Welcome to DU! The truly grassroots left-of-center political community where regular people, not algorithms, drive the discussions and set the standards. Join the community: Create a free account Support DU (and get rid of ads!): Become a Star Member Latest Breaking News Editorials & Other Articles General Discussion The DU Lounge All Forums Issue Forums Culture Forums Alliance Forums Region Forums Support Forums Help & Search

MetalMama

(83 posts)
Thu Aug 5, 2021, 10:37 AM Aug 2021

Feeling really down

I've been battling major depression my entire adult life - I'm 62 now. My meds usually work really well. But, sometimes, like now. I will have another episode. Not as bad as before medication but bad enough.

I guess I'm feeling tired and overwhelmed right now. I take care of my 90 year old mother and my adult daughter who has her own physical and mental health issues.

Sometimes the urge to end my life is very strong. I've had those thoughts for so long they're burned into my brain. Does anyone else feel that way? Right now, the biggest thing keeping me from doing anything is my lack of energy. Plus, a small part of me doesn't want to leave a mess for my family.

I live in a small town which does have a mental health facility but, I've been in it before and it didn't really help much. The therapists at the outpatient facility are terrible. One therapist I was seeing was even fired.

I don't have anyone I can talk to. I don't have any privacy at home so, talking to someone over the phone wouldn't work.

I know I'll be better in a couple of days but, until then, life sucks.

Thanks for reading.

19 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
Feeling really down (Original Post) MetalMama Aug 2021 OP
I am so sorry for what you are going through FM123 Aug 2021 #1
Thank you MetalMama Aug 2021 #2
I am so very sorry to hear what you are going through. All I can offer are virtual hugs, niyad Aug 2021 #3
Must be something in the air - for no discernable reason my anxiety is spiking, today Siwsan Aug 2021 #4
We are here for you, MetalMama SheltieLover Aug 2021 #5
Sorry for your troubles!! PortTack Aug 2021 #6
You have a lot on your plate and sound overwhelmed jmbar2 Aug 2021 #7
Thanks for the info on the author. Susan Calvin Aug 2021 #14
I like her books a lot jmbar2 Aug 2021 #15
Hugs. Keep us updated, we care. BoomaofBandM Aug 2021 #8
... Wicked Blue Aug 2021 #9
Solfeggio tones can really help with depression and anxiety. alittlelark Aug 2021 #10
Hold on. shenmue Aug 2021 #11
During this nice summer weather, get outside as much as possible. No Vested Interest Aug 2021 #12
Thank you MetalMama Aug 2021 #13
Can you call an internet a helpline. Nobody should just suffer through such horrid emotions. applegrove Aug 2021 #16
Thank you MetalMama Aug 2021 #17
I'm glad you're feeling better. Susan Calvin Aug 2021 #18
If I've helped you MetalMama Aug 2021 #19

FM123

(10,063 posts)
1. I am so sorry for what you are going through
Thu Aug 5, 2021, 10:41 AM
Aug 2021

Even if you don't have anyone to talk to in person right now, I am so glad you reached out to us here on DU because we are here, and we care.

MetalMama

(83 posts)
2. Thank you
Thu Aug 5, 2021, 10:47 AM
Aug 2021

I've been reading DU for a long time even though I only recently created an account. I do feel safe here.

niyad

(116,004 posts)
3. I am so very sorry to hear what you are going through. All I can offer are virtual hugs,
Thu Aug 5, 2021, 10:50 AM
Aug 2021

and the assurance that your DU family is here for you. Lean as hard as you need.

Siwsan

(26,702 posts)
4. Must be something in the air - for no discernable reason my anxiety is spiking, today
Thu Aug 5, 2021, 10:56 AM
Aug 2021

It could be some subconscious trigger, or it might just be too much isolation (I have far too much privacy) - who knows - so I took my 'as needed' anti anxiety supplemental medication and I'm going to re-work my task schedule, for the day. A quick run to the health food store and then back home to start brushing, clipping and trimming all of the garlic I pulled, last month.

I'm hoping I'm going to have some of my fully vaccinated family over, this weekend, for some much needed people time and help around the yard. Ok, so another trigger for my anxiety might just be I'm feeling VERY overwhelmed, lately.

I hope you can start to find your peace, sooner rather than later. I'll keep you in my thoughts, today.



SheltieLover

(57,073 posts)
5. We are here for you, MetalMama
Thu Aug 5, 2021, 11:01 AM
Aug 2021

Sorry to hear all you are going through, byt this is a great place to vent.

jmbar2

(5,491 posts)
7. You have a lot on your plate and sound overwhelmed
Thu Aug 5, 2021, 11:34 AM
Aug 2021

It's not surprising that you are feeling down. But ending it is not an option right now.

You say that you wouldn't want to leave a mess. I've had suicides in my family and the repercussions on the survivors are deep and long lasting. If for that reason alone today, tell yourself that it's not an option.

One thing that has helped me in the past is studying Buddhist philosophy and meditating. At the very simplest, suffering is all around us in life. In most cases, it is beyond our control. Meditating helps us to give our ruminating minds a break.

I have found the lectures of Pema Chodron very helpful in dealing with depression. Here is a link to a short good one:
https://pemachodronfoundation.org/videos/fear-and-fearlessness/

She has a lot of vids on Youtube about dealing with loss and fear, plus good instruction on meditation.

Susan Calvin

(1,759 posts)
14. Thanks for the info on the author.
Thu Aug 5, 2021, 08:01 PM
Aug 2021

Amazon happened to have one of her books on sale for Kindle, and so far it looks like it might be helpful.

jmbar2

(5,491 posts)
15. I like her books a lot
Thu Aug 5, 2021, 08:09 PM
Aug 2021

They are packed with wise insights. Sometimes it would take me a day just to read a handful of pages. I would then need time to ponder it.

I hope you get some benefit from it.

Wicked Blue

(5,987 posts)
9. ...
Thu Aug 5, 2021, 12:25 PM
Aug 2021


This is probably irrelevant to what you're suffering, but I've been feeling more depressed in recent days. Am taking 4 meds.
My therapist wants me to start using my light box now because the days become visibly shorter in August. I have the seasonal thing on top of the rest of it. Usually I don't start until late October, and it does help me.

I have no idea whether this is of use to you, but I wish you well.

alittlelark

(18,892 posts)
10. Solfeggio tones can really help with depression and anxiety.
Thu Aug 5, 2021, 12:49 PM
Aug 2021

I have them on in the background quite often. These are some of my favorites-

&t=12s







They can be amazingly helpful !!

No Vested Interest

(5,178 posts)
12. During this nice summer weather, get outside as much as possible.
Thu Aug 5, 2021, 04:27 PM
Aug 2021

Just BE for a while among trees, grass, sky, clouds, birds, ground animals, and other people who are not rushed or hurried.
The outdoors can be very healing, as opposed to enclosed space indoors.

Hope you can find a park or field nearby, or even a quiet backyard.

Peace.

MetalMama

(83 posts)
13. Thank you
Thu Aug 5, 2021, 07:33 PM
Aug 2021

Thank you all for the kind words and suggestions. I will definitely try out the suggestions.

Just having people respond is a huge help. I think I needed that human connection of people other than my family.

Also, I should be receiving some new crafting supplies today or tomorrow and that will help. Crafting helps me get out of my own head for awhile.

Thanks again.

applegrove

(120,129 posts)
16. Can you call an internet a helpline. Nobody should just suffer through such horrid emotions.
Fri Aug 6, 2021, 12:12 AM
Aug 2021

Important to remember that the meds just keep getting better and better. There is a good chance you'll have the perfect dose for yourself and your daughter in the near future. Order yourself a book on matriarchs throughout history because you are one. You are up there with other strong and quiet family heroes of all times. I know it does not feel like it but you need to find a way to pat yourself on the back for all you do.

MetalMama

(83 posts)
17. Thank you
Fri Aug 6, 2021, 05:32 AM
Aug 2021

so much for the very kind words. It means a lot to me that people have taken the time to respond.

The big, heavy dark cloud over me is slowly shrinking.

Susan Calvin

(1,759 posts)
18. I'm glad you're feeling better.
Fri Aug 6, 2021, 10:27 AM
Aug 2021

You did me a big favor by posting this. There's a lot of stuff that might help me, too.

Latest Discussions»Support Forums»Mental Health Support»Feeling really down