Heartbreakingly sad end to a young life , Leelah Alcorn. **Suicide trigger warning**

[bench scientist]

A 17-year-old transgender teen was struck and killed by a passing semi trailer on an Ohio interstate on Sunday, and a previously written suicide note later appeared on the teen’s Tumblr blog through scheduled publishing.....In the note, Leelah said she identified as a transgender female from age 14, when she first became aware of the term, having felt “like a girl trapped in a boy’s body” since she was four.

Leelah said she subsequently came out online, and turned primarily towards the internet for friendship. She said she attempted to convince her parents that she had to medically transition, but claims she instead received therapy and “biased” counseling from Christian therapists:

SUICIDE NOTE

If you are reading this, it means that I have committed suicide and obviously failed to delete this post from my queue.

Please don’t be sad, it’s for the better. The life I would’ve lived isn’t worth living in… because I’m transgender. I could go into detail explaining why I feel that way, but this note is probably going to be lengthy enough as it is. To put it simply, I feel like a girl trapped in a boy’s body, and I’ve felt that way ever since I was 4. I never knew there was a word for that feeling, nor was it possible for a boy to become a girl, so I never told anyone and I just continued to do traditionally “boyish” things to try to fit in.

When I was 14, I learned what transgender meant and cried of happiness. After 10 years of confusion I finally understood who I was. I immediately told my mom, and she reacted extremely negatively, telling me that it was a phase, that I would never truly be a girl, that God doesn’t make mistakes, that I am wrong. If you are reading this, parents, please don’t tell this to your kids. Even if you are Christian or are against transgender people don’t ever say that to someone, especially your kid. That won’t do anything but make them hate them self. That’s exactly what it did to me.

My mom started taking me to a therapist, but would only take me to christian therapists, (who were all very biased) so I never actually got the therapy I needed to cure me of my depression. I only got more christians telling me that I was selfish and wrong and that I should look to God for help.

When I was 16 I realized that my parents would never come around, and that I would have to wait until I was 18 to start any sort of transitioning treatment, which absolutely broke my heart. The longer you wait, the harder it is to transition. I felt hopeless, that I was just going to look like a man in drag for the rest of my life. On my 16th birthday, when I didn’t receive consent from my parents to start transitioning, I cried myself to sleep.

I formed a sort of a “fuck you” attitude towards my parents and came out as gay at school, thinking that maybe if I eased into coming out as trans it would be less of a shock. Although the reaction from my friends was positive, my parents were pissed. They felt like I was attacking their image, and that I was an embarrassment to them. They wanted me to be their perfect little straight christian boy, and that’s obviously not what I wanted.

So they took me out of public school, took away my laptop and phone, and forbid me of getting on any sort of social media, completely isolating me from my friends. This was probably the part of my life when I was the most depressed, and I’m surprised I didn’t kill myself. I was completely alone for 5 months. No friends, no support, no love. Just my parent’s disappointment and the cruelty of loneliness.

At the end of the school year, my parents finally came around and gave me my phone and let me back on social media. I was excited, I finally had my friends back. They were extremely excited to see me and talk to me, but only at first. Eventually they realized they didn’t actually give a shit about me, and I felt even lonelier than I did before. The only friends I thought I had only liked me because they saw me five times a week.

After a summer of having almost no friends plus the weight of having to think about college, save money for moving out, keep my grades up, go to church each week and feel like shit because everyone there is against everything I live for, I have decided I’ve had enough. I’m never going to transition successfully, even when I move out. I’m never going to be happy with the way I look or sound. I’m never going to have enough friends to satisfy me. I’m never going to have enough love to satisfy me. I’m never going to find a man who loves me. I’m never going to be happy. Either I live the rest of my life as a lonely man who wishes he were a woman or I live my life as a lonelier woman who hates herself. There’s no winning. There’s no way out. I’m sad enough already, I don’t need my life to get any worse. People say “it gets better” but that isn’t true in my case. It gets worse. Each day I get worse.

That’s the gist of it, that’s why I feel like killing myself. Sorry if that’s not a good enough reason for you, it’s good enough for me. As for my will, I want 100% of the things that I legally own to be sold and the money (plus my money in the bank) to be given to trans civil rights movements and support groups, I don’t give a shit which one. The only way I will rest in peace is if one day transgender people aren’t treated the way I was, they’re treated like humans, with valid feelings and human rights. Gender needs to be taught about in schools, the earlier the better. My death needs to mean something. My death needs to be counted in the number of transgender people who commit suicide this year. I want someone to look at that number and say “that’s fucked up” and fix it. Fix society. Please.

Goodbye,

(Leelah) Josh Alcorn

rest of article at link :

http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2014/12/transgender-teen-struck-and-killed-on-ohio-interstate-in-apparent-suicide/?utm_content=buffer45353&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

Please consider signing the petition at Change.org

https://www.change.org/p/barack-obama-harry-reid-nancy-pelosi-president-of-the-united-states-enact-leelah-s-law-to-ban-transgender-conversion-therapy

[marym625]

1. Someone posted this yesterday in Religion

I am glad to see it here

For Leelah

[Bagsgroove]

2. Sometimes the things that break your heart are the things you need to see

Thanks for posting this.

[shenmue]

3. Rest in peace

[Ken Burch]

4. Lyrics to a song I've just written for Leelah(based on the obit and her photos)

(will try to post it on YouTube as soon as possible, and will be performing it in Juneau this weekend):


1) I know that your body was the wrong one for your soul
You tried to find your way out, but you were not in control
Of that choice
They told you you were wrong, they said that "God would not approve"
They sent you off to men who twisted Gospels to disprove
Your inner voice

CHORUS:
Leelah, I’m so sorry
That this world could not let you be who you were.
Those who should have loved you let you down,
because they couldn’t see you clear.
And now your spirit’s flying through the silence
To a place where all are free.
I wish we could have showed you
You were truly loved and you deserved to be.

2) Eyes so lost in yearning stared from photos you would post
windows to a secret place where you were left to hide, most
Of each day.
With your nimble hands you’d quickly sketch a stranger’s soul
Yet when you tried to draw your truth, tried finally to be whole
They shut you away.

(Chorus)

3) You felt your life could not be yours, that you could not be you
And in the end you thought there was just one thing left to do…
…so you went away…
Now your young life’s over, But I think you’ve taught us well
We must be there for each other, in this small world where we dwell
Each crying day.


(Last Chorus)
Leelah, you have shown us
That we must let everyone be who they are-
All of us in some way let you down
Because we couldn’t see that clear.
There are many many other Leelahs
And someday all may be free
And you will live in all of them,
For you are loved and you deserve to be.
And you will live in all of us,
For you are loved and you deserve to be.

[area51]

5. This is so sad.

I signed the petition.