'Every Single Family in the World Is a Nontraditional Family'

[xchrom]

http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/05/every-single-family-in-the-world-is-a-nontraditional-family/275505/



At 42, James Boylan was married to a woman he loved. They lived in Waterville, Maine with their two sons. Boylan taught English at Colby College.

Then he became Jenny. Never at home in a male body, Boylan underwent gender reassignment surgery and wrote about it in her 2003 memoir She's Not There: A Life in Two Genders. Her new book, Stuck in the Middle with You: A Memoir of Parenting in Three Genders, reflects on what her transition to a woman means as both a parent and a partner in her family, which has remained united. We spoke about what she's learned about women, how she and her wife Deedie navigate intimacy, and what her experience tells us about the ever-changing concept of the American family.

Can you talk about the transgender spectrum?

Transgender is a way of talking about all sorts of gender-variants as if we had something in common with each other. Gender-queer people, cross-dressers, transsexuals, and drag queens don't really have all that much in common. Ru Paul who, when the wig is off, is a gay man, doesn't have anything in common with Amanda Simpson, who was appointed in the U.S. Commerce Department by Obama as the first transgender presidential appointee. They might not have anything in common with someone like, say, Leslie Feinberg or Kate Bornstein, who are more interested in the political aspect. They are very different.

Is being transsexual genetic? Is there a biological component?

The science is getting better, but it's not especially conclusive. Trans-sexuality seems to have its genesis in the sixth week of pregnancy when fetuses form brain structures usually associated with that of the opposite sex. It might have to do with the hormone bath that the fetus is in or it might be something else entirely. I don't know if it's genetic, but it does seem to be neurological. It's not related to anything you grow up with. It doesn't have to do with how your parents treated you. And it doesn't have anything to do with whom you're attracted to. Although sexuality and gender overlap in such interesting ways that it's easy to get confused.

[Pab Sungenis]

1. Gender is hardwired. Gender identity is not.

To be honest, sometimes I think the whole concept of gender identity isn't to some degree rooted in the artificial gender roles our society imposes upon people. There are men who feel more suited to the stereotypes we have assigned to "women" and women who feel more suited to the "male" stereotypes. The discomfort comes when how we see ourselves, how we would best fit in, doesn't match our hardwired gender.

The Native Americans had it right. The masculine and the feminine are two spirits. Some people have one, some have two. Which you have makes no difference to what genitalia you have.