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Fri Jul 1, 2022, 07:14 AM

Our world came crashing down yesterday.

After beating kidney cancer AND Stage 4 Lymphoma, wifey has been diagnosed with Leukemia, probably caused by the chemo from her Lymphoma treatment.
She/We are devastated. We went to the doctor's office thinking that she would be treated for a blood disorder with oral medicines and left knowing that she will have to undergo allogeneic stem cell transplant.
To top it all off, her treatment, which will last 3 months (one complete month in the hospital and two months in a apartment adjascent to the hospital) is 4 hours away from our home.
So, my question to the group, does anyone have any suggestions on how to acquire a "caregiver" for the two months she will need one at her side 24/7? We have no one to turn to and will need to try to HIRE someone to assist us. Agencies, gov't assistance or any references would help tremendously.
To be honest, we are both still in shock. We thought we had beat her cancers ( and have because her kidney cancer and lymphoma are clear) and now this. It is almost more than we can bear.
thanks for any help.

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Arrow 69 replies Author Time Post
Reply Our world came crashing down yesterday. (Original post)
Ferrets are Cool Jul 1 OP
Walleye Jul 1 #1
Ferrets are Cool Jul 1 #2
secondwind Jul 1 #3
Ferrets are Cool Jul 1 #8
2naSalit Jul 1 #4
mopinko Jul 1 #5
2naSalit Jul 1 #11
Ferrets are Cool Jul 1 #9
2naSalit Jul 1 #12
Ferrets are Cool Jul 1 #19
magicarpet Jul 1 #6
Ferrets are Cool Jul 1 #10
Tetrachloride Jul 1 #7
WA-03 Democrat Jul 1 #13
Ferrets are Cool Jul 1 #20
ancianita Jul 1 #14
Ferrets are Cool Jul 1 #26
KatyaR Jul 1 #15
Ferrets are Cool Jul 1 #27
3Hotdogs Jul 1 #16
Ferrets are Cool Jul 1 #22
3Hotdogs Jul 1 #17
Ferrets are Cool Jul 1 #23
Cozmo Jul 1 #18
Ferrets are Cool Jul 1 #24
róisín_dubh Jul 1 #21
Ferrets are Cool Jul 1 #25
wyn borkins Jul 1 #28
Ferrets are Cool Jul 1 #32
Joinfortmill Jul 1 #29
Ferrets are Cool Jul 1 #34
Lonestarblue Jul 1 #30
Ferrets are Cool Jul 1 #35
70sEraVet Jul 1 #31
Ferrets are Cool Jul 1 #36
LaMouffette Jul 1 #33
Ferrets are Cool Jul 1 #37
NNadir Jul 1 #38
Ferrets are Cool Jul 1 #39
sinkingfeeling Jul 1 #40
Ferrets are Cool Jul 1 #48
Marthe48 Jul 1 #41
Ferrets are Cool Jul 1 #49
jaxexpat Jul 1 #42
Ferrets are Cool Jul 1 #50
MLAA Jul 1 #43
Ferrets are Cool Jul 1 #51
cate94 Jul 1 #44
Ferrets are Cool Jul 1 #52
plimsoll Jul 1 #45
Ferrets are Cool Jul 1 #54
LoisB Jul 1 #46
Ferrets are Cool Jul 1 #55
niyad Jul 1 #47
Ferrets are Cool Jul 1 #56
Botany Jul 1 #53
Ferrets are Cool Jul 1 #57
erronis Jul 1 #58
Ferrets are Cool Jul 1 #61
Rebl2 Jul 1 #59
Ferrets are Cool Jul 1 #62
cilla4progress Jul 1 #60
Ferrets are Cool Jul 1 #63
live love laugh Jul 1 #64
Ferrets are Cool Jul 1 #65
applegrove Jul 2 #66
Ferrets are Cool Jul 2 #67
applegrove Jul 2 #68
Ferrets are Cool Jul 2 #69

Response to Ferrets are Cool (Original post)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 07:16 AM

1. I wish there was something I could say...

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Response to Walleye (Reply #1)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 07:17 AM

2. Thank you Walleye

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Response to Ferrets are Cool (Original post)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 07:22 AM

3. Your wife sounds like a fighter.. I hope she beats this, too..


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Response to secondwind (Reply #3)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 07:43 AM

8. Thank you secondwind.

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Response to Ferrets are Cool (Original post)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 07:32 AM

4. Are there any...

Cancer support groups in either your town or the one where she'll be treated?

Check with the social services dept. at the hospital and if you're over 55, check with senior centers in both locations, for starters. Also maybe state, county, local health services, they can at least direct you to resources.

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Response to 2naSalit (Reply #4)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 07:35 AM

5. this

i'm guessing the oncology dept has resources like that.

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Response to mopinko (Reply #5)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 07:52 AM

11. Yeah...

There's usually some kind of support group that deals with cancer patients exclusively and they would normally have literature and contact info if not more interaction with the facility.

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Response to 2naSalit (Reply #4)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 07:44 AM

9. We got back home very late last nite. We will be calling and beginning our investigations today.

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Response to Ferrets are Cool (Reply #9)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 07:53 AM

12. Seems so daunting...

We care about you here, gather what strength you can from that.

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Response to 2naSalit (Reply #12)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 08:21 AM

19. The ONLY group that I can count on to be there.

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Response to Ferrets are Cool (Original post)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 07:35 AM

6. Your wife is fortunate to have such a good planner/fighter,...

.... for her emotional and health support.

Soon you folks will move beyond these health issues and return to a state of normalcy and calm.

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Response to magicarpet (Reply #6)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 07:44 AM

10. Thank you magicarpet

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Response to Ferrets are Cool (Original post)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 07:43 AM

7. Public libraries might have leads to actual caregivers

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Response to Ferrets are Cool (Original post)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 07:54 AM

13. I am so sorry to hear this

My heart, thoughts, prayers, positive vibes go to you, your wife and your family. This is a major change in expectations and a downward one at that. You all at least know the fight ahead and I am sure you all will battle through it. I have no info to add but do wish you all the best!

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Response to WA-03 Democrat (Reply #13)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 08:22 AM

20. Thank you WA

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Response to Ferrets are Cool (Original post)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 08:03 AM

14. Ferret, you've both gone through so much already, and

yet you sound as if you might have light at the end of this tunnel. The help posted here are good starting points. I wish you and wifey the love and strength you'll both give each other to get through this. Health care givers are fine people and will help bolster your spirits, help you work out arrangements.

We're with you both. Get over here as often as you need so we can give you all the love, hugs and support we can.

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Response to ancianita (Reply #14)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 08:25 AM

26. Thank you so very much

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Response to Ferrets are Cool (Original post)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 08:06 AM

15. I am so very sorry to hear this.

You and your wife have been through a lot.

You may be able to talk to your wife's treatment team to find some help. If this is standard procedure for treatment, you will not be the first to have these needs.

Love, peace, and patience to you and your wife.

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Response to KatyaR (Reply #15)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 08:26 AM

27. Thank you Kat

We will be making lots of calls.

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Response to Ferrets are Cool (Original post)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 08:07 AM

16. ... nothing you probably don't already know.

Does the facility where she will be treated, have a social worker?

Is she a veteran? If so, the obvious.

Your town, county social worker.

Local church, pastor, priest.,,, even if you are not a parishioner. A plea to the parishioners may get a 'help chain" set up. My friend was dying. This was around 1985. Hospital said they were going to have to put restraints on him unless someone was there to watch him so's he didn't get out of bed. For 8 days, we set up a "chain" and some one was with him, 24 hours a day.

People can be kind and generous.


Less likely, A..C.S. Local organizations like AARP, Knights of Columbus, Elks and similar organizations that may respond with donations of time, since you are not asking for money.


Do you live in a city, suburb or rural?

It sucks and I am sorry you are going through this

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Response to 3Hotdogs (Reply #16)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 08:23 AM

22. Thank you so much for your suggestions

Every avenue will be investigated.

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Response to Ferrets are Cool (Original post)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 08:10 AM

17. Maybe more specifically... Where do you live?

This is D.U. We hello each other out.

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Response to 3Hotdogs (Reply #17)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 08:24 AM

23. Mobile, AL The treatment center is in B'ham which is 4 hrs away

The ONLY one in Alabama.

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Response to Ferrets are Cool (Original post)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 08:19 AM

18. Can I suggest that you contact your local Leukemia and Lymphoma Society

I have first hand knowledge that they can be a great resource for patient support. Stay strong!

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Response to Cozmo (Reply #18)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 08:24 AM

24. Thank you. We will be doing so today.

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Response to Ferrets are Cool (Original post)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 08:23 AM

21. I'm sorry I don't have any suggestions...

but sending all the positive energy I can spare that your wife beats this too.

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Response to róisín_dubh (Reply #21)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 08:25 AM

25. Thank you so much.

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Response to Ferrets are Cool (Original post)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 08:29 AM

28. A Possibility

You might try contacting any nearby senior (assisted) living facilities and simply request if they can advise as to the availability of local caregivers willing to provide assistance within your specific area.

Hopefully one or more of the detailed suggestions noted herein will prove successful for you and for your 'wifey'.

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Response to wyn borkins (Reply #28)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 09:12 AM

32. Thank you for your suggestion

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Response to Ferrets are Cool (Original post)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 08:29 AM

29. I am so sorry. Try calling your state's social services dept

They may be able to direct you to someone who can help you. I prayed for you.

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Response to Joinfortmill (Reply #29)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 09:12 AM

34. Thank you

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Response to Ferrets are Cool (Original post)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 08:53 AM

30. If you are on Medicare, it will pay for room and board for hospice care.

People do go in and out of hospice. You would have to pay for the nursing care at a daily rate, but that might be less than both an apartment and the 24/7 care. Best of luck in finding the care your wife needs. Sending good vibes that things come together for you and she beats this nasty disease and you have many years together.

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Response to Lonestarblue (Reply #30)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 09:13 AM

35. Thank you Lonestar

Yes, she is on Medicare. We will check into that.

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Response to Ferrets are Cool (Original post)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 09:11 AM

31. Can't imagine what you're going through. In our household, its been my wife taking care of me

when I've been knocked down with something. I'd be completely lost if it were the other way round.
Bless you both, with strength, courage and luck.

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Response to 70sEraVet (Reply #31)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 09:14 AM

36. Thank you

It's been a difficult journey. We will continue it as best we can.

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Response to Ferrets are Cool (Original post)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 09:12 AM

33. Ferrets, I am so very sorry for the devastating news you and your wife have received!

Fortunately, there are many members of DU who are a part of the medical community and I'm sure they will be able to steer you to the right resources.

All the very best to you and your wife!

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Response to LaMouffette (Reply #33)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 09:14 AM

37. Thank you so much

Yes, DU is the best.

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Response to Ferrets are Cool (Original post)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 09:15 AM

38. I'm very sorry to hear of your struggle but have no insight to...

...care giving regrettably.

I hope the procedures go well and are successful. All the best to you and your beloved my friend!

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Response to NNadir (Reply #38)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 09:16 AM

39. Thank you so much

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Response to Ferrets are Cool (Original post)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 09:17 AM

40. So sorry to read this. I have no suggestions for assistance,

but wish you well.

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Response to sinkingfeeling (Reply #40)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 09:43 AM

48. Thank you

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Response to Ferrets are Cool (Original post)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 09:23 AM

41. Does the hospital have social services

that can help you find home health employees? It i possible that your medical insurance would cover the caregiver, but that depends on so many things. Any possibility you can go stay with her and work from home? If you have pets and other concerns about your home, maybe you could find a housesitter or pesitter-might be cheaper than a caregiver for your wife.

My heart goes out to you and your wife. She sounds tough, but what a kick in the teeth the news is. Please let us know what you find out.

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Response to Marthe48 (Reply #41)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 09:43 AM

49. Thank you Marthe

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Response to Ferrets are Cool (Original post)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 09:25 AM

42. The shock of it has got to be rough.

One step at a time. One foot in front of the other. Eyes wide open and ear to the ground. Good luck, amigo.

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Response to jaxexpat (Reply #42)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 09:44 AM

50. Thank you. Yes, one step at a time.

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Response to Ferrets are Cool (Original post)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 09:28 AM

43. I used care.com for my dad and a different local company for husband.

For a small monthly fee you sign onto care.com then search for what you are looking for and contract directly with the care givers. Otherwise just google care givers in the city where she will get her treatment. Going through a local firm is noticeably more expensive but has the security of knowing they line up the people and if someone can’t make it one day they line up replacements or if you don’t care for the person they will find a replacement. I wanted him to have around the clock care for several months. I tried doing it myself for a week around the clock and of course became exhausted. I started even while he was in the hospital. He has some memory issue and bad reactions to anesthesia and pain meds. I had a broken foot at the time and couldn’t walk so that complicated things. The costs, as I remember were $25 dollars an hour going to $40 if the individual worked more than 40 hours or it was a holiday etc. I did, however, hit the jackpot with care.com in a small town for my dad and found a perfect caregiver. And I mean perfect. She stayed with dad for 4 hours a day for his last 8 weeks in his assisted living home.

Fingers crossed and sending ❤️❤️❤️❤️

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Response to MLAA (Reply #43)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 09:45 AM

51. Thank you for your post.

We will certainly look into this.

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Response to Ferrets are Cool (Original post)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 09:29 AM

44. Lots of good advice upthread

Sending healing thoughts and

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Response to cate94 (Reply #44)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 09:45 AM

52. Thank you Cate

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Response to Ferrets are Cool (Original post)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 09:35 AM

45. First off, I hope things go according to plan for you.

Secondly, don’t freak at this suggestion, but try contacting a local hospice. They specialize in support for people who are or may be unable to care for themselves. They probably have a list. Now the bad news, you’ll probably need two for 7x24 care.

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Response to plimsoll (Reply #45)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 09:46 AM

54. You are most likely correct.

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Response to Ferrets are Cool (Original post)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 09:35 AM

46. I am so sorry to hear this, especially after having overcome so much. Does the hospital in

which she will receive treatment have a social worker who can refer you to the services you need? I have heard of the Leukemia and lymphoma society which (according to them) offers assistance (including financial). Information Resource Center at (800) 955-4572, Monday through Friday, 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. ET.

Prayers for you both.

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Response to LoisB (Reply #46)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 09:47 AM

55. Thank you. We got in very late last nite and will be contacting resources today

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Response to Ferrets are Cool (Original post)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 09:36 AM

47. (((((((((ferret /wife))))))))) all the suggestions upthread were excellent, and

covered all the ones that I would have said. Sending love and light and vibes for healing and strength, patience and endurance for both of you. You know that your DU famiky is here for both of you. Lean as hard as you need.

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Response to niyad (Reply #47)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 09:47 AM

56. Thank you so much.

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Response to Ferrets are Cool (Original post)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 09:46 AM

53. I would suggest you guys look @ staying in some kind of residential care facility for those months.

Hang in there, you have a lot on your plate, and just one step in front of the next.

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Response to Botany (Reply #53)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 09:48 AM

57. Thank you Botany

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Response to Ferrets are Cool (Original post)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 09:59 AM

58. There are some new treatments for leukemia. And look into clinical trials.

I'll be entering one at Dana Farber in Boston the end of this month.
https://ash.confex.com/ash/2020/webprogram/Paper139864.html

Also, depending on your age you may want to check with your local Council On Aging:
https://eldercare.acl.gov/Public/Index.aspx

I work with one of the AAAs and they have good resources for finding care partners. Unfortunately the availability seems very low right now.

Good luck to you and your wife!

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Response to erronis (Reply #58)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 10:32 AM

61. Thank you erronis

I have those sites bookmarked.

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Response to Ferrets are Cool (Original post)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 10:03 AM

59. I would

ask the social worker at the hospital for some help. Where I live, and the hospital I would go to, the patient usually has a cancer team that helps you navigate all that. I wish you the best. It sounds like your wife is quite the fighter.

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Response to Rebl2 (Reply #59)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 10:33 AM

62. Yes she is

thank you.

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Response to Ferrets are Cool (Original post)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 10:04 AM

60. All my best to you and your wife, ferrets -

scary and disappointing.

Holding you both in my heart.

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Response to cilla4progress (Reply #60)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 10:34 AM

63. Thank you cilla

It is very frightening.

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Response to Ferrets are Cool (Original post)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 12:12 PM

64. I'm sorry.

I have no answer just sending good vibes.

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Response to live love laugh (Reply #64)

Fri Jul 1, 2022, 04:55 PM

65. THank you LLL

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Response to Ferrets are Cool (Original post)

Sat Jul 2, 2022, 01:53 AM

66. We got great people from an agency that was recommended to us

from family. Now they are family. $30+ dollars an hour.

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Response to applegrove (Reply #66)

Sat Jul 2, 2022, 08:52 AM

67. Thanks AG

For 24/7 care, that would add up fast.

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Response to Ferrets are Cool (Reply #67)

Sat Jul 2, 2022, 11:24 AM

68. I have a friend whose kids have all grown up. She's lovely. She is single.

She moved out of her house and into a trailer. During the week she lives with a couple 24/7 and takes care of them. Then she gets the weekends off.

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Response to applegrove (Reply #68)

Sat Jul 2, 2022, 11:37 AM

69. We are still gathering information

We see our Oncologist again on Thursday and hope to get more information.

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