HomeLatest ThreadsGreatest ThreadsForums & GroupsMy SubscriptionsMy Posts
DU Home » Latest Threads » Forums & Groups » Topics » Gender & Orientation » LGBT (Group) » I had forgotten what it w...

Sat Mar 9, 2013, 05:04 AM

I had forgotten what it was like.

First off does anyone know of a person that is like me, who grew up straight but then turned gay and then turned straight again.....all without her permission? That is truly what happened to me. I supposed if I had been in a repressive society I would have kept my gay feelings to myself and lived a straight lifestyle all the way through but the fact that I actually thought I was gay at around age 27 - 36 and then started being attracted to the opposite sex again was not only disconcerting at the time but still confuses me. And I have never met anyone else who has had the same experience. And it is not like I am completely straight right now because there are some women who can still, "do it" for me, if you know what I mean.

Anyway that is only part of what I wanted to write. I made the mistake of befriending a girl who is a born again X-ian. She never really talked about it much and didn't push it on me so I thought it was OK. We had a lot of fun together. But one day she invited me to meet her other friend, also a born again X-ian, and there was a "discussion" between that friend and me. It was a little heated. At some point my friend said, "Well I don't believe gay people should be able to get married." So I said, "Why shouldn't they have the same rights as you have?" And she said nothing.

Anyway about a week went by and then all of a sudden my "friend" stopped returning my phone calls, and actually did not show up when we were supposed to get together for lunch. I was upset and confused but I had no idea what her real problem was.

So I ended up calling her on my old cell phone, the number of which I think she did not know, so she picked up the phone. And when I asked her why she was ignoring me she said it was because of my past relationships with women, (I had emailed her after the "discussion" with her friend and told her about me).

I cannot begin to tell you how hurt I feel. It sent me right back to a place when I was in this treatment center and none of the girls wanted to share a room with me, (at that time I was calling myself gay). The pain is so deep. I must not have enough acceptance for myself or something. And I only have gay friends now that I can talk to on the phone because I have moved and don't have a support system.

And I work with this narrow minded hypocrite and now I want to punch her in the head. It is so uncomfortable having to see her. I've said some nasty things to her which I know only makes me look bad and doesn't help the situation.

Oh, she did call me once and apologized for saying what she said, (the phone call was in regards to something else) but when I took someone else's advise and asked her if we could get together and talk she just made excuses. So she can take that apology and shove it up her ass as far as I am concerned because it means nothing.

How do you deal with it? I don't think I ever did deal with the initial rejections or even childhood rejections. I spoke to a social worker and he said that I must still have unresolved issues from the past to have such a strong reaction to her rejecting me now. And trust me, I had no sexual or romantic feelings for her at all. I was just happy to have a friend and we had a lot of fun times and now I lost that and all because of the essence of who I am.

6 replies, 1228 views

Reply to this thread

Back to top Alert abuse

Always highlight: 10 newest replies | Replies posted after I mark a forum
Replies to this discussion thread
Arrow 6 replies Author Time Post
Reply I had forgotten what it was like. (Original post)
Maraya1969 Mar 2013 OP
Neoma Mar 2013 #1
Maraya1969 Mar 2013 #2
Neoma Mar 2013 #4
Maraya1969 Mar 2013 #5
Vanje Mar 2013 #3
Maraya1969 Mar 2013 #6

Response to Maraya1969 (Original post)

Sat Mar 9, 2013, 04:28 PM

1. Could be the B in LGBT.

Attraction tends to depend on the persons intelligence and personality for me.

Good true friends are hard to come by. I'm sorry.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Neoma (Reply #1)

Sat Mar 9, 2013, 09:33 PM

2. I guess it all makes for a merry boat ride.

Thanks for caring.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Maraya1969 (Reply #2)

Sat Mar 9, 2013, 10:15 PM

4. I've had the same problem in a way.

Except instead of homophobia, I learned she was racist. Not any better.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Neoma (Reply #4)

Sun Mar 10, 2013, 12:03 AM

5. No. Not any better at all.

Shocking what people hide from you at first isn't it?

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Maraya1969 (Original post)

Sat Mar 9, 2013, 09:43 PM

3. I don't think you're hanging with the right people.

Best of luck to you.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Vanje (Reply #3)

Sun Mar 10, 2013, 12:04 AM

6. Thanks Vanje.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink

Reply to this thread