Man caught pleasuring self in meat aisle

[47of74]

A British man was caught pleasuring himself in the meat aisle;

Fortunately, the only meat he touched was his own.

Eugenio Freitas, 49, "fully intended" to go shopping at a local supermarket when he got extremely horny, became overwhelmed by his "excessive sexual drive," and began touching himself through his pants in the meat aisle, according to a UK court hearing. Closed circuit television recorded Freitas with his hands in his pockets for about 10 minutes.

A female employee at the Staffordshire supermarket saw Freitas, but did not realize that he was masturbating. She thought that he was merely "adjusting himself."

Caught red-handed, Freitas pleaded guilty to "outraging public decency." He was given a six month suspended sentence and banned from setting foot inside any UK supermarket without an adult chaperone.

[Warren DeMontague]

1. Redundant

[BlueStreak]

2. Well, which aisle was he supposed to use, then?

[TreasonousBastard]

3. Good thing it wasn't the fish section...

I have it on the good authority of a couple of ex-cons that a flounder fillet left out to warm up makes an excellent "toy."

(Apparently, you have to be on the edge of starvation to eat the fish in prison.)

[BainsBane]

4. probably not a great idea

You'll never get the smell off you.

[TreasonousBastard]

6. I am not going to say anything more...

nope

not a word

[BainsBane]

7. I guess I better edit

Due to my ever present fan club.

[TreasonousBastard]

8. Nah. Just let it ride...

and hope there's a joke in there somewhere. Remember-- it's only electrons. No fists or bullets flying around here.

We can agree or disagree on a lot of things, but if they get to you they won a fight you didn't ask for.

[Warren DeMontague]

9. Alerters almost never come into weird news

it's got magical kryptonite-like powers.

[In_The_Wind]

16. ... oh no ...

I do understand exactly how you feel.
I do tend to bait my fan club occasionally.

[BainsBane]

5. God, he's a Brazilian too

or from some Lusophone country. Brazil is most likely.

[Warren DeMontague]

10. I blame Senhor Testiculo

edited for Spelling!

[font size=1]and this thing[/font]

[BainsBane]

11. I remember him

All trouble that one.

[Warren DeMontague]

12. Of course you do

that thing was a nightmare.

And no, I'm not reposting the picture.

[BainsBane]

13. You still haven't learned the spelling though

Senhor

[Warren DeMontague]

14. Nuts!

[BainsBane]

15. Brazil nuts, of course

[BainsBane]

17. He still needs a Brazilian

[Warren DeMontague]

18. Two is plenty

[BainsBane]

19. No, this kind

Your wife will explain it to you.

[valerief]

20. That's why I hate to shake men's hands. nt