Are there any jokes you find amusing, even though they're gay related?

[WillParkinson]

Here's mine. I don't know why, but it has always amused me.

"Did You Jump?"

A young man joined the army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went though the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an airplane.

The next day, he phoned his father to tell him the news. "So, did you jump?" the father asked.

"Well, let me tell you what happened. We got up in the 'plane, and the Sergeant opened up the door and asked for volunteers. About a dozen men got up and just walked out of the 'plane!"

"Is that when you jumped?" asked the father.

"Um, not yet. Then the Sergeant started to grab the other men one at a time and throw them out the door."

"Did you jump then?" asked the father.

"I'm getting to that. Everyone else had jumped, and I was the last man left on the 'plane. I told the Sergeant that I was too scared to jump. He told me to get off the plane or he'd kick my arse."

"So, did you jump?"

"Not then. He tried to push me out of the 'plane, but I grabbed onto the door and refused to go. Finally he called over the Jump Master. The Jump Master is this great big guy, about six-foot five, and 17 stone. He said to me, 'Boy, are you going to jump or not?' I said, 'No, Sir. I'm too scared.' So the Jump Master pulled down his zip and took his penis out. I swear, it was about ten inches long! He said, 'Boy, either you jump out of that door, or I'm sticking this up your arse.' "

"So, did you jump?" asked the father.

"Well, a little, at first."

[CurtEastPoint]

1. I LOVE that joke and everyone I've told it to, straight or gay... loves it, too!

[WillParkinson]

2. It's one of my favorite jokes...

A friend told me that he thought it was anti-gay, but I disagreed. I won't deny it might be considered gay related (hence the thread title), but I do not see it as anti-gay personally.

Others, though, might and I always enjoy being educated.

[Ms. Toad]

17. I have more trouble with it from an anti-rape perspective.

It sort of turns homophobia on its head, with the that wasn't a threat at all ending.

But if you look at it from the perspective that the sergeant was threatening violence, and carried it out, and that in the end the victim enjoyed it - that plays into the myth that rape victims really want to be raped.

[Scuba]

3. LOL I like the one about the two gay Irishmen...

Patrick Fitzmichael and Michael Fitzpatrick.


To my gay friends? Is that offensive? I'll delete if so.

[WillParkinson]

4. Doesn't offend me...

But I rarely find jokes offensive unless they're out to blatantly disrespect or hurt someone.

[TrogL]

6. IDGI

[Scuba]

7. Say it out loud.

[MNBrewer]

8. Like

[TrogL]

5. Homophobic but I still get a giggle out of it

Silly faggot - dicks are for chicks

[HillWilliam]

9. I posted this a couple of times on DU2

It has to be told with a heavy eastern European accent. Read it slowly out loud for full effect.

Zo, Mary, za mother of Jesus vas in da marketplace. She happens to run into Mary Magdalene. After egschangink greetingks, Mary Magdalene takes Mary za mother of Jesus aside, avay from za crowd. Vonderink vat vas za matter, Mary za mother of Jesus asks Mary Magdalene vat vas all zis hush-hush.

Mary Magdalene vhispers to Mary za mother of Jesus, "It's about your son. Zere are zese rumors goink around. Zey say he's flitting around in za voods vearink an almond seqvined caftan. Zey are sayink he hangs on za out veekends mit zose tvelf beach-boy friends of his. Zey say..." (Mary Magadele leans close to Mary za mother of Jesus's ear and barely breaths) "... he iss... he iss a feygeleh!"

(Mary za mother of Jesus damnear faints. She bids a hasty farewell to Mary Magdalene, staggers home, and finds her son in his room.)

Mary za mother of Jesus exclaims "My son! Sit!! My son, you must listen to me! People are talkink about you. Zere are rumors zat you are flittink around in za voods vearink an almond seqvined caftan. Zey hef noticed you only hang out on za veekends mit zose tvelf beach-boy friends of yours. Zey say..." (Mary begins to cry) "...zey say..." (she begins sobbing) "... you are a feygeleh!"

She sobs for another minute or so then catches her breath. She says, "A mother alvays knows best. I'll tell you vat to do and zese rumors will stop. Nu, you must settle down. Get a chob. Marry a nice Jewish girl. Hef children, make me a grandmother. Zese rumors vill stop."

The Good Lord considers all this for about five seconds. He leaps to his feet, backs up three paces, throws his hands on his hips and exclaims (à la Jacquée), "MaaaAAAAAaaary! I'd rather be ca-RUth-ified!!!!"

I'll slink away now.

[WillParkinson]

10. Another favorite of mine...

Gay facts

A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his homosexuality from his parents, goes over to their house and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner. Sitting down at the kitchen table, he lets out a big sigh and says, "Mom, I have something to tell you: I'm gay."

His mother made no reply, and the guy was about to repeat it, when she turned to him and said calmly, "You're gay? Doesn't that mean you put other men's penises in your mouth?" Nervously, the guy said, "Uh, yeah, Mom, well I guess so." His mother went back to stirring the pot.

Suddenly, she whirled around and whacked him over the head with her spoon, saying, "Don't you EVER complain about my cooking again!!!!!

[Behind the Aegis]

11. What do you call a gay Jewish man?

Last edited Fri Apr 27, 2012, 05:21 AM - Edit history (1)

A He-blew!

He may have a Chinese friend named , Sum Yung Gai, and a Scottish friend, Phil McCraken.

[Rowdyboy]

12. So a guy walks into a bar and says "Bartender, give me ten shots of Wild Turkey"

The barkeep sets them up and the guy knocks them back, one after another. So he asks the guy "What's the celebration?" The guy responds "My first blowjob!" Bartender is very impressed so he pours the guy another shot on the house. The guy justs waves it away, stands uo to go, and says "Nah, if ten shots won't get the taste out out of my mouth, what goods eleven."

I apologise in advance but you asked for it!

[xchrom]

13. i love this thread

[joeybee12]

14. I think it's a cute joke...don't see it as gay-related...

Simply a sort of pun at the end.

[laconicsax]

15. I laughed at this one recently.

The Bible says that a man who lays with another man should be stoned...all I'm saying is that it helps.

[closeupready]

16. Made ME laugh, lol.

I don't quite get what about the joke would be necessarily offensive.

Everyone will be the target of humor, at some point or other.

I think many people find it difficult to either laugh at themselves or those with whom they identify. It's understandable, but being on auto-offense isn't good for anyone, least of all yourself.

That said, I think Margaret Cho's gay jokes are funny.

[Fearless]

18. I always liked this one... maybe a bit heavy on the stereotyping but meh... read to the end.

The Gay Flight Attendant

The plane's cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight
attendant who was just as obviously enjoying himself. He came swishing
down the aisle and announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey has
asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane
shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that
would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a woman hadn't moved a
muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I
asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on
the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a
Princess. I take orders from no one."

To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well,
sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Put
the tray up, Bitch."

[closeupready]

19. There is a short skit on a version of B Crew's "Partay Feeling"

that is hilarious, but in the same style of humor as In Living Color's "Men On Film" - some here would undoubtedly object, but I have always found it absolutely hilarious, and I have it on my mp3 player, and listen to it every other day, and yes, I laugh every single time I play it. I looked for it online, but I don't see it, but it goes like this - you drop in to a group of black women shooting the crap, hanging out and gossiping:

"Men are from Mars, but of COURSE you wouldn't understand what we're talking about."

"Hey what happened with you and that guy...?"

"That guy, what guy.... Oh YEAH honey, did you all hear about this guy I met? He is so fine, I would drink his bathwater!"

Giggles, laughter

"Oh, no, honey. I seen him last night, and he was with a MAN."

"A MAN?! HER man was with a man!"

silence

"Oh, no honey! don't drink his bathwater! no way! We don't do like that in Baltimore ..."

etc.






"... okay, whatever, but I need to find me a man."






"Looks like MY man found hisSELF a man."

Silence

Everyone starts guffawing. The humor is in the timing, the soulfulness of the banter going on, etc.