1) You never really know someone else.
2) People, and things, change.
I no longer have any illusions of permanence, or any concrete expectations, so nothing shocks me anymore. And I'm only rarely even mildly surprised by anything.
A person has the right to feel hurt by anything s/he wants to feel hurt by.
Of course. Everyone has the right to feel hurt, for whatever reason they desire to feel hurt about; if a woman has a problem with a cross dressing husband, it's her right to feel hurt by it, or go with the flow and embrace it as well. (Could be fun). But of course, I'm LGBT, so I'm about as blase as a person can get with regard to individual uniqueness, and diverse gender expression.
I realize that a man expressing femininity is, historically and presently, one of the greatest horrors of western civilization for many straight folks, because women are generally considered to be sooooo completely inferior to men. But I personally don't understand why it's such a big deal. I guess it has something to do with the god-like status that some women continue to ascribe to men, and to masculinity.
I've never had any problem with my partners wearing stereotypical "mens" clothing whatsoever. But then, I'm not at all hung up with culturally stereotyping people into rigid gender roles or forms of expression. And piling more shame and guilt on some poor guy because he has a feminine streak, but has felt compelled to hide it because, again, for a man to express femininity is, next to engaging in sex with another male, the greatest offense against the mythical fundy gawwd that exists in the universe.
Taking the bronze, in third place on the eternal fundy list of offenses against gawwwd, is simply, just being a woman.
Sure, honesty and integrity are critical to certain types of personal relationships.
But honesty is always relative, of course.
The woman horrified by her husband not telling her that he had an inclination to cross dress may have slept with his best friend a week after they got married, but files it in the "that's my secret, and he doesn't need to know" drawer, and remains self-righteously indignant over her husbands failure to divulge his (realistically) harmless feminine interests, without mentioning that old scarlet letter long hidden under the pancake Clinique. Or maybe she was raped as a child, and doesn't want her husband to know. Had an abortion as a teenager, and never brings it up. Fakes orgasms. Has been sleeping with her brother. Is taking a nip of gin when she's promised hubby that she's stopped. Doesn't really love her hubby, but is hanging in because he supports her. Whatever color you prefer.
Naturally, the same goes for the men also, within their sphere of common secrets; secrets and hypocrisy are equal opportunity employers.
Wish you would have told me before we were married...
Or not.
I've just seen so much hypocrisy. I'm really not cynical.
Just "realistically jaded".
One other thing I believe I've learned is not to deliberately keep secrets from potential committed partners. (This candidness usually scares potential partners away, in my case. I've made it a point to never let fear or social convention spoil my pursuit of happiness). If that doesn't scare someone away, then a relationship may be worth pursuing. It's actually a great tool to use for separating the wheat from the chaff.
It's really all about who you are, where you come from, where you've been, what you can deal with, what your priorities are, how judgmental you are, and how true to yourself you are in the way you deal with your own hypocrisy, relative to how you judge others.
Like the man said, "This above all, to thine own self be true".
But what do I know? I only know what is true for me. I have no right to tell anyone what they should or shouldn't get all freaked out about.
[link:
http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Thumbsucker|"That's 'cause we all wanna be problemless. To fix ourselves. We look for some magic solution to make us all better, but none of us really know what we're doing. And why is that so bad? That's all we humans can do. Guess. Try. Hope. But, Justin, just pray you don't fool yourself into thinking you've got the answer. Because that's bullshit. The trick is living without an answer.
I think.]
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