOTLAND, did they? Bah. Typical.

[ChazInAz]

9. Easy solution to that.

Just snap Scotland off along Hadrian's Wall and follow your own course.
It's just THAT simple. (God, I've been wanting to use that expression for years. Thanks for the opportunity.)

[non sociopath skin]

10. ... except, of course that Hadrian's Wall isn't the England-Scotland boundary.

That would be the River Tweed (except for Berwick). And snapping off through rivers is messy.

The Skin

[BlueCaliDem]

2. Well, ask any Brit. They don't consider themselves part of Europe and never have. eom

[oldironside]

4. That's rather a sweeping statement.

Do you know enough Brits to form a representative sample?

[BlueCaliDem]

6. Yes. Lived in Holland for over sixteen years and palled around with a LOT of Brits.

Holland, as you know, is right across the channel from England.

My English teacher in a Dutch High School was a Brit, and she corrected me {very passionately} when I said that England is part of Europe and are thus Europeans. She said, "No, England is part of the United Kingdom. We are not Europeans. We are British."

I have many British friends who continue to claim they are not Europeans, and are offended if I tell them that they actually are. They passionately defend that they are British. Period. I can understand this mindset. They were once the superpower of the world and for hundreds of years, so it's kind of hard to accept that a very young nation, barely 250 years old, beat them for that position in the world.

[oldironside]

7. I'll just bow to your superior knowledge of the Brits then. n/t

[BlueCaliDem]

8. I'm not asking you to, but . . . as you wish. eom

[pennylane100]

11. Well I grew up there

and people used to refer to "going to Europe" when travelling there and the English and the French, while only twenty odd miles apart. never did like each other.

[NV Whino]

3. Can we send all of our red states with them?

Note to would be alerters: this is meant as a joke with no intention of state bashing.

[TexasTowelie]

5. Didn't they do a Spaceship UK episode on Dr. Who?

Motorboat UK would be a precursor in that instance.