A bit long but please give it a try. I hope it will bring about a few chuckles or grimaces

[Jim Riggins]

Life for the Mega-Wealthy
By Jim Riggins, The Accidental Conservative

Go to Naples, Florida, Monterey, California or Martha’s Vineyard, whoever owns it, and tell me the wealthy are not doing well. They live in castles. Yes, castles. Float around the canals of Naples, Florida and take a look at row upon row of multi-million dollar homes. Then turn around and look at their multi-million dollar yachts. They might also have some of those Skidoo things tied up somewhere around the yacht. They might even have one of those modern-day Miami-Vice looking speed-boats that Crocket and Tubbs used to fight crime. I assume there’s a Porche or Ferrari parked out front.

Amazon’s billionaire CEO, Jeff Bezos, makes around $30,000 every ten seconds. You read that right, my most-perceptive reader. 30K in ten seconds every minute of every day and Trumpsters want to give him and people like him more tax-cuts because they’re having a tough time making the rent. One billion hours ago puts us in the Stone Age, reader, should one be inclined to believe as much. A person with a billion dollars can spend one-thousand dollars every single day for 2,740 years. Generations upon generations can live very well on one billion dollars. And this does not take into account the income this amount of money throws off.

I suggest that you, the reader, check with a certified-financial advisor to confirm as much, but when you retire with one-billion dollars in the bank, you will be able to withdraw about four-million dollars of interest a year without ever touching the principal, or what most of us call the balance.
That is 83K a week, my most-Trumpian brothers and sisters. That amount will buy a fella an awesome bass-boat every week of the year without ever touching what’s in the bank. Imagine if you had twenty or thirty billion dollars. That, my man, will buy a whole lot of fishing poles, monster trucks and fr*gg*n fan-boats with nitrous-injected big-blocks and Teflon bottoms. Those babies will go down the highway, boater. They actually will. They have Teflon on the bottom.

I divided the 2,740 figure from above by 80 or what is about the average lifetime these days in America give or take a couple years. If I divide 2,740 by 80 because I used 80 above, I get 91. That means, dearest reader, that Dracula can spend $1,000 dollars a day for 91 human lifetimes should he find himself with one-billion dollars as vampires often seem to do. He has all the babes, lots of money, nice hair and Trump cult members still want to give Dracula a tax-cut? Nice.

Reader, do you know how you feel when you get your hands on a new, crispy one-hundred dollar bill? A really crispy one from the bank that has no creases or tears. It might have been printed that very morning it’s so perfect. My go-to line when I hand one to a person is: “Careful. I just printed it this morning, so watch the ink.” It’s just what I say. I’m not sure why.

You ever have ten of those beauties at one time in your possession? You splay them out in your hand and shake your butt as you think about all the stuff you can buy the family or just going out and blow it with your pals in one night on liquor and ladies. Of course, you’ll have to break at least one of those beauties for dollar bills, won’t you, bro? Wink. Wink.

One-million worth of $100 dollars bills will fit nicely into a metal briefcase. If you don’t believe me, watch Kill Bill, Volume One. Daryl Hannah, AKA, California Mountain Snake, put one-million dollars worth of $100 bills into a briefcase. I’m not sure about the black mamba, but I did some research on the internet and it turns out one can indeed put one-million of C-Notes into a standard metal briefcase. For my more visually-inclined readers, you will need ten four-by-four foot cubes to haul around one-billion worth of Benjamins.

For my more rural brothers and sisters, that is about five cords of crispy one-hundred dollar bills. As a kid, I got the opportunity to stack a lot of wood. I know a cord of any bill is a s***load of money, but I’m talking about the ones with all those zeros.

There are people in this country who actually have dump-truck loads of crispy one-hundred dollar bills and, yet, scream for fewer environment regulations, lower taxes and a more-servile labor force so they can make even more money drilling, draining and despoiling any land where there is a way to make money despite very explicit commands not to do so.

On a side-note, playah slayah. According to data compiled by Bloomberg, wealth for the top 500 billionaires in the world grew 24% to $5.38 billion in 2017. In other words, the very wealthy did just fine in 2017, despite everything you hear about democrats over-regulating the country. Which of you readers were billionaires in 2017 and increased your wealth 24% simply by having lots of money? Which of you readers increased your wealth 24% in 2017 at all?

If you are still with me, neighbor, I must go off on one more rant about one house in this great nation of ours and water-usage by the very-wealthy in this country. I am, after all, feeling a tad unhinged at the moment. On a tachometer that goes up to 8,000 RPMs, I am at about 3,000 RPMs.

At the time of this screed, the rant kind, not the level-floor kind, a house is on the market somewhere in this great country of ours for $245,000,000, which will buy 980 250k homes. I like the Pelican State because I like good food, alligators and boats with V-8s attached to them, so let’s go with the average household income in Louisiana. It is $46,000 a year, which if I divide into $245,000,000, get 5,326.

That means the average family in Louisiana who earns $46,000 a year and keeps every penny of that 46K, which won’t happen, will have to save every penny it earns for 5,326 years to afford a $245,000,000 house. And I’ll bet you, reader, the chucklehead owner of that estate still wants tax-cuts and fewer regulations. I hope the buyer’s inspection guy finds termites and water damage.
Stay with me, reader. Stay with me. I am now revved up and moving rapidly towards 3,200 RPMs but am well-lubed for the ride if you know what I mean, brah?

Almost five-thousand RPMs from red-lining, I reached into the drawer in front of me at my desk, alakazam alakazoo, dug through what seemed to be a lot of crap and pulled out a typical calculator that I bought at Staples years ago but still works and doesn’t pollute the environment because it runs on solar and not coal. Just flew in from Cleveland, seat-hog guy.

I tried to type $245,000,000 into its display, but the old device could produce only eight digits when I needed nine for the ef**kingnormous figure above. How much could it possibly cost per-unit to add one more digit to a calculator? Seemingly foiled, I dropped my eyes to the Excel icon on the task-bar, considered the little X for .00001 of a second then retrieved my phone from the charger. Though, you have to turn your phone sideways to accommodate such a large number.

Then using highly-complex mathematics and several algorithms that I developed recently, I computed that $1,000,000,000 will buy a family a whole lot of toys. Remember our $245,000,000 estate from above, reader? With one-billion dollars, a family can buy four of those bad boys.
Remember the bass-boat from above, my most-ardent fishing enthusiast? At a cool 83K a piece, one-billion dollars will buy a family over twelve thousand of those babies. As of today, one billion dollars will buy 12,500 top-end, heavy-duty, diesel-powered trucks with every bell and whistle a family could ever want in a truck.

We are talking duel wheels, towing packages, entertainment systems and headlights high enough to blind the f**k out of any driver in front of you at the stoplight, driver. 12,500, baby. And every last one of those m**********rs will take up at least four spots at Home Depot any day of the week and twice on Sunday so kiss my ass, commie b***h. Anyone know who Rick Flair is cause it’d sure help if you did right now?

Remember our one-billion figure from above, reader? One billion is a thousand millions because there are three more zeros attached to a billion than a million. Therefore, one-billion is a thousand billions. Not so difficult is it, my friend? So imagine how many zeros are in a zillion billion
.
Then using more mathematical equations that few readers would understand, I divided the volume of a cube into one-billion dollars then multiplied that number by ten to determine how many cubes we’ll all need for one-billion dollars and got 625 billion, which I assumed was incorrect and gave up.
Finally, a guy with one billion-dollars can buy an Army, Navy, Air Force, Coast Guard and a Corps of Marines just to make sure, like our nation’s Marines who storm beaches, kill everybody and don’t take a single name. Oorah, reader!

Should one person have this much wealth in America? I assume that Mr. Bezos is not going to buy an army and rule the world, but he will be able to buy aircraft-carriers, nuclear-powered submarines and F-35 jets with that mountain of money. This realization, of course, led me to wonder at the time of writing how much for a self-propelled howitzer with 600-volts of on-board power generation, high-voltage electric gun drives and a fr*ck*n projectile ramming system. I have no idea what projectile ramming systems are but I like’em already.

And if any of any readers have a problem with America fielding the most powerful military the world has ever seen, that is just too bad. Powerful countries like China and Russia threaten our families and nation’s interests around the world every day. I support a stronger social-safety net that billionaires can fund without even feeling it, but we need a powerful military to protect us from danger. Is that a big 10-4, good buddy?

Many Americans will not vote for a party that doesn’t protect our families, liberals. And, please stop talking about getting rid of our nukes. Russia, China and North Korea have thousands that they will never dismantle regardless of what the idiot in the White House said. I promise. You are hurting the party and, therefore, the country. Ergo, get on board or get out the f**k out of the way, my most-liberal neighbor. You are scaring people away from the Democratic Party and, if you noticed, we’re the only party in town defending the nation’s ramparts at the moment.

[dweller]

1. that's it

i really need to go back to bed


✌🏼

[CurtEastPoint]

2. TLDR WTF