Issues with upcoming event

[vercetti2021]

Last edited Thu Aug 18, 2022, 04:42 PM - Edit history (1)

So my girlfriends daughter is turning 5 years old this coming Monday, but her parents and her want to have it on Saturday so family and such can come. Which I understand. I decided instead of bouncy type house to do something better. Spinning art machine where they can make any type of colorful art they like. Most kids from what I know are gonna be older than 5. Of course her parents and her were grateful for me to rent this machine for the day.

But this isn't my problem. My girlfriend warned me her brother is going to be there because she wants her niece and nephew there for the event. Problem is that he is a right wing nutter from what she has said. He loves her but doesn't like her "lifestyle" as he calls it. So this puts me in a situation. She told me he tends to say stuff to be a dick and he thrives on it. I told her its wise for him to keep his trap shut because I told her truthfully my mouth will ruin the party because I would go into nuclear meltdown mode.

So this is causing a problem with us. She doesn't want him and I to get into it and ruin her daughters birthday. But I refuse to take any bigots bullying. So I'm having a lot of stress from this when I don't need it right now in my life.

Also doesn't help my social anxiety either. I haven't met a lot of her family yet and that's even more added stress.

I'm a mess going into this weekend and it isn't even Friday yet.

Edit: I'm transgender. I wanted to mention that on why I would probably get upset if he said something. I know he probably knows from his folks about me and his sister.

[Walleye]

1. Do your best to ignore him. Concentrate on the spin art project, that's fun

[vercetti2021]

5. Yep that's my plan

The scary transwoman helping kids do spin art. Hope it makes him uncomfortable enough to stay away from me

[Siwsan]

2. Just say hello and then try to avoid any further contact.

Arguing is probably what he wants. If he starts, disappoint him and walk away. That will make a bigger impact that any words.

Two of my cousins were extreme right wingers. We had a policy at family gatherings that absolutely no politics were to be discussed. If someone ignored that policy, there was another cousin who would, quite literally, put herself between the offender(s). The look on her face extinguished any arguments.

[vercetti2021]

6. Good idea

I might actually mention that to her to see if her parents can initiate that kind of agreement

[Tetrachloride]

3. Emulate President Biden

Take a mental chill pill. Breathe the free air.

Imagine bean burritos with sour cream, sparkling grape juice, banana splits.

If you need to say something, try the high road

example: I’m on vacation for a few hours for the birthday. Later, we can chat.

[vercetti2021]

4. Have fun

Be safe

[ramen]

8. That last line is a great answer. nt

[piddyprints]

15. Or just say what they say around here:

"Bless your heart."

[secondwind]

7. You sound like you may be better off by skipping this,

and sending a nice gift instead. Just my two cents.

[enough]

9. If you have to insist on your right to "go into nuclear meltdown" if the guy rubs you the wrong way,

you should not go to the event. Setting it up this way is putting extreme stress on your girlfriend— she has to worry about it every minute of the party.

It was nice to provide the art machine for the kids, but not put yourself in the middle of the party as a potential ticking bomb that’s primed to go off if somebody at the party turns out to be the wrong kind of asshole.

[vercetti2021]

10. I agree

But she knows how i feel if someone goes transphobic on me. I tend to go extremely volatile about it. I'm just trying to think of ways to avoid it. I have to be there. Not showing up to something important like this Is a huge mistake on my end and terrible impression

[Croney]

11. Of course you have to be there. This is your family!

Ideally, the asshole would just drop his kids off and leave. If he stays, make it boring for him by ignoring him, or laughing at his stupid remarks. Chuckling under your breath and just shaking your head might give him the message that he's not going to use you to ruin the party and then point the finger at you for ruining it.

Do your best and be your best. You are enough.

[3Hotdogs]

12. Assholes' purpose is to get a rise out of lib'tards.

Ignoring them or responding with a look of disgust that "You aren't even worth the effort of a response." ... That pisses them off more than going nuclear.

[PJMcK]

13. Come on, you've got this

It's your girlfriend's daughter's birthday! It should be all about her. She should get all of the attention on Saturday. Treat her like a princess and give her all of your attention.

Let the Trumper stew in his own shit. You can "own" him by just ignoring him. His stupid words will only make him look like a bigger fool if you don't take the bait.

Show your girlfriend and her daughter that you care about them, not the low-life brother. You're the better man and you can live up to that quality.

Trust me, you've got this. If you can pull it off, your Sunday will be a glorious day for the two of you!

Good luck!

[vercetti2021]

18. Better woman

Sorry its mainly because I'm trans so I know what he could potentially say that will set me off is all.

[PJMcK]

19. Oh, I'm sorry for my misunderstanding

Still, I stand by my comments. You're the better person and the brother has to live with his own miserable self every day.

And yet, I can now comprehend your apprehension more clearly. Best wishes.

Happy birthday to the little girl!

[vercetti2021]

20. Its quite fine

I've already talked to my girlfriend about telling her parents to put in a no political policy for this party so no one will get after each other

[PJMcK]

21. Great plan!

Have a great weekend and enjoy the little girl's birthday! It'll be lots of fun.

All the best,
PJ

[irisblue]

16. Vercetti, have you discussed with her in depth why she wants a jerk around her beloved & kids?

What good things or traits does the 'phobe bring to the kids & her lives?

Does she invite him because "Faammmily"
Is this your first time meeting him?
Do the others who married/committed into the family of birth have problems with/from him?

[vercetti2021]

17. Its her niece and nephew mainly

Her daughters cousins are around the same age and they all love each other. That is why she is willing to tolerate his bullshit. And I do get that. Its for her child and being a good aunt. And yes this is my first time meeting him. But her parents don't have an issue with him because they are also quite conservative, but they are more open about her daughter being bisexual and dating a transwoman. They have no issue with me or her. But political wise, they are in the same boat together.

I assume it is the family aspect of it for the kids, but not him specifically.

[OldBaldy1701E]

22. And my issue is that I would be trying to make him behave like an asshat!

I would be doing whatever I could to get him to blow up. The more I could get him to show his true colors, the more I would be satisfied that every one present could see what a complete dickhead he is and why he should never be allowed around. I understand about your niece and nephew and I understand that your GF wants them to be present. But, the chance to watch some dumbass redneck go into screaming hysterics would be SO MUCH FUN!

(But, the gathering is not about this, I understand. Be strong for your GF. Either make sure you have a handle on your little red monster or maybe be a very distant observer. HUGS! to you.