Hi Everyone. I don't usually talk about my mental health problems here but today

[intheflow]

is a bad day. I'm fighting with my son who is also my landlord to get over here and fix 5 or 6 little things that he's literally put off for years. I finally told him I need him to get over here and do it. He is incredibly responsive to other tenants, but when I ask he always puts it off, and today he told me I was free to move if I didn't like him as my landlord. I pay him rent. I'm not a demanding tenant. But YEARS?! He's a great landlord to everyone else and is shitty to me.

Now he's being snarky suggesting I don't care about seeing my granddaughter, but FFS, I work full-time and he was just planning to come over any have me babysit while he worked on the apartment at in the evening, without asking if I was up to watching her. I just want to be asked if I have the bandwidth to babysit instead of him assuming I'm in a mental state to do so.

We have a strained relationship due to the fact that I had him when I was 17. I was traumatized by getting pregnant, marrying my high school sweetheart (who turned into an abusive alcoholic), and moving from the 'burbs I was raised in to the projects. We moved a lot and I wasn't the best mother, but I was in no way the worst. I moved away for grad school when he was 19 but he views it as I abandoned him when he was a child. Meanwhile, when he was little, his father was murdered by my ex-SIL's husband, but he is absolutely devoted to said ex-SIL.

I also have PTSD from working Hurricane Katrina recovery for two years. And I am among all of us who have trauma around the past... six years, living under 45, the pandemic, and the ongoing existentialist dread around climate change.

I'm afraid he'll deny me seeing my grandchildren. I'm afraid he'll evict me if I don't pay rent to force him to do the work (we don't have a written lease). I have moved over 65 times in my 58 years and do not want to move again. Today is just a hard day for me.

[MLAA]

1. Sending you love and energy!

[vlyons]

2. I'm so sorry that you are having a bad day.

Ask him if you can hire a handy man to make the repairs and then deduct the expense from your rent. Maybe he would go for that. Worrying about what MIGHT happen in the future won't make anything better.

[Tetrachloride]

3. I am very sorry for this.

I believe it’s time for a lawyer.

Your son will delay forever because he will need to save face unless confronted by a judge or dramatic financial loss.

Vylons suggestion seems very reasonable. but i still suggest a lawyer

[Hugh_Lebowski]

4. Sorry for all this crap, wish I had an answer other than to say I hope things get better

I was, however, trying to figure out the scenario where one's 'Ex-SIL's Husband' is anyone but ... your brother?

I'm probably missing something, but ... who exactly is that?

Edit ... now I figured it out. Your ex-husbands sister's husband ... killed your ex-husband (and father of your son/landlord).

Nevermind.

[Big Blue Marble]

6. Ex-SIL could be her ex-husband's sister. N/T

[Hugh_Lebowski]

7. I edited at the same time, finally figured it out

So, this was the son's aunt-by-marriage while OP was married to sons father.

I think.

[intheflow]

9. Ex-SIL husband

I divorced my son's father in 1990, he was murdered two years later by his sister's husband. Not my brother, my ex's brother in law. I know it's confusing!

[Hugh_Lebowski]

10. Yeah, I edited my post when I figured it out

That's some crazy stuff.

So sorry for the strife

[Big Blue Marble]

5. As much as you do not want hear this,

your best option is to move or at least pay someone to do your repairs. You are in a
power struggle with your son and he is committing elder abuse. He will only get worse
as you age. Remove your dependency on him to protect yourself.

[Me.]

8. Make Yourself Your Priority

Don't worry about what others might or might not do. You need peace of mind. What can you do that will bring that change into your life? I can tell you that letting go can be very freeing.

[Ziggysmom]

11. So sorry to hear of your troubles. I hear this a lot; folks who ASSUME child care is not work!

It is a lot of work! I had to put my foot down and stop watching friends and relatives kids for free whenever they felt like dropping them off. Lost a few friends in the process, but regained my sanity! Good luck to you

[JudyM]

12. My heart goes out to you, intheflow.

You are justified in setting some boundaries to sustain yourself. Things change, my mother always says, and I hope your son will come to see that you do care about him and your granddaughter and that he will see you as a good person. Maybe for the sake of peace you could figure out how to get the repairs done another way, since they’re little?
Good luck, stay strong.

[intheflow]

13. Thank you, Everyone, for the support.

Today is better. My son isn’t ready to talk to me, but he’s acknowledged it’s his baggage and it runs deep. He says he’ll be over today to fix stuff while I’m at work. We shall see, but if the first step to solving a problem is acknowledging it, there’s hope for us yet.