Well, I survived the first session and cried just once. Pretty good for me.

[Siwsan]

I do like this counselor. He really listened and asked a whole lot of questions. I think he was surprised that when he asked me which parent I was closest to, I immediately smiled and said 'My Dad'. My mother was very intolerant of any of her children diverting from the path she had pre selected for them. Her score was 1 out of 3. I know I was her biggest disappointment. I found out she was very embarrassed that I got so involved in stage work - acting, singing, dancing. She could never understand why someone would want to call attention to themselves. My Dad, on the other hand, loved that I got involved with theater. He's go to dress rehearsal and all performances, dragging my mom along with him.

But I digress. It's no surprise his diagnosis is anxiety and depression. Although he said I am 'high functioning'. Not exactly sure what that means, but I'll find out..

I'm sure the next session, and any that follow, will be more intense and focused.

I'm glad I finally took this step. And THANK YOU ALL for your encouragement. It means the world and beyond to me.

[onecaliberal]

1. So happy for you.

[happybird]

2. So glad to hear it went well!

[MontanaMama]

3. I'm so happy for you!

That it seems like a good fit. That’s so important. Therapy has changed my life…maybe even saved it.

[2naSalit]

9. +1

[underpants]

4. ❤️

[XanaDUer2]

5. Good nt

[fierywoman]

6. Darling, I cried every session for three years during my therapy. It's good

that it gets out of you.

[Karadeniz]

7. I think we had twin parents....

[2naSalit]

8. ...

I don't recall being one of those who encouraged you but I will attest to the good taking the advice can bring.

Counseling, talk therapy, whatever it's called, is very helpful I've found. I was at my therapist's today and I am glad to have someone to talk over my issues, challenges, and gains. There's nobody else in my world, nearby and could devote the time, who could serve as such a confidant.

When I get overwhelmed is when I need her most and usually what she does is help me whittle all the problems down to bite-sized compartments that are each resolvable by some less than life changing alterations in my life or taking a simple action. That way they can be prioritized and that usually solves my greatest episodes, otherwise I go to make sure I'm not veering off the pavement unnoticed.

My anxiety levels are up around the ceiling fan and it's a struggle to deal with simple stuff lately. If it weren't for the therapy, I'd really be roughing it. I'm so thankful it's covered under my disability/medicare insurance, I went for decades without this treatment.

I'm glad you've taken this step, I think it will be beneficial for you, you'll see.

[Duncanpup]

10. Good for you

[femmedem]

11. Kudos to you for having the courage to take this step.

It sounds like this counselor is a good fit.

It's so sad that for whatever reason, your mom didn't encourage your talents and passions or that anyone could be disappointed in you. All of us on DU know you as a beautiful, giving soul.

Anyway, I hope that as you cuddle with the cats this evening, you are proud of yourself and hopeful about the future.

[Prairie_Seagull]

12. Triplets. There is some channeling going on here.

Congrats.

[Evolve Dammit]

13. Good job. Sounds like you had a good first session! Takes time to tell our stories.

[70sEraVet]

14. Good for you!

Prior to reading your post, I had just finished reading some very interesting and amusing posts concerning cannabis use among senior citizens. And when you reported that your Therapist said that you were 'high functioning', I immediately pictured you getting a bunch of tasks completed successfully while high.
Sorry, don't try this at home!

[tblue37]

15. High functioning means that despite your anxiety & depression you are able to get done what you need

to get done, rather than falling apart of just climbing into bed and giving up.

[NJCher]

38. yes, and there are all kinds of high-functioning

There are high-functioning alcoholics, for example. People who can drink anyone under the table but who carry out their job in an exemplary fashion--or are even "just competent." But they do this regardless of the underlying issue.

[Warpy]

16. Therapy is tough work

There will be times you think it's all going fine and then something will throw you for a loop and you'll fell like you're back at square 1. Hang in there, it can improve your life greatly even if you can't see that at first.

While anxiety and depression are largely chemical problems, you don't particularly want to be dependent on drugs to cope, if you can help it. Therapy, when you get into it and if this guy is good, will teach you coping skills to cut down or maybe avoid medication entirely. We're in the infancy of understanding a lot about brain chemistry, so even cutting down is a great thing.

That first step is the hardest one to take (I've broken a hip, so I know about that). You did it, congratulations!

[irisblue]

17. 💙🫂💙

[AverageOldGuy]

18. Hug the kitties . . .

. . . that helps for me.

[brewens]

19. Good going. I saw a therapist for a time, and she really helped me. I understand much better

what was going on with me.

[SheltieLover]

20. I'm so glad you're going to counseling!

High functioning means your dxd don't leave you unable to function in everyday life. Good for you!

[SheltieLover]

21. I think it's awesome you were involved in theater!

my univ had both a music conservatory & theater majors & the theater students were amazingly dynamic!

[calimary]

22. It took my mom years before she finally admitted

“I guess all that time you spent at that radio station in college actually paid off.”

She’d previously thought I was wasting my time (and undoubtedly also, their money). By then, I was working on the air at some big L.A. stations and they could even tune in - as my father-in-law did, telling me he listened to me every morning while he was shaving! Took awhile for her to get there but she finally did get there.

[OldBaldy1701E]

49. Lucky you.

I am awaiting the moment when I get to tell my mother that she was right... I did waste my life on the career that meant everything to me. Now, I am not going to do this to let her know that I agree with her, but the results are pretty much undeniable.

[ificandream]

23. Been there, done that.

At my first session, I let out my depression over losing my job in a layoff. I'd kept it in for 15 years. I let it out that day with tears. Still dealing with it, but that first session was the beginning.

[MiHale]

24. Echoes of life ... so glad it's working

Found a big release this summer. It does feel great.

[nightwing1240]

25. Very happy it went well for you!

[NullTuples]

26. So glad you found someone who is a good fit!

You sound so positive, and that's a really good sign.

[NullTuples]

27. So glad you found someone who is a good fit!

You sound so positive, and that's a really good sign.

[Ford_Prefect]

28. IMO working to own your issues is very hard, never really ends, and probably is the most rewarding

thing you can do for yourself in the long run. Good for you taking the first scary steps.

I say this as someone who takes each day as a step forward, while occasionally looking over my shoulder watching out for those things which creep up on my consciousness.

I feel it is important to remember that living life is about the journey you are on rather than the destination.

[lucca18]

29. Happy for you Siwsan!

You should be proud of yourself!
The best to you!😍❤️

[judesedit]

30. So glad you like your councelor, Siwsan. That's major

I suffered from depression since childhood. I finally got the courage to go to a psychologist, then psychiatrist. I was put on anti-depressants. My life turned around. Once I felt better, after taking them for a few months, I'd wean myself off of them. But as soon as I felt the depression coming on, I'd go to the doctor, explain my history and get my prescription. This cycle went on for years until I didn't need them anymore. I am now happy and healthy. It's been many, many years since I've needed them. Don't do what I did without approval from your doctor, though.

There can be physical causes of depression, as mine was. My brain nerve synopsis wasn't working, transmitting and receiving as they should. I don't know how to really explain it, but I want you to know there is hope to get back to living a happy, fullfilled life.

Now, if you're depressed due to the world condition. it is understandable. Try to step away from too much news. Count your blessings and love your kitties. We care about you.

[keopeli]

31. Your story is so similar to my own in many ways. Proud of you for starting this counseling.

It sounds like you connected with him right away in some way, which is really a good sign. Be patient with yourself and the process.

And when you get home, curl up with all the fur balls that love you so and soak up that warm, fuzzy love that your kitties give so freely.

Blessings to you, Siwsan! Thanks for sharing your journey with us!

Keo

[Jarqui]

32. "I found out she was very embarrassed that I got so involved in stage work

- acting, singing, dancing. She could never understand why someone would want to call attention to themselves."

That bolded sentence troubled me.

Are "acting, singing, dancing" not an outlet for you? The only reason you do them is to bring attention to yourself? Just from reading your words, I doubt it. There is more to them than that. - "I got so involved in stage work" You enjoy it. They let some of you out like a cocoon does a butterfly.

I'm a musician. It is not my career. But I've loved it since I was born. 68 years young and I still play. I don't play to get anyone's attention. I certainly don't play for money. I play because I love it. I love the elusive but creative process. I love playing with other musicians. I love how it makes me feel when we create and nail a piece of music. When we did perform (which I wasn't keen on), I would put the stage lights very bright so the band couldn't see the audience - it would just be us. My Dad understood my love of music. He was a musician. My mother didn't. She wasn't a musician.

You only get one shot at this life. Do what you love to do.

[NJCher]

39. I would add to that

that musicians pick up on the collective unconscious (Jung) and bring us interpretations of what's going on at the moment. I recall that around the time "Here Comes the Sun" came out, there were numerous other works about the sun. Something was going on regarding the sun or the symbol of the sun.

I listen to music and I find so much meaning in the lyrics. I listen to them over and over, finding meaning in them more and more over time.

The musician him or herself does not even have to be conscious of what that meaning is or might be. It can be interpreted in many different ways and still have validity.

As we poetry teachers tell our students: if you take meaning from a poem, you have derived the "right" meaning. That does not apply in all cases, but most of the time it does. Memorial poems, for example, are written with a specific purpose. Regardless, one can still abstract with them to other events and find meaning.

From this point of view, musicians are important to all of us because they give us points with which to interpret the human experience. I send out "silent thanks" to musicians just about every time I listen/interpret/feel what they put out there.

To your point, this is a very important reason to perform and it has nothing to do with "drawing attention to yourself."

[Jarqui]

41. Whether I performed in public or not didn't make much of a difference to me

I suspect what we experienced sometimes as musicians is roughly similar to what a group of actors or dancers might experience. There is something kinetic amongst the group of players. It is unspoken. You're just aligned such that you can feel where the others are going at any given moment in time.

In music, you might be jamming material you have never played or heard before but you can feel things coming that no one has played before and you all KNOW it is going to happen and it does. It is like you are reading each others minds without having discussed anything. A connection of the souls if you will.

Other times it manifests as what we called a "musical orgasm" where overall it is so together and magical, it is significantly greater than the sum of the parts.

Often dance partners we dance with - two left feet. But once in a while, you encounter a partner where it inexplicably all clicks and you are one. I believe dancers probably experience some flavor of what we experience as musicians - some strong connections get discovered.

Henry Winkler claimed a special acting connection with Ron Howard (but one example)

Interesting that you mention poetry. I became good friends with a keyboard player 50 years ago. We were very tight and did a number of projects for about 15 years. It was magic. We'd literally laugh at being able to tell where the other was going when we were jamming material we had never played before. It was crazy. He moved nearly continent away. I haven't seen him in 15 years or played music with him in 35 years. But we still are in steady communication. He'd been writing poetry all that time but never done anything with it. I encouraged him to do something and he came out with a book. It was a treasure - like I got some of my friend back. Then he came out with three more books. I can't bring myself to discuss them with him. They're so special, rich and such a connection, I do not want them tainted by discussion. I read them again and derive other thoughts and meanings.

There is so much more that is so much deeper and more rewarding than merely "drawing attention to yourself."

[Bluethroughu]

33. I'm happy to hear you have someone to trust in and work with

It's so important. I hope you grow, heal and find this experience productive.

[johnnyplankton]

34. Glad to hear you got some help

The first step is the hardest one.

[mgardener]

35. I am so happy you found someone that you like

I love reading your posts and pictures of the cats you rescue!

[Siwsan]

36. I've decided to declare today 'Decompression Day' and spend it snuggling with my kitcats

They just give so much unconditional love and always know when I need some snuggling comfort.

I was always very hands on while raising and socializing them and now they are very paws on with me.

[Beastly Boy]

37. Hmmm... High functioning with anxiety and depression. Sounds like 99% of people I know.

Wasn't it great to find out that you are just like everybody else?

[Siwsan]

42. Just because I'm good at masking and internalizing my problems doesn't make them any less painful

You have no idea of what has happened to me, what goes on inside of me, and what happens when I get triggered. It's not pretty and nothing to be trivialized

[Beastly Boy]

44. By no means did I mean to trivialize your problems. My apologies if you took it this way.

Last edited Wed Jan 11, 2023, 08:31 PM - Edit history (1)

What I wanted to say was that we all face our demons. Obviously, some demons are harder to deal with than others, and I had no intention to belittle yours.

What I wanted to say, and what your therapist said in different words, was that the hardships you are enduring don't make you dysfunctional, and they don't define you as an individual. As long as you are high functioning, it gives you the means to deal with both the anxiety and the depression. If this weren't the case, 99% of people I know wouldn't be able to cope.

I read your later post about getting the first good night's sleep in a long time right after the session. This tells me that you haven't changed (there was not enough time for that), but your outlook has. Same person, different perspective. It's a wonderful thing. Small things like that can be truly liberating. My sincere wish is that you hang on to them.

Again, my apologies for the awkward phrasing.

[iscooterliberally]

40. This kinda makes you my soul sister.

I too worked in show business, and sometimes wake up covered in cats.

[Siwsan]

43. I curled up for a nap and woke up with pairs of cats curled up on each side of me

Little Carys and Gryff on one side, Arthur and Madoc on the other. I should get up and moving but we are ALL way too comfortable.

They are like furry little stress sponges who process that stress into oblivion.

[NNadir]

45. Anyone as filled with love as you clearly are is, by any definition I'll accept, "high functioning."

[Tbear]

46. High functioning

means “able to herd cats”

[Siwsan]

47. That's my favorite explanation, ever!

[vercetti2021]

48. That's so great

But why would any parent be embarrassed their child would work in stage? Its an art form. You should support your child no matter what they do in their lives. But we are the same but reversed. My dad set me up to fail and I did badly due to the many years of his mental abuse. My momma was always there for me and supported the the most during my transition journey.

I'm happy.you are getting the help you need