(NOT SATIRE) Christian mum writes ‘family friendly’ Harry Potter, where Dumbledore is straight

[Fearless]

The story ‘Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles’ is currently 8000 words long, and was written by evangelical mother Grace Ann, who took it upon herself to remove all references to witchcraft, homosexuality and liberal values.

In the new version of the story, Lord Voldemort is known for persecuting Christians, while Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon ‘mistreat’ Harry by forcing him to listen to Richard Dawkins...

http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2014/09/26/christian-mum-writes-family-friendly-harry-potter-fanfiction-where-dumbledore-is-straight/?utm_content=buffer4e0b1&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

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There's an excerpt at the link... I don't even have words for how stupidly hilarious it is.

UPDATE: Here's the link to the actual story... https://m.fanfiction.net/s/10644439/1/

Just to prove it's not satire. I wouldn't suggest reading it or anything. It's absurdly poor.

[Kelvin Mace]

1. I strongly suspect this is satire

Though that is getting harder to determine these days.

[shenmue]

2. It's not.

Here's a cute parakeet video, to help get it off your mind. Whew.

[Fearless]

3. I'm not so sure. Several news services have picked up the story.

[Scootaloo]

4. I'm seconding the notion that this is satire

That excerpt is just too goofy to be "real." A distinct southern twang? Oh please.

[dipsydoodle]

7. Third here.

I cannot recall the last time I read something so totally daft and unfunny.

[ck4829]

5. She makes sure this Dumbledore goes out of the way to convince people he is straight

I don't need to go around telling everyone that I'm straight. Seems a little odd to me.

[closeupready]

10. She's probably bi - typically with self-hating bisexuals,

going out of their way to convince bystanders that they are 'straight' is what they do, almost 24/7/365. For those who are comfortable with their bisexuality, they aren't obsessive/compulsive about the opposite gender couple public displays of affection/catcalling/skirt chasing.

Dead giveaway, this story, in my opinion.

[FiveGoodMen]

6. Isn't she going to have some major legal problems trying to publish that?

[CherokeeDem]

8. It's on Fanfiction.net

A site for fanfiction only, not published for monetary gain...


Adding on edit...

That's why she can get by using the characters from Harry Potter without permission.

[Scootaloo]

9. She'd have to change the names to publish

Just like E. L. James did with her Twilight fanfic that became Fifty Shades.

I would make a comment on the quality of such fanfic hash... but then you realize that the world's largest religion is basically fanfiction... and most of the works we consider "classic mythology" (seriously, Jason and the Argonauts? It's like ancient greek arguments over whether superman could kick Batman's butt)

[hunter]

11. Superman can kick Batman's butt... and Batman likes it.

You can find ANYTHING in fan fiction. Superman vs. Batman is like a human having sex with a Klingon. Even when the human ends up with a few broken bones and bruises it might still be a consensual relationship. Starship medical officer says no more. Some humans just roll that way. Batman seems the sort.

I think the funniest thing is when people steal fan fiction and claim it as their own.

I was with someone, pre-internet age, when she was writing Star Trek slash and later typing it up to make copies at Kinkos. Later, with usenet and the world wide web, it's always been easy to find half a dozen people claiming these stories as their own. (The original author soon established an overly respectable career and has never claimed it.)

On the topic of a Christian Harry Potter, I just thought of an amusing premise for a story:

In some post-apocalyptic future the Bible has been commingled with the Harry Potter novels and the entire Hogwarts gang are Saints and devils. It would be rather like A Canticle for Leibowitz, but not so grim. I don't like grim, disturbing stories.

That blending and adaptation of traditional stories and themes is very common in human history. The Bible itself incorporates stories and themes predating those who wrote the words down.

Having crossed paths with a variety of Creationists and other lunatic Christians, I'm not so certain this Christian Harry Potter fan fiction is a hoax. There are plenty of people who really do think like that, the same sorts who celebrate Halloween as a "Harvest Festival" without recognizing the irony in that.



The Grim Reaper