My cousin sent me a Youtube link.

[MADem]

I think it's worth watching--if anyone questions why the whole "Marriage Equality" business matters, this might be a way to respond to them, with a link to this well-done video:

&feature=share

[William769]

1. Thanks MADem.

[MADem]

2. My cousin--who is no spring chicken, a bit older than me--said he realized he was "lucky"

that he didn't have a family like Tom's in the video, and that his partner didn't have a family like that either.

I'd like to see the day arrive, as would he, when no one has to rely on "luck" to live their life to the fullest.

[David__77]

3. My boyfriend and I had mixed feeling about this.

We watched it this morning, and, also living in California, wondered why they were no domestic partners. Had they been domestic partners, none of this would have been a legal problem. The problem here is mainly the terrible parents of the deceased partner, rather than the unavailability of legal rights. If, for instance, they were opposite sex interracial unmarried couple, the same sort of scenario could have unfolded, except with the bigotry being racism rather than heterosexism.

It's absolutely true that this story demonstrates real challenged faced by gay people. But we also need to be smart about using the rights that we already have. Even before California had a meaningful domestic partnership that was equivalent to marriage under state law, I completed legal documents assigning to my boyfriend control of things in the event anything should happen.

I hope that gay people become less apathetic in the coming period. In the aftermath of proposition 8 passing, I saw a friend at an anti-prop 8 rally who confessed to me that he hadn't even voted! That, to me, was a perfect example of the problem with many gay people politically... Anyway...

[MADem]

4. I understand what you're saying.

I look at it from the perspective of my cousin. He said he was "lucky" to not have family like Tom's, and that his partner didn't have family like Tom's. They did the legal documents thing, too--three decades ago.

These kids were young, they probably didn't have much in the way of money to afford a lawyer. And perhaps Tom's parents had a hold on him financially as well. Who knows? It's just unfortunate, to my mind, that they couldn't just go down to the city hall, slap down the cost of a marriage license, and get married by a JP on the cheap if they wanted to do that.

I always say, if you don't like gay marriage, don't marry someone who's gay. That solves the "problem!"

[David__77]

5. But they could have gone down to city hall and gotten "domestic partnered."

In California, it's the exact same process as marriage, and has identical legal rights and responsibilities. Now, if they didn't know that this exists, that would be unfortunate. We need to make sure that people are educated about these things. My partner and I were quite young when we completed and notarized our original legal documents a decade ago, and we didn't utilize an attorney - but I acknowledge that when people are young they often aren't going to do the research.

If this story played out in Alabama or Ohio, it would have left a different impression on me.

[MADem]

6. Well, yeah. But they couldn't have gotten new parents for Tom at City Hall.

Ones who didn't hate the kid for what he was (made by them, too).

Which is probably what helped to send him off that damn roof in the first place.

I think that's a piece of why Shane made this video--as much as the whole issue of rights and equality.

I'm guessing Shane figured, after his partner was dead, "What's the point? Why fight over who gets to plan the funeral? That's not going to bring Tom back."

Youngsters in their twenties think they are going to live forever. They don't see a point in planning for the future or guarding their rights. They think they will always be strong, always be healthy, always be able to run up those stairs two at a time, never feel an ache or a pain...and let me tell you, when that shit creeps up on you, it's like your body has BETRAYED you--you're INSULTED! When the death of a loved one comes along at a too-young age, it's just a shock. He didn't know how to deal with it, and I think this film served as a coping mechanism to no small extent.

I think it is a wonderful teaching tool. I hope Tom's parents see it and maybe come to some sort of understanding. It's got to be hell to go through life that ignorant, and blaming the one person their son loved for "making him gay."

[Smarmie Doofus]

7. Kick. Strong stuff.

How to get more people to see it is the dilemma.

[MADem]

8. I agree. My cousin sent me the link via email (the "old school" way!).

I think it's on Facebook as well.

This board moves so fast stuff sinks quickly.

I was moved by it--I thought it was very personal, and very well done.