I am an Outsider...as in Not a Regular

[ScreamingMeemie]

This discussion thread was locked by Neoma (a host of the Feminists group).

And I think that term, "not a regular" bothers me the most while reading through this whole thing. Yes, I am here and some of you will post that I shouldn't be because I'm "not a regular". I am a woman. A woman who battles right alongside you...even here, on DU. I have made it a mission of sorts to bring understanding in the male dominated "Sports" forum here (you can ask sea, and even trumad, for "creds" on that if you need to). But I don't post here. Because here can be just like the worst day in the "Sports" forum.

It's mean here, and unwelcoming. I used to participate on DU2 but stopped after the great shaving war. We aren't supposed to be nasty to each other, or demand credentials when disagreeing. We're supposed to attempt (and hopefully succeed) to bring understanding to the causes that affect women today.

What this "Outsider" sees happening here, is two sides accusing each other of the same thing: abuse of privilege (I'm not going to say power because it isn't power, it's privilege) while being unable to see it in themselves. This has quickly devolved into a bully fest. Public call outs, accusations etc...

I know this from my own experience (confession time), that whenever a board is set up outside of another board to discuss the members and activity within the board it doesn't end well. I've done it. It's never been positive. It doesn't make it okay to share the goings on of that board with non-members, but what does one expect? Subterfuge begets subterfuge. Neither is acceptable behavior.

In my opinion, which a good deal of you will possibly throw right into the trashed thread files, a good start would be no hosts. Because, for this girl, and not meaning to hurt anyone's feelings, I don't really trust any of you who are battling for host positions. I think good intentions have given way to hanging in for the wrong reasons. I also know that there are more of you than the handful of players who are battling right now. Perhaps it is time for fresh keyboards.

A lot of attention is being focused on this group right now. Use it for good. Bring attention to things like Virginia's state sanctioned rape of women. I would like to be a participant here some time. It could be a great place. As long as you promise not to call me a "member" or a "regular". It's too inclusive and (as we have seen) divisive.

[MadrasT]

1. I am inclined to agree with you

And, yes, no hosts at all (at least for a while) seems like the right thing to do.

[seabeyond]

2. do we open up the vote for host of our group to all of du?

that is the only reason those terms are being used.

so, do we open the vote for who has the best interest of ALL the women in this forum, to all of du?

[ScreamingMeemie]

4. You have missed my point sea.

I don't think you should have a vote at this time. I don't think you should have hosts at this time. Any result of such a vote would be immediately complained about by the other side, and you would be back at square one. Someone mentioned that the group was going along quite fine without one.

On edit, that is not the only reason those terms have been used. They have been used for as long as this group has existed unfortunately. It's one of the things that has bothered me since DU2.

[seabeyond]

5. you made it clear you were bothered about terminology. that was the point i was addressing.

why we are using it now.

[ScreamingMeemie]

6. And...it is terminology that has long been acceptable in this group.

Going back to DU2. It sets an image of how anything one who uses it will be viewed. And, even in this case, it isn't just being used in terms of voting.

[seabeyond]

10. i have never been nonwelcoming in this group. ever.

if a poster comes in to disrupt, they get lots of chances, lots of asking, before anything happens

[ScreamingMeemie]

11. This is not an indictment against you, as a person, sea.

It is my observation on how this group is run and how it does treat people. Any of us who are here, who are not deemed regulars, are here for the disruptive entertainment. Some of us see this as a chance for our voices to be heard. As to why we don't want to participate here. Here is still DU.

This behavior is not so very different from what you and I both encountered in the Sports forum.

[one_voice]

3. Bravo...

well said.

I agree, it's mean here. I'm a woman and would love to be more involved, but the demand (from some) that you have to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that you're a feminist first second and last is unfair.

There are some people here that see everything as an assault on women, and if you disagree, well then you're part of the problem. Some of us don't see things that way, aren't offended by every thing. From the term chick flicks to the "b" word--which is a whole 'nother topic.

What's happening in this group is taking it's toll on ALL DU'ers, there's really no such thing as an outsider. From juries to threads in H&M, to the latest threads. I'm ashamed that every catty, mean stereotype said about women is being reaffirmed here by WOMEN who claim to fight for women.

At at rate, I agree with what you said.

[libodem]

14. I agree with you

I came over from DU2 with a new attitude of live and let live. Some I had on ignore are now visible and I gave it a shot to join and participate.

Didn't take long to feel unwelcome so I unjoined and put them back on ignore. Sat back and watched this crap unfold.

I treasure my membership on this board too much, to say what I really think. So I lurk here.

[kestrel91316]

7. I am a female and a feminist and am frankly afraid to wade in

here because of all the drama.

Personally, I smell a RW infiltrator or two in that whole mess. I just don't know who.

[Surya Gayatri]

8. Well said, SM...

I wouldn't be inclined even to stick my big toe in the door at this Fem group.

If the personal call-outs and poisonous attacks out there on Latest Threads are any indication of what's going on over here, yikes!
SG

[annabanana]

15. I find it intimidating too. I experienced 'the click"

back in the 70's when women's consciousness was rising courtesy of The Feminine Mystique for the first time since the days fo the Suffragettes. More of a spirit of Sisterhood would go a long way around here.

[Lisa D]

9. Very well said.

I agree with everything in your post.

[Rex]

12. 'which a good deal of you will possibly throw right into the trashed thread files'

Possibly, but I hope not. Great advice.

[Mnemosyne]

13. Hear, hear! Thanks! n/t