caring for my "elderly" spouse

[Not Heidi]

Mods, I can't think of anywhere else to post this. It certainly affects my mental health.

My wife is 70. Some would call this elderly. I never have until this morning, when she fell twice. The first time, she lost her balance in the kitchen. She tried to get up on her own, but needed a chair for help. She called out to me and I brought the chair. It was hard, but she got up. I brought both her canes (which she only needs at times like this), and she was almost through the bedroom door when she fell again, this time because her knees buckled. She couldn't get up and I don't have the strength to lift her, so I called the paramedics. They couldn't have been nicer.

I'm committed to this woman for life, and wouldn't have it any other way. But caring for her is becoming a burden, and I don't know if it's possible for me to stop feeling burdened. She has various health problems, the worst of which is colitis (which, as you might know, can be a horrible problem).

As I say, though, I am committed. I'll never leave her; I'll never stop taking care of her - but the weight of it is crushing me.

I've been looking up support groups, but so far all those I've found are still meeting virtually. I want to be in a room with people.

My dad died when he crashed his ultralight airplane. I bristled every time they called him "elderly" in news reports. He was just 69 and led a life of vitality. I can't say that of Mrs Not Heidi. I guess elderly applies to her, as much as I hate it.

Thanks for being a safe place for me to get this out.

TL;DR: Caring for ill and elderly but greatly beloved wife is (through no fault of hers whatsoever) terribly burdensome.

[snowybirdie]

1. If its feasible

financially, you might look into assisted living. You could both live in an apartment, but would have medical assistance nearby. My heart goes out to you both. Good luck and God bless.

[PortTack]

2. Awhhh so sorry for your troubles. You're in a really tough spot

[ampm]

3. Taking care of the one you love

Last edited Wed Aug 24, 2022, 03:54 PM - Edit history (1)

About a month ago, something happened to me and all 0f a sudden every bone and joint began hurting so bad I couldn't get out of bed. My husband helped me a lot. I haven't got a clue what has happened, so getting older is scary and finding help is more challenging. I'm hoping you can find the help you need at a time like this. I'm completely dependent on my husband and he is dependent on me. But to be honest, there is hope, I been looking to seniors services and other places, So keep looking

[SWBTATTReg]

4. You're a hero but I know already that you don't view yourself that. Your wife is your rock,

and I would be so proud if you were my rock (but I have my own rock now, thank god). Each of us goes through our trials and tribulations on our own, and when the times get rough, or that an extra pair of hands would help, I only hope that help is readily available.

In STLMO, we do have neighborhood watch organizations that helps our senior citiizens, keep an eye out for things amiss, and generally, just keep an eye on things. Here's some FYI, perhaps it'll help guide you. My best to you and your wife!

Where can I get help with caregiving an older adult?
HOPE provides free, in-home counseling and case management to adults age 60 and over in the St. Louis area. We can help with housing, finances, benefit education and many other areas. If you are a caring for an older adult who lives in St. Louis City, our free support services may be able to help.
HOPE – Housing Options Provided for the Elderly
hopeforseniorsstl.org/

What is aging-friendly St Louis?
Our vision is for the City of St. Louis to be an aging-friendly city where older residents can age in place. We support this vision by providing grants to local nonprofits and government entities to help older adults age in the home and community that best serves their needs and interests.
St. Louis City Senior Fund – Supporting an Aging-Friendly City
stlseniorfund.org/
*****
Transportation services include:
non-emergency medical transportation to the doctor, the hospital, or the dialysis center
trips to the SLAAA-sponsored senior centers within the City
trips for necessary governmental or bank business
trips for necessary shopping at the grocery store or drug store
all travel for SLAAA related festivities or activities
Transportation service is normally provided Monday-Friday, between 7:30am and 5pm and is subject to availability.
*****
SLAAA also offers discounted bus passes on a limited basis.

[snot]

5. Sounds like you need help!

In my very red state, I found there are more resources to help seniors and the disabled than I'd have expected. One starting point in my state is called the Senior Source; they can direct one to various other services. Most are dead-ends, but my ex- and I found help from a few.

If you have a church or the like, they might also be worth asking.

[SheltieLover]

6. Contact Council on Aging & your local senior center

They can be tremendously helpful.

[quaint]

7. Strength and peace for both of you.