I am mortified.

[Matilda]

All out for 60.

[mwooldri]

1. This isn't the Australia group...

There's no "England" group, so this'll be close enough tho. From being thrashed around by the Aussies to bowling them out for 60? A totally astonishing turn of events is what I say. Let's hope Stuart Broad has breathed life back into the ashes of England's cricket team.

[rug]

2. I just want to say I came here from the Latest Page and I haven't a clue what you two are saying.

[Matilda]

3. It's painful to talk about.

Let's just say Australian Test Cricket is in the intensive care ward.

Prognosis: Dismal.

[T_i_B]

5. English Guy At Work About To Become Unbearable

And it was Stuart Broad taking 8 for 15, just to make it even worse for the Aussies.

http://www.theshovel.com.au/2015/08/07/english-guy-at-work-about-to-become-unbearable/

The English guy at your work is about to become unbearable, it has been revealed. England is suddenly good at everything and your smug mate can’t wait to tell you all about it.

According to sources, your English colleague will think it’s hilarious when he asks you whether you watched the cricket last night.

“There’s every chance he’ll email around a link that he’ll claim is work-related, but which will actually turn out to be Ashes highlights. Or possibly just the number 60,” said one analyst.

“At some point he’ll break into Jerusalem. It won’t be heart-stirring,” he added.

[Matilda]

6. All Too True

And there's nothing you can say in reply. Not one single, solitary, redeeming feature about the Aussie game.

[LeftishBrit]

7. Let's just say that it's been a rather better day for England than for Australia

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/aug/07/ashes-2015-when-australia-collapses-like-this-the-nation-reaches-for-a-bottle

[truebrit71]

4. Can't. Stop. Smiling.

Couldn't even make it to lunch!!!

Simply amazing!!!

[LeftishBrit]

8. Condolences. Never mind - you can always gloat over our re-electing Cameron!

[T_i_B]

9. Er, Australia has Tony Abbott!