how's everybody doing in here?

[ihas2stinkyfeet]

seems kinda quiet in here. w so much stressful shit going on, i dont want to worry about you all too.

me, i have been mostly happy, tho quite sick. i had a ct scan yesterday to see if we can figure out why i have lost so much weight, 20 lbs since dec, and accelerating, and feel so tired.
it has been stressful here. so used to having my block to myself all day while everyone is at work, and now they are in my face. and i am in theirs.
feeling shitty is making me cranky af and my impulse control is shot to hell.
i dont regret some of it, like buying myself a few too many bday presents. you only turn 66 once, and most of what i got was not a lot of money.
but not getting along w folks is hard. and i cant find it to apologize to people who actually did shit they ought to be called out for.

but i am coping and that feels pretty good. it has been a tough year in the garden, but progress has been made on a lot of fronts. hoping for a little indian summer. then some cold weather to discourage the maskholes.

so check in peeps.

[msongs]

1. you are worthy of your small pleasures and rewards just because nt

[ihas2stinkyfeet]

2. funny part. i have never been a bling sort of person. but i bought myself some rings.

i have an old friend w a crazy antique store. i went in there the day they got to re-open. i told her i wanted to by myself a present and she brought out a tray of rings. i couldnt make up my mind, so i asked her to pick one. she picked a cool silver one w a light blue, round stone. it's a stone called laminite. cut from the sea bed in the mediterranean, where atlantis was supposed to be.
i liked that one, and a similar style that was a turquoise oval.
the rings had a story. a jeweler wanted to set up a store in cancun. he borrowed money from the local weed gang. he made a ton of rings, but wasnt selling them. the weed guys wanted their money. he knew he was in trouble, so he packed them up and brought them up here to chi, and sold them all to my friend.
i ended up buying 4.

now one of the neighbors that is causing me shit is a mexicano. he is a weed guy, but he brought up a bunch of m-100's. there is an extended clan at the end of the block. they were all out of work and bored, so they started blowing this shit memorial day weekend, and every day thereafter.
it was driving everyone nuts, and made my chickens stop laying.
i went to war. wont bore you w the details, but in the end i shut them up by telling them that i am a witch. cuz i am all irish, so that is what i come from.
i wore all 4 of those rings around, and told the one sane dude of the bunch the story.
i told them if they made me call on my mother's, they would be sorry, cuz they bring fire.
scared the shit out of them. they stopped. hasnt been a boom since july 4.

and no, i aint sorry.

[BlueDawn]

3. I am doing as well as can be expected.

I appreciate your asking!

[ihas2stinkyfeet]

4. well good.

but i think you should expect better, but pat yourself on the back for hangin in there.

[pnwest]

5. I have to say I was spiraling hard.

Depression, anxiety, inability to focus, bordering on agoraphobia, zero drive to do anything but binge watch tv, if I wasn’t sleeping. I was just ruined. Convinced my Dr to put me back on meds, gave me Cymbalta which is new for me, and I’m a new woman.

No amount of self-pep talk or sheer force of will was lifting me out of that black hole. I needed meds.

I am utterly grateful with all of my being that this med was invented. I feel more like myself than I have in yeeeaaaars.

[ihas2stinkyfeet]

6. it did me a lot of good too.

but what was at the bottom of my issues was my physical health.
finally figured out i have sjogrens. 4 rheumies missed it, cuz it is usually just a minor annoyance, and i was a wreck. the signs were all there, tho.
usually it is dry eyes and mouth. i passed the 'tear test', where they put a piece of filter paper under your lower eyelid and if your tears get to the end of it, you dont have it. but my eyes are sensitive to blue light, and this office had fluorescent lights.
but my teeth tell the tale. receding gums. cracking teeth.

it is aggravated by viruses and pregnancies. 6 pregnancies, one a horrendous miscarriage, likely twins, and i lost 1 of a pair of identical twin boys.
all the viruses, starting w measles, chickenpox and roseola by age 2. had west nile in '02, which is when i fell off a cliff.

docs can be rly stupid, and you have to advocate for yourself. and never stop digging.
i was motivated by the fact that my youngest is a mess as well. this affected her. it can damage a fetus, and she has that kind of damage. she was always sick. and tiny.

so, you have to take care of yourself, and no one knows your body like you.
so, take care of yourself. k?

[pnwest]

7. You too!

[ihas2stinkyfeet]

8. finally getting to the root cause is big.

and mmj is helping me A.LOT.