Welcome to DU! The truly grassroots left-of-center political community where regular people, not algorithms, drive the discussions and set the standards. Join the community: Create a free account Support DU (and get rid of ads!): Become a Star Member All Forums Issue Forums Culture Forums Alliance Forums Region Forums Support Forums Help & Search

Lunabell

(5,920 posts)
Tue Mar 31, 2015, 03:23 AM Mar 2015

I am beyond pissed!

This is a hard situation. My father and my stepmom have on the surface been very gracious to me and my partner of 20 years. They actually helped us get financing for our home and have been nothing but wonderful on the surface to us. But they are republicans. this week I learned that they joined a conservative Anglican church. You know, the one that supported the "kill the gays" bill. Ugh!
Anyhoo, after the law was passed in Indiana where they live part-time, I texted them my disgust that they could vote for and actively support these people. I also texted them that I was very hurt that they chose a church that would support a "kill the gays" bill.

Needless to say, they took offense at this. My stepmom actually called my "not wife" Kat and told her she thought I needed "help". Well, Kat is on the same page as I am! She is disgusted too. My one sister is in agreement with me. She is a wonderful liberal. I texted back to my stepmom that she should just stop calling our house. I told her that SHE was the one that needed help. That to continue voting republican was sick! So, i am ok with this. People need to know that their actions have consequences!

21 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies

Response to Lunabell (Original post)

jamesatemple

(342 posts)
4. On the off-chance that you might have the impression that you can post some heart-felt missive ...
Tue Mar 31, 2015, 05:27 AM
Mar 2015

...here on DU without someone doubting your sincerity and replying with some snarky, inconsiderate response, perish the thought. Just know that many others of us accept your thoughts at face value. I can't know why your post was received by our fellow DU'er in the manner in which it was, eliciting the reply which you received. But I'm of the opinion that the reply was made by a good person, a like-minded supporter of the forum we share, who may have misunderstood your intent. Post away, my friend. Don't be troubled by an irritating reply now and then. We've all received them and, unfortunately, though we pride ourselves in being considerate, we occasionally fail to be so.

Response to Post removed (Reply #1)

Lochloosa

(16,019 posts)
11. xfundy, it was a year before I signed up, much less posted, after I "found" DU.
Tue Mar 31, 2015, 07:39 AM
Mar 2015

Might want to cut a little slack.

indivisibleman

(482 posts)
3. Parents are important in life.
Tue Mar 31, 2015, 05:21 AM
Mar 2015

The only time I would burn a bridge like this with a parent or with anyone close to me would be someone that simply makes my life horrible while being in contact with them. I have had to do this with one person in my life. And I am so glad I am no longer in contact with them. With my Republican family members I only occasionally set them straight on certain facts. Other than that I try to keep our conversations on other topics. But I do think it is important to make your feelings known regarding certain issues and this would certainly be one of them.

DFW

(54,057 posts)
6. Burning bridges has to be a difficult step
Tue Mar 31, 2015, 06:22 AM
Mar 2015

Of course, I'm not exactly qualified to make detailed comments, being both straight and the child of two lifelong Democrats.

I wish you all the emotional support you can muster, as well as all you can get from friends and understanding relatives. I can't imagine what it is like to have immediate family like that.

LittleGirl

(8,261 posts)
10. Very sorry for you
Tue Mar 31, 2015, 06:37 AM
Mar 2015

I have family in Indiana and some of us have had a major falling out because of politics. My older brother who now lives in KY used to call my Mother every weekend for the past oh, 25-30 yrs and after the election in Nov 2012, just stopped. Cold. After a few weeks my Mother called him and he basically said, I don't want to talk to you. WTF? She asked why but he wouldn't say. It took about 6 more months for him to admit that the election was the reason. He was furious that Obama won reelection and said that he was disappointed that she voted for him.

And my 82 yr old mother took it hard. Very hard.

We never discussed politics at home growing up and I didn't know until then that my Mother was a liberal. Apparently, from facebook, he realized that Mother was voting for Obama (oddly, I've checked her history) and has not been in touch with her much since. On Mother's day and her birthday, he would send a one line email with Happy (whatever). Totally excluded her from anything more about his 20 something yr old kids, etc. Just gone. My teabagger sister at least has the decency not to discuss politics around my Mother anymore and still keeps in touch. They had many fights about politics and my sister is another nutbag that I refuse to communicate with.

My younger liberal brother and I are dumbstruck. This is the oddest behavior we've ever seen from this guy and we knew he was conservative (to a degree because he still attends church and sent his kids to catholic schools) but we had no idea that he was a racist pig who would hurt his Mother like that. We haven't spoken to him since and my Mother still cries when he is brought up in conversations etc. I don't know if I will ever be able to forgive my brother for hurting my Mother so deeply at the end of her life. She did nothing wrong.

Whatever you do, be true to yourself but you have to ask yourself, is this b.s. legislation reason enough to divorce your father? Seriously, if you don't live in Indiana anymore (or ever), how does it affect you? I don't live there anymore and I am glad I have moved on but the rest of my extended family is hurting because of one of my siblings actions toward our parent. Is it worth it?

Good luck in your decision.

Gothmog

(144,005 posts)
12. This law is very divisive and is causing a number of problems
Tue Mar 31, 2015, 08:05 AM
Mar 2015

The homophobes who support this law really believe that they need this law. That is so very sad

Fearless

(18,421 posts)
13. Their actions do have consequences
Tue Mar 31, 2015, 08:28 AM
Mar 2015

I've had similar situations with family over the years, primarily my parents referring to my boyfriend (when I was in a relationship) as my "friend" all the time, and only when the subject couldn't be avoided entirely.

I did much the same you did and it came down to an ultimatum. I spent less time, particularly during holidays with them than I did with my (at the time) boyfriend's family who was accepting. Unfortunately sometimes these things do come up and imho it comes down to having to do what's right in your life. You can't always go along with everything family believes, sometimes you need to push back and push away when major conflicts arise. I hope that someday they come around and you'll all be happy together. In the meantime, don't stress over it and don't let it ruin your life.

In the end you need to live your life the way your heart tells you to and if they come around then great, otherwise they'll play an increasingly small role in it and they'll have to deal with that.

Laffy Kat

(16,356 posts)
15. Feel your pain, Lunabell.
Tue Mar 31, 2015, 09:22 AM
Mar 2015

It's so hard. Can't imagine what your Thanksgiving will be like. Hang in there.

LostOne4Ever

(9,267 posts)
16. That is a horrible situation.
Wed Apr 1, 2015, 12:28 AM
Apr 2015

[font style="font-family:'Georgia','Baskerville Old Face','Helvetica',fantasy;" size=4 color=teal]My sympathy for all that you went through. Maybe one day they will come to their senses and realize how much they hurt you and how very wrong they were.

I wish you the best![/font]

Lunabell

(5,920 posts)
17. It was joining the church that was the last straw.
Wed Apr 1, 2015, 12:57 PM
Apr 2015

They have been members of a conservative Lutheran church and they decided to join a church that actively campaigned to allow a law in Uganda that would impose a death penalty for LGBT. Seriously? You think this is ok? I don't.


Oh, and thank you to all for your support.

nightscanner59

(802 posts)
18. My late parents passed away mired in their hatreds. Especially my dad.
Sat Apr 18, 2015, 12:01 AM
Apr 2015

Fox news fueled political bias that had been kept largely to themselves until they aged. I was disowned, neglected, truly hated and uncared for after my inadvertant "outing". I ran away from extraordinary bullying, physical abuse and medical neglect at 16.
Frankly I never had much thought of it all until just before my 18th birthday, circumstances (legal) relegated me to my (also late) Aunt and Uncle's home in Southern California. They were both unaware of the total tongue-lashing I inadvertently overheard my Aunt and Uncle belted out to them over the phone for their total child non-support. They helped me obtain my GED, and a start in college. They even arranged financing for my first humble abode (an older mobile home) with no help whatsoever from my parents.
I tried so hard to construct a bridge of understanding which only garnered tacit and insincere non-response from my parents. It truly hurts in retrospect they remained so entrenched, and left my older siblings with a lot of guilt for having been treated "normally" (and inheriting all assets, which one brother shared some of the financial with me) by them by merit of their heterosexuality. It truly makes a statement when the youngest child of the family has no normal grief reaction whatsoever from their passing, just sadness that all my efforts to try and make them show some caring for me was a failure. It made me truly realize that they actually went out of their way to not support, protect or care for me, never initiated contact, ever. It was my other half when I graduated from college that forced (and paid for) their ticket to visit for my graduation. I was less than flattered then, honestly, and I told Eldon that I appreciated the effort, but he saw for himself how detached they were from genuine expression of giving half a damn for the sub-human couple we represented to them. Eldon only later admitted they seemed damn cold and thankless for his effort after I frankly discussed that I appreciated his gesture, but would not welcome a repeat of it.
I hope for your sake and theirs that this doesn't represent a similar drifting apart. My mother would not even make a phone call in effort to persuade anyone of anything regarding me. She just couldn't be bothered, her thing was pseudo-religious objection shared by nearly her whole side of my roots. My dad truly hated this, just a macho thing. If your mom at least cares enough to call, give this some cooling off time.

Lunabell

(5,920 posts)
19. Step mom, but thanks.
Sat Apr 18, 2015, 02:09 AM
Apr 2015

I really don't care to be around them right now and that is ok. My partner supports me. Once again, I texted my father and I told him that I loved him but his choice of the conservative Anglican church put a knife through my heart. That they supported the "kill the gays bill" in Uganda. His response? He called me a liberal Democrat baby killer. I haven't lost much. Just a biological sperm donor.

nightscanner59

(802 posts)
20. OH, god that really is shades of the partisan mesmerizing Fox News addiction did to my dad.
Sat Apr 18, 2015, 04:13 PM
Apr 2015

Not that he ever was of any reasonable political stance, but Fox got him truly hating all his kids, and I was the most far removed from his generation and beliefs. Fox just totally entrenched him into bias confirmation, lost in the idiotic "liberals are destroying the U.S." meme. He was so lost in the WWII rhetoric, racist as hell, and of course unwaveringly homophobic.
It's been the extended LGBT family that has been my resource, my comfort since I was 16 and totally lost in feeling isolated. I discovered in San Francisco that I wasn't the only one by a long shot.
I offer you the love of a comrade in the trenches that also helps fight homophobia however I can. Stay strong, keep the faith.

Latest Discussions»Alliance Forums»LGBT»I am beyond pissed!