The anxieties of growing old when you're LGBTQ

[Behind the Aegis]

Who would bring you chicken soup if you were sick? For most people of a certain age, that’s easy — a spouse or an adult child would step up.

For many LGBTQ people, however, it’s not a simple question at all.

“Many [would] have to think really hard about this,” said Imani Woody, an academic and community advocate who retired from AARP to start an organization serving LGBTQ seniors. She said chicken soup is a stand-in for having a social support system, which many of us need.

“Build your village right now,” Woody said.

A few years ago, I would have said that my then-husband would be my primary caregiver if I became ill or disabled. I’d have done the same for him. Now I’m 65 and divorced, and this issue — who can I call on? — is top of mind for me.

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[XanaDUer2]

1. I was just discussing this with Mr X nt

[lambchopp59]

2. Double trouble for some of us

There's that casual way younger people relate to each other through college years gets more guarded with wisdom.
I ended up isolated all over again. The same frightening isolation I'd worked so hard to shatter after a homeless experience in youth. The early AIDS epidemic stole them all away. Jason, Ted, Steven, Jerry and sweet, loving Eldon all only pictures in an old, worn photo album. My whole crew. Every one of them helped me off the street, kept me fed, laughing and warm through my college years in the city.
I've had co-workers in the hundreds, 2 selfish romantic interests I never want to see again. But real friends who would keep touch? Tumbleweeds.
Not from a lack of trying to develop a circle: I don't drink, do drugs, never much of the social butterfly: that was Eldon's job. Never had good coordination for competitive athletics. Only me and my dogs 🐕 gets me some reprieve from loneliness chatting with strangers at a dog park.
I can't count the number of times I've dead-ended developing connections via an "I've got enough friends already, thanks" type attitude (and BTW, that's really a quote) There's the air of having been so long isolated through an unexceptionally bulliied youth exception of those college years that throws up some sort of barrier I can't breach. Only a few have discovered why I'm sort of quirky.
My place is so isolated that I leave the fencing breachable so if that big heart attack gets me, the dog can get out and find someone. But I'd probably be 20 years dead before someone finds me here.
Dammit, here I go again spilling my heart out on social media.

[I_UndergroundPanther]

4. I am worried if I die

That Othello does not die because of me.
I live in a 2nd story apartment how would he get put to find someone?
At least I know when my body stinks bad enough or my apartment has a shit ton of death flies in it and it infests other apartments they'll find me.
That would give my sweetheart Othello a chance to escape to a new life.

[lambchopp59]

5. Remote location like my own...

Abandoned cabins in remote areas, the animal already having consumed every scrap of prior human resident with very little residue, the animal most often dead of dehydration before starvation accounts for the odor.
An elderly friend of mine long ago in Colorado made that exact discovery in his youth and told me of it.
It always made me shudder and motivates me to leave not only a 50 pound bag of dog food stocked ahead in reach of my dog, but also a large cow tank of water. Upon desperation areas connecting yard fence panels are lashed only with plastic zip ties he can hopefully chew through and get out.
As long as you are in populated area, your animal would likely be causing some ruckus in attempt more for your "rescue" than his/her own..
I finally picked up work, shared company housing for now. I'm hoping I can work long enough to afford some RV space rental nearer to medical facilities. It's upsetting that even many such locations are becoming prohibitively expensive.

[I_UndergroundPanther]

3. My social support system

No longer exists. Cant drive so I spend 24 7 alone. I am scared of growing old. There will be no one to make sure I was ok. No one to help.

I hope when I really begin to deteriorate
And I know I cannot care for myself I hope that I die before it happens.

If I dont die there are ways to ensure I can die and get out before I get too far gone.

I am scared of my future.