Thanksgiving was tougher that I thought it would be

[bif]

We hosted my wife's family--about 20 people and everyone was drinking. I had to go upstairs a couple times to get away from the crowd. I've been sober for a little over 7 years but every once in a while I have a tough event to get through. I made it, but it wasn't easy. I'll sure be happy when the holidays are over. Not my favorite time of year.

[jmbar2]

1. Can't believe your family would do that!

Not supportive at all. Damn...

In the past, some members of my family were AA. They had a separate holiday tradition of going out for a big Chinese feast and skipping the drinking gatherings. They were more fun.

[democrank]

2. Sorry you had a difficult day yesterday

Hope you’re proud of yourself for recognizing your needed to remove yourself from the crowd and go upstairs. It’s a tough road but you stayed on it. Nice going…..

[ZDU]

3. You did it! Proud of you!

You have my full support and understanding. I'm sorry you had to experience the environment and I am so proud you had the courage to step away from it and find a better place for you. One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time.... you did it!

[enough]

4. Congratulations, well done, in a difficult situation.

[SheltieLover]

5. I'm proud of you, Bif, for your awareness & for removing yourself

from amidst insensitive people.

[Diamond_Dog]

6. You showed great courage keeping yourself apart from it.

Bravo to You.

[NewHendoLib]

7. Well done.

[mdbl]

8. Excellent!

Addictions are the most difficult things to overcome, especially during the holidays. Congratulations - your liver and kidneys will thank you forever. Things get really bad when they can't do their jobs anymore.

[Farmer-Rick]

9. Good job not drinking

Keep it up.

I have liver problems related to diabetes and COVID. I can't drink either. It's really tough when everyone around you is drinking and acting the fool.

You did well!!!!

[WmChris]

10. You did well

Family knows your story so you may have been seen as a guide to a better life by someone in that group who recognizes that they may have a problem. If nothing else you found your way and came out sober.

[Hope22]

11. My hat is off to you.

I’m so sorry that you had to endure that. Take care!!💗🙏🏼

[Grim Chieftain]

12. You showed incredible strength and resolve

That is quite an accomplishment and you should be very proud of yourself. You did it!

[Joinfortmill]

13. So glad you got thru it. My addiction was cigarettes

Man, it took me years, and I do mean years, to finally quit. Quit in 2006. Had been trying unsuccessfully for 3 years. Got very sick with Legionnaires Disease. That finally broke the cycle. But, for over a decade every once in awhile a craving would wash over me.

Glad you made it thru. It does get better with time - a long time! Have a wonderful upcoming New Year. Maybe go fishing or something while the other folks party. 😀

[JMCKUSICK]

14. Congratulations Big,

Please never feel obligated to put sobriety second to anything else. I'm glad you got through it.
Seven years is quite an achievement of one day at a time.
Higher Power Speed.

[Clouds Passing]

15. ...

It’s so hard when you are sober to be around a bunch of drunk people. They don’t get it, oblivious. They think they are being funny and clever but no, they are just being temporarily brain damaged.

[justaprogressive]

16. The real point is that you shouldn't have had to.

Your house your rules.

Maybe the correct course is to make it clear next year, no drinking while they're at your house.

[cab67]

19. My friend's uncle had to really put his foot down over this.

He quit drinking and was determined to stay sober. Alcoholic beverages were never in his house.

But for the first few holidays at his house after he got sober, relatives would simply bring their own. It was a while before they got the message - no alcohol, period.

[llmart]

17. I have such empathy for you in that situation because I've been there.

No, I was never an alcoholic myself, but my family of origin was loaded with them. I have six siblings and most of them except for one sister were alcoholics and were always unemployed or not partnered with anyone or the one sister who wasn't an alcoholic was married to one and she was poor as a church mouse trying to feed her kids. So I always hosted every holiday in my house because I felt I had a better life with a better financial situation and wanted them to have somewhere to go. I would dread every holiday because at least a couple of them would always get plastered, never knew when to leave, had various excuses for why they couldn't bring a dish... you get the scenario. One year my sister fell down the stairs from the bathroom upstairs and blamed it on "the dark lighting". Another year a brother showed up really late and wouldn't leave until midnight and I still had stuff to do for my two young children so "Santa" could come. Another Christmas a brother left our house drunk and within two miles hit a parked car and came back to our house and wanted us to drive him home so he could leave his smashed up car in our driveway. Then we got transferred to another state far away and I was so relieved that I wouldn't have to do all that for holidays.

Your last sentence really hit home. I have never liked the holidays. I'm always so glad when they're over. I think there are quite a few of us out there and maybe some who won't even admit it for fear others will think there's something wrong with us. I think that maybe we're the ones who are the smart ones.

I am so glad you took the steps to stop drinking. Oh, by the way, the man my sober sister was married to? He died of cirrhosis at 50 years old leaving her with eight children to raise.

[Collimator]

25. That last sentence really hit home for me, too.

Mental health rather than specific addiction issues, but for many years, the Christmas holidays meant that someone in my family was either in the hospital or jail. (Both was not an impossibility.) One year, I broke out in hives over the stress. I hated the holiday season.

Now, I spend the holidays alone and I'm conflicted. The peace of mind is priceless, but sometimes I wish for a little company in a situation where I don't have to pretend to be anyone other than who I am.

Authenticity has its price; and I've made the decision to pay it.

That line reminded me of a proverb of sorts that I read in a novel. God looks down upon a person longing for something and says,

"You want it? Take it. Take whatever you want. . . And pay for it."

Life is basically about learning what it is that we want and what we're willing to pay-- psychologically, of course-- to get it.

People struggling with addictions either pay the price in ruined lives or they pay for their sobriety in hard work and often-times extreme discomfort. My heart goes out to you, bif, and others working out that daily bargain. Much respect and wishing you all the support that you need.

[RamblingRose]

18. Congratulations!!! We'll be in that situation at Christmas w/ my husband's family for the first time ever.

Mr. RR became an alcoholic earlier this year after retiring early. He's had one "slip" since August.

Wish us luck.

[634-5789]

20. I stopped cold turkey on February 17, 1995.

I hear you, and I got you. Fortunately, we don't do 'people'. You know it's a day at a time, but the added risk is insane. You did good, you made it.

[littlemissmartypants]

21. Stay encouraged, bif. ❤️

[Exp]

22. Good for you! Yah, that's got to be difficult. nt

[bif]

23. There's no way I'm going to tell people not to drink

This is my road I've chosen to travel on. My wife still drinks and we have plenty of booze around the house. We chose to host Thanksgiving, and with that comes drinking. As I mentioned, I've been sober for over 7 years and it's only occasionally that I face a bit of a challenge. Getting through it in my own way only makes me stronger.

Actually last night was a little amusing. Almost everyone left around 8, but her brother and S-I-L stayed until almost 11. My wife ended up getting a bit plastered and she kept on yammering. It was a bit of a reminder of the way I used to be at the end of the night. Actually, almost every night for several years.

[IbogaProject]

24. I came to love NA beer for things like this

I find it is easy to refuse offers of drinks when I have one already. I also try to bring extra to be able to offer them. Personally I just tapered off of booze as I matured and had to keep dropping my maximum amount to not be blown out the next day. NA beer made it super easy for me to get to zero and I've stayed there.

[bif]

26. I did have a Good Times IPA last night

It's a really hoppy brew that you'd swear isn't an NA beer.

[IbogaProject]

27. Anything except O'Douls and Bud Zero are ok to good

That is the only advice I give.

Bush NA, Old MIlwaukee NA and Milwaukee Best NA are all decent cheap bear NA style.

[bif]

28. Heinekin Zero is also excellent

[pfitz59]

29. My sister died of alcoholism

as did my father and brother. Yet their families and 2 of my remaining sibs insist on bringing gallons of booze to family events. I'm not a teetotaler, but I can't stand it. I usually beg off... The drinking is cringeworthy.

[KPN]

30. Congratulations on making it through that bif. I'm sure

I can speak for most everyone here in saying we’re proud of you.

Keep on keepin’ on man!

[AKwannabe]

31. My BF's son is having an alcohol problem right now

His new wife (married in July) keeps calling his family to complain and get them involved ….
His father talked with him last Saturday and he was said to not have had a drink since then.

BUT!

At dinner last evening when they arrived, the wife has this gigantic bottle of vodka and an expensive pouch of olive brine. She went directly to the bar cabinet and made a big dirty martini……..

I had no words.
I can’t judge but the fact remains that the pot is calling the kettle black and that is easy to see without judgement!

I wish them luck and hope the wife gets off the backs of his family or at the very least my BF tells her off for not being able to see that she has no leg to stand on with a martini in her hand. FFS!

[soldierant]

32. It's sad that holidays require you to be a superhero

but you're doing a great job of it.

[MissouriDem47]

33. The single most important thing to remember is that you didn't drink.

[FakeNoose]

34. I don't want to sound judgmental but ...

... shouldn't your wife have taken some of the responsibility in seeing that her family was kept under control? For that matter, the two of you could have discussed it ahead of time and planned on a course of action. I'm guessing she must realize the difficulty this family get-together is for you. Maybe there's a way you can ask her to be your partner so that the burden is not all on you.

I'm sorry you had to go through this. It couldn't have been enjoyable for you. However you did succeed in getting through it with your resolve intact.

[LisaM]

35. I don't think that's what he wants.

I think he just needs kudos and a big thumbs up for figuring it out so everyone could do what they wanted.

So, Bid, yay you!

[Evolve Dammit]

36. The "alcohol gene" seems to be a real disposition to becoming adicted. I hope more is researched. RFK will be on it.

[DFW]

43. I must have the mirror image of that gene

I gag and convulse the second I taste alcohol in any drink, and always have ever since I was a small kid, and my parents allowed me to have a small sip of “what’s that you’re drinking Daddy? It smells strange!” I invariably hated it, no matter what it was. He said when I was old enough, I’d like it. Well, I’m not old enough, because I still hate it—ALL of it. Wine, beer, champagne, whisky, rum, gin—you could offer me a million dollars per glass, I’d choke before I could down two sips of any of them. Some people say they pity me because I’m missing out on so much. I wouldn’t know, and therefore never missed it.

[Evolve Dammit]

44. It's great you never missed it!

[ColoringFool]

37. I Recently Joined A Group For Help In Recovery. I Commend You...

For doing the right thing, even if your family might have done better. But we can control only ourselves.

A Day At A Time. 👍🙏

[SunSeeker]

39. Congratulations on getting through Thanksgiving. Keep taking those timeouts.

Nobody has a right to abuse you, even if they're family.

[MustLoveBeagles]

40. Kudos to you

For resisting temptation. Speaking from experience, with quitting smoking, I know how hard it must've been.

[calimary]

41. You did the right thing, getting away from it, even if only for brief periods.

Congratulations on your continuing sobriety!!! Proud of you!!! VERY well done!!!

[Skittles]

42. hey you did great

you don't expect others to modify their behavior and you had a plan when it became overwhelming

also remember, someone is always here on DU, you can talk to us during the hard times