One of my worse anxiety triggers is set to go off

[Siwsan]

My brother and I are the last two of the immediate family. We've lost 9 close family members in the past 7 years.

So my bro is getting ready to drive out to California to meet up with friends in San Diego and then head up to Humbolt County to help out another friend. He'll be gone about a month and then drive back. The trigger? I will worry, non stop, that something will happen to him while he's gone. The anxiety started ramping up this month. He leaves on Monday.

I haven't said a word to him about this because he deserves to get away and see his west coast friends. And I have my niece and her husband here, should I need help with anything.

It's just that nagging fear, dread, horror that something will happen to him and I'll be the last one. I seriously don't know if I could ever handle that. Irrational? Perhaps. Still, very real.

I'm making an appointment with my APN and hopefully she will refill my Ativan prescription.

[irisblue]

1. Would your bro be willing to send you images of his trip, so you can see he is doing ok?

[Siwsan]

3. He's under strict orders to stay in contact - especially while on the road.

He's picking up his ex wife in California (most amicable split, ever. She's still my best friend) and they will head up the coast, together. She lives in Humboldt but her family is in SD. I know she will definitely keep me posted on the way up the coast. If I don't hear from him, HE will hear from me, for sure.

The combo of the multiple family deaths in a short period of time (my sister, mom and aunt in 2015 and now two cousins that I was very close to died within weeks of each other) couple with the extremely toxic work environment I was in ended up getting me diagnosed with PTSD. I no longer have any toxic work triggers so this fear of him dying is the last one.

[wryter2000]

8. A thought

In the future, could you adopt your former sister-in-law as a sister? My brother never had kids, and his wife is estranged from her only living child. However, they hooked up with my s-i-l's late son's ex girlfriend. (Can you follow that? Kate's son's ex-gf.) They have adopted the lady and her family as their children and grandchildren. The visit them often and go on vacations together. They're very involved in the lady's kids' lives. It's really enriching for them.

[Diamond_Dog]

2. I'm sorry. So many things to be anxious about these days.

Maybe your brother would be willing to text you say, every morning, just to check in?

[Siwsan]

6. That's my request, or rather my DEMAND, of him

I've always been a worrier and the past 7 or so years have just fed that problem. I know it isn't really rational but that doesn't stop me from feeling it.

[Butterflylady]

13. Every morning my daughter texts me and if I don't text her back

She knows something is wrong. So far it's worked out great. It gives us both comfort knowing we've made to another day.

[elleng]

4. Will be thinking of you. My brother, who lives in Iowa and is a world traveler

(due to our family trends and his work requirements) just drove here to MD for in-law family wedding. Was with his wife, daughter and son.

I tried (hard) not to worry, and I suspect they've made it back to Iowa, after leaving here and heading on a lengthy excursion home. I guess I'd have heard, if there were bad news.

[wryter2000]

5. I agree with IrisBlue

Just tell him casually that you'd like to see pictures of his trip. It could help.

I love Ativan, but I limit myself to six pills a year so my doctor doesn't get on me about "It's addictive, yada, yada." Do be careful with it.

I don't blame you about fearing the loss of your last sibling. I only have my brother and sister left in my family, and I can't let myself think about what would happen to me if one of them died. I'd feel as if I'd lost a part of myself. I kid myself that, because I'm the oldest, I get to go first.

[Siwsan]

10. Fortunately I have some pills left from my last refill

That should be proof enough to my APN that I'm not abusing them.

It's just a horrible, nagging fear that won't go away. Losing my younger sister was hard enough. Outliving the 'baby' of the family would be crushing.

I panic when I can't locate one of the kittens!!

[blm]

7. Real and certainly painful

emotionally. Trip pics help a bit. And good nights. 😉

[Joinfortmill]

9. I hear you. This is what I do

This sounds simple, almost too simple, but it works, not at first, but over time. My mother got this advice from a priest who was counseling her. It was a long time ago and she was a devout Catholic. She worried a lot. He told her to offer her fear/concern/worry up to God. To let go of it to God. I know, I know. She told me that she found it gave her some relief. So, when I was going thru a particularly difficult time, I tried it, except I offered it up to the Universe. It does work and over time it works more and more. My mom is long gone to her heaven, and I am thankful she passed on this technique for letting go of stress, even if for just a little while. This letting go and letting the Universe has provided me much comfort over the years. Wishing you peace of mind.

[Siwsan]

11. Thank you!

I will give it a try. It is so tiresome to worry. And, most often, a waste of time, energy and emotion.

[SheltieLover]

12. Not irrational imo

Sorry to hear of all your losses & the resultant anxiety.

Try to stay busy & make sure he sends pix daily.

[BWdem4life]

14. I'm starting to realize that drugs are not really the answer...

At least not for me. But I don't have anxiety, I have depression. (My fiance has anxiety, and so does my mom.)

Anyway, part of my answer has been to attack mental problems with videos.

Here's one that deals more with anxiety than depression - thought you might like it:

[Siwsan]

15. Thanks!

I'll check this out!

I've learned to pay really close attention to the degree of my anxiety, when it 'attacks'. Often I'll just go out and busy myself in the gardens, or read a book. Those are my first go-tos. Well, and the kittens.